Tag Archive | unconditional love

Truth Be Told- (Dedicated to Ken Nelson RIP)

Dedicated to the spirit of my much-loved friend and brother music man.

Ken, I wish I had gotten on the bus. Rest easy now.

Ken E. Nelson

{October 24,2015}

Truth be told.
I am a very rich woman.
One of the richest.
Rich in family and friendships with folks who illuminate my small world from the shining crazy diamonds that they are.
Tonight I opened a friend’s work in progress to read, but first I got caught up in reflecting back on two earlier evening conversations.
I am feeling enormously grateful for the twinkling of inspiration that is growing from those conversations. For the first time in a few months, truth be told.

On the cusp of a whole new month, and another National Novel Writing Month challenge (my fourth) I am mindful that it is my family and friends who are my treasure trove of unconditional loving support.

Take notice I remind myself , this is worthy of guarding fiercely. A friend’s sudden death recently sadly reminds me how precariously precious our time together is, we shouldn’t waste a moment of it unhappy or ungrateful.


Thank you to my two friend’s who shared time and stories with me tonight.
Thank you to anyone and everyone who’s out there inspiring and supporting each other.
Truth be told; we rather need one another.

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ttaylor2015

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Found: Empathy & Compassion

Empathy and compassion are the paths that point to finding the road to living a life with great serenity.
Not everyone knows this experience.

image empathy is

My small world is filled family and Friends whose empathy and compassion often not the socks off my bare feet.
I want them to know this 13th day of May 2014 just how much I cherish their caring thoughts, prayers, actions, and genuine feelings for me. I’m one very blessed lady and I never wish to take that for granted.

I was prepared mentally,  physically, and spiritually to have a surgical procedure called a Cholecystectony, the fancy word for Laparoscopic removal of my Gallbladder. I wasn’t prepared for deep sense of love and care I have been shown by family and friends. I don’t mean to suggest that their empathy and compassion are new to me.
Not at all.
I am feeling their care in a new way, it’s me whose feeling the loving care as incredibly blessed gifts. I think for sometime I wasn’t the person who was in touch and mindful of that feeling beyond an awareness that it was there.
I hope I wasn’t actually taking it for granted before,  I think I simply was not giving the compassion from those in my life the reverence it deserves. They deserve.
Empathy is not something everyone gets to experience,  yet it is needed to be able to embrace a sense of compassion.

There are people in my life, close family, and friends who became family by choice that I best describe them as ‘Empaths’. They know what I’m living. They, because of their gifts of empathy and compassion feel deeply what I feel.

image empathy is about standing

They’ve been beside me and privy to my journey of becoming a strong and independent woman, witnessing my  many “first times in life” experiences through the last two years, and they never judge, only support me with their unconditional love and acceptance of who I am.
I’m so blessed.

Self serving post this is, it is All About Me.
It’s important to me that those people in my life hear me say that I am touched in ways again today that leave me completely humbled by your friendship.
And your compassionate loving caring ways. You might think it’s nothing to take a few minutes to phone to just see how I am, I on the other hand think it’s priceless.

I especially need to give a ‘Mama Shout Out’ to my daughter Janis, she has been my personal nurse, confidante, chef, medical insurance specialist, and my heath advocate. As my daughter and best friend she reminds me daily just how imperative it is to be genuine with those in your circle of love, and the reasons behind the joy I find living an authentic life. I love you Cupcake & Thank YOU. ♡

My family/framily = my bros & niece’s, my two ‘sis-out-laws’, my two best gal-pals they know who they are, and last but certainly not the least my artists/clients-partners in music, all of them deserve big love from me for their most amazing support.

I’m deeply overwhelmed with emotions that y’all inspire within my heart and soul. I just needed to express it out loud.
THANK YOU!  THANK YOU!
I love you all to the Moon and Back.

 

©ttaylor2014

 

Lost & Pining

( Note: I started this post a few days ago but at the time could not             finish it. I am leaving it however in present tense. )                  
I missed something today.

I just couldn’t even put it into words, that which I was missing.
I just felt lost.
Today the silliest of things, brought the quickest of tears to my eyes.
t’s been a lovely but weird change in my life, one that has certainly let me be alone lone enough to now know more of what my mom’s life was like for her after raising her Family. Then finding herself living alone for the first time in her life.
Though I refuse to live my life with regret I do wish I had the foreshadow to know then what I know today.
Some Triggers for feelings and memories can come from the oddest sources. The connections not really apparent.
At least right away.
For instance the video that follows below, I actually watched and fell in love with this story over a year ago, and there was not the trigger then for me like there is today. Maybe there was. [shrugging shoulders]
But I just was not in a mind-set that heard or felt it, that is a real possibility because even today it took me hours to recognize where that feeling of lost was coming from. I shared the video with a group, I watched it again, and I was crying before and after,  crying through the entire story.
Twice.
(It is a darling 16 minute story so worth watching)
I didn’t know why or where the tears were coming from. I can be a fairly emotional person I admit, but tears at the drop of an animated video? Tears blurring my vision when a friend shared how paralyzed he is musically because of grief?  I must be crying for his loss.
I thought.
 There were more tears. At every turn today I found myself weepy. The video only was the break in the dam of feelings. There was a disconnect I couldn’t attach to. What was happening emotionally to me?  I don’t cry over nothing.
  I said to myself;  “Self, you know maybe it is just the season and not feeling 100%.”
So many people struggle this time of year and feel disjointed,  they feel disconnected.
There was simply a feeling of being lost that I couldn’t put my finger on.
Like Pine must have felt.

Later while finally sending my daughter a song I’d discovered last week I heard at least a dozen times it was never from the perspective that I heard  today. 
A connection to the tear drops  for me was made through lyrics. 
If you know anything about me you will know that I use music in my life to communicate, to process, and sometimes to navigate life. It’s who I always have been.
Sending my daughter a song is not at all an unusual thing. We share a similar taste in a lot of music, and it’s especially true regarding Beth Hart‘s music. Her lyrics, her style, they are significantly important to both of us.
I will link the pertinent song for convenience:   http://youtu.be/s-h7O0JYLu4
Listening to the song again I heard it from the perspective of a daughter for the first time. I knew then right away what my tearful day was about.
I miss my mom. Simple as that.
My Mom: Penny Taylor  (18 yrs old)mom
In sharing my feelings with my youngest daughter who I was sending the song I told her that ‘mom’s’ typically are the one person in our lives who really do love us no matter what or who we are. It had finally hit me, finally it occurred to me that this is what my loss was about. No matter what choices I made in my life my mom always supported me. I always felt loved by my mom even when maybe I didn’t deserve to be. That unconditional love that only a mother can give.
How awesome that my emotions were mixed between those for my daughter, and those for my mom.
I think this might be part of my life’s full-circle.
©ttaylor2013