Tag Archive | Psychology

Listening

LISTENING IS A VERB.
Sitting with a close friend whose no longer conscious, his body quietly shutting down as he is in the final stages of terminal cancer came with great heartache. As I sat talking to my friend about everything, and about nothing, my mind went to an abstract thought about listening. I think being good at listening is one of the ways we can humble ourselves with others, and with our world.
  Quite possibly l was avoiding what my heart was feeling, but that’s another post, for another time. This is about listening.  
As I tend to do when something catches my attention I began thinking about it. Listening; observing how I listen, and later I began reading about it.
We crave the sound of another’s voice. Our human voice’s triggers laughter, tears, anticipation, urgency, often time love, and even comfort. Our ears are the complex instrument that for most of us we use to identify, perceive, and decipher speech and sound.
Our internal receiver & amplifier if you will. I’ve heard in the past, and just recently again I read that hearing is one of the last senses to leave us as we die.
Listening as an art isn’t something everyone does on the same level, and for a variety of reasons. But even in the worst case of environmental conditions for listening for most of us our brains act like a fine piece of software and reconstruct words, allowing us to decipher the gist of what is being said.
Cognitively we have learned how to pick up on clues and isolate them out, and sounds yes, but just as important to ‘listen ‘to are the lip movements, smiles, frowns, pauses, stammers. Our brain’s stitches them together in a commonsense of order which we use to communicate. 
I’m curious how often I miss something important being said because I heard only the gist of it. 
I was listening, I received most of it. Right?
The majority of what we think we hear is a product of our imaginations. Apparently without being conscious of it we tend to fill in missing gaps in other people’s verbal narratives. We often correct grammar, interpret accents, add punctuation. and even substitute words all the time our brain’s word processor is creating what we hear as the other person speaks. 
How many times have you known what someone is going to say before they have even finished?
Nothing about listening is passive. I had no idea there is an actual name given to this phenomenal effect, let alone that there is literature written on the topic.
It’s a process called ‘Phonetic Restoration’– Briefly, it’s a survival skill we all make use of that allows us to decipher communications, for instance when the captain of the ship is trying to communicate to frightened passengers over a public address system in a full-on roaring wind storm. The passengers get the gist of the warning.
Let Wikipedia have a go at it, a better explanation:
For reference compliments of Wikipedia: – Phonemic restoration effect is a perceptual phenomenon where under certain conditions, sounds actually missing from a speech signal can be hallucinated by the brain and clearly heard. The effect occurs when missing phonemes in an auditory signal are replaced with white noise, resulting in the brain filling in absent phonemes. The effect can be so strong that listeners do not even know that there are phonemes missing. This effect is commonly observed in a conversation with heavy background noise, making it difficult to properly hear every phoneme being spoken. Different factors can change the strength of the effect, including age and gender.
This effect is more important to humans than what was initially thought. Linguists have pointed out that at least the English language is full of false starts and extraneous sounds. The phonemic restoration effect is the brain’s way of resolving those imperfections in our speech. Without this effect interfering with our language processing, there would be a greater need for much more accurate speech signals and human speech could require much more precision. For experiments, white noise is necessary because it takes the place of these imperfections in speech. One of the most important factors in language is continuity and in turn intelligibility
I find I’m being more mindful now when listening. Intentionally I sit back, relax, and just listen with every sense. Being aware of how much concentration it takes to follow and absorb every word of a verbal exchange is daunting, but an amazing experiment.
Talking isn’t necessarily a requirement to be a participant in communication.
We also convey what we mean with our glances, how we tilt our head, smiles & facial expressions, these all become part of the exchange. Silently we can orchestrate the arrangement of a conversation, influencing its course, and its outcome.

 

Writing about listening needs to include a word on words. Words are a key element to communication, an obvious component of listening. 

Apparently our brains create about 500 hundred words per minute (wpm) when in a quiet environment. Our brain’s have a tremendous large appetite for auditory stimulation. Most of us speak about 150 words per minute, that is assuming we are using full sentences when conveying a desired message. This leaves a lag of about 350 words. (using the 500 wpm theory) We make use of this lag to listen to our intuition and perceptions. We engage, we listen with our eyes as much as with our ears.

It’s said that a good listener is also a good spectator by following a discussion along while also scrutinizing facial expressions and body language.

Yet even with adopting these listening practices we might not come away from a discussion with the ability to repeat what was said verbatim, or to remember things such as dates or names. But we will have absorbed the entire concept creating our own perception’s of what was said.

 

I don’t think we need to beat ourselves up when we come away without complete recall of important details such as dates and names. According to one major university study intellectual content only accounts for about 7% of all verbal communication.

Surprise you? Did me.

What we share between a speaker and listener’s is more than sharing mere words. We feel vibrations in speech, even though it’s not always audible. Some tones trigger auditory responses, some affect our moods, and some create unexpected thoughts or memories.

What we don’t hear in words we register with our other senses. Being good at listening ultimately means to use our entire being, all of our senses as a sounding board for what other people are communicating.

I intend to pay closer attention

. .

©ttaylor2014
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You Can’t Direct The Wind But You Can Direct Your Sails

I have been spending quite a bit of my attention lately on focusing & reflecting on human relationships; This has brought me a realization that we as humans attract what our souls need during particular times in our lives, I know it’s not an original thought on my part, it just struck me recently that even those interactions that I see now as toxic still brought lessons I needed desperately to learn. I’ll not see this as regrets.

That someone you are with at any given time is bringing to your spirit just what it is you need to learn from that particular interaction,That someone will bring out in you those life lessons necessary to find your own truths and authenticity. 

Depending on the level
of intimacy (directing your own tailwinds) will dictate how vulnerable you will allow yourself to be with another .And frankly with yourself. But if we remember that everything we see in another is exactly what we are needing to see in ourselves it might allow us more emotional investment’s.
Mirroring those vulnerabilities with kindness toward not just others but just as importantly towards “Self” helps to get connected in ways that will feed our spirit. And in turn we help feed others.

If we can look upon our relationships with this in mind it can become a natural flow to then find a true kindness towards our self and towards others. Kindness that may very well be the remedy for so much in our own small world of worlds. It merely needs to start within and for ourselves.
Before we convince ourselves that there is nothing a given interaction can bring to our lives we might want to stop, reflect, & examine. Being mindful that which we see in another is just what we need to see in ourselves equates to Life Lessons.
No judgements.
No blame.
Just is.
Past and current relationships in my life have become life lessons intertwined with those interactions. During times when I couldn’t see the light at the end of ANY tunnel it has become my saving grace knowing that I am able to see the light shine with the much-needed warmth from someone else.
In someone else I find the lessons reflected in what I need to know to live more authentically.
 I didn’t always have the grace to direct my sails towards a rocky harbor.  
When presented with a behavior (rocky harbor) or a way of thinking by another that feels conflicted within my own scruples I balked. I judged. I certainly was not feeling abundant unconditional love & kindness.
Now with more emotional intelligence I know this is mirroring hat which I still must still learn. 
Learning to live with abundant love for others and for our selves is a kindness we are all worthy of finding, and though we may tend to think of being kind to our selves as something akin to being self-centered… it’s truly not.
Through the interactions with relationships in our life we can learn the fine arts of unconditional love, forgiveness, and the kindness of acceptance. Even the negatives we find in relationships can bring the positives if we see them as life lessons.
Trust me, I am not suggesting abusive behavior, intolerance, and judgement of others are that of which we should ever accept. I definitely do not advocate for staying in any relationship that is harmful to you physically, emotionally and/or spiritually. I do though know from personal experience that even in this type of relationship there was a great value in the lessons about myself I learned. I choose now to see it as such, rather than hold on to the resentment & anger that only starves my spirit.
Like the four key points o a compass these four key points will help direct your emotional sails
Unconditional Love.
Unconditional Forgiveness.
Unconditional Kindness.
Unconditional Acceptance.
There is an authentic grace knowing the great wisdom of practicing these four directions. Others will see the light in our faces when we are loving in these directions without any conditions,
If we can know this and trust this it helps release the light inside of any personal entanglement;;illuminating the shadows. It can take us to wonderful heights, the ups and downs of navigating any relationship. It just might become apparent that these ups and downs can bring us clarity & strength.
These ups and downs help us to remain grounded and balanced.
We might ask ourselves; what it is that our soul is longing to discover from each person who comes into our lives? It can bring into focus that it really is all about love being the mainstay that feeds what our souls need. To not be so leery or too cautious of what these interactions will bring us leaves our hearts and our minds open.
Embracing the shining lights we may see ins eyes of others, being open to what messages they hold allows our hearts be open, and we feel more approachable to the person we are connecting with. There is always wisdom for our spirits within each other  and the beauty of this is we need no special tools or training to receive and accept these. The things we see in another are maybe the most important things we can pay attention to. The kinds of things that touch our hearts if we just tap in. This very well can bring us that sense of being complete, and allows us to surround our lives with the presence of unconditional love with a genuine authenticity
My life lessons now includes this big paradox about the relationships in my life, that they in fact depend very much on the relationship I have with myself. These relationships that are so significant for me are mirrors of myself, they reflect not only how I am seen by others., but how I see myself.  And that’s pretty cool.
There is always a choice which path to take in our journey so that which our spirit is searching for our authentic self will lead us to.  As if by instincts, if we quiet ourselves, and open our heart every time we feel lost, If we listen, if we engage with others they can bring to our spirits love & life lessons that shape who we are..
If we share openly with those who we surround our small worlds we create deep spiritual connections.
Connections with the human spirit bringing us ever closer to living a life of authenticity, we will find that in knowing our self so intimately that we can become the master of our own destiny.

 

 

 

Signature 2013

 

60,000 Choice Thoughts

We think up about 60,000 thoughts in a day. How vital it is that we make choices about our thinking.
Sound a bit too clinical for LBB? 
 
Maybe think About this: 
How important it is that we not think up 60,000 negative thoughts, or even 59,000. It is imperative that we not harbor cynical and negative thoughts. our brain has approximately 100 billion cells, and each is connected to about 20,000 other cells.  What this means is our thinking has the possibilities of billions, maybe trillions of various thoughts.
We have the freedom of choice
 Maybe we could begin anew if our thoughts of late have run into the fields of negativity.
My thoughts seem to revolve around my emotional intelligence lately, and sometimes the painful lessons my intelligence runs a foul with in that field of life.
With infinite combinations of brain cells to choose from why not try a whole new combination today?

While taking a self inventory you might find that what brought you to be the person you are today are the many painful, heart-crushing moments in our life that leave you winded. It might be a knee jerk reaction to run from those painful moments as fast as you can; thinking its the safest route.
Life just smacked you a good one and to stay in that moment and feel it.. is… well.. .painful.  Yes.
Life is painful, it is not that we are bad people having bad things happen to us.
It is that L.I.F.E. has to have pain in order to honor the joy.
Yes,  the yin & the yang. The negative and the positive.
Looking back on our thinking; without explanation, without apologizing, we can own the painful moments created along our journeys.
Painful moments exist. Life can hurt. But, remember we have been here before, we felt this before. We know we survived it. (though maybe it felt all to consuming at the moment)
There is that space in time again; The moment.  A friend shared that his bitter moments are balanced with his sweet, I love his thinking.
Without the bitter than can not possibly be the sweet. The positive needs the negative for their to be a true & concise connection.
There must be some truth to the adage “No Pan No Gain”.
Maybe it is how we evolve.
Life can hurt. A lot sometimes.
– The bitter.
Thankfully those painful moments come with built-in lessons.
 -The sweet.
For me quite often it is not until later that I realize there is a lesson, a sweetness garnered from the bitter moment.
Finally I see it.  Finally I feel it.
Feeling painful moments are good reminders for me to breathe deeply, and slowly; Inhaling the moment that came with its pain smack right in the middle of my living to bring & teach me some necessary growth.

Growth can come from places never even realized. Growth can come from places that we thought were not available to us, places we thought were dead & barren. Places of great disappointments.
Growth happens when we realize that it is not what happens in our lives that long stays with us, but it is t how we happen choose to respond to the happenings.
This is why it is called happiness.
Freedom to choose to see the sweet, balanced by the bitter.  (Thank you Groovy)
 I know for certain that I make the choice to hang on to hope, that what has ‘happened’ has happened for good reason.
Life it seems is much like a beautiful piece of embroidered cloth. The first half the embroidery is worked from the “wrong side’ of the fabric, stitching out the branches that will hold the blossoms, that bring the fruit.
The second half of life is the ‘right side’ of the fabric with its rich texture of all those pain-taken stitches.
Life’s lessons, even the painful ones, are much like how certain people are brought into our lives for a certain reasons.
I have a wooden plaque that sits in a prominent place in my home given to me my bestie in 2010 that I cherish to this day. It is also a reminder for me about the lessons that come into our lives.
It says:
” Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some people stay for awhile and leave footprints in our hearts, and we are never, ever the same.”    (thank you DCD) 
©tjtaylot2013

Blinded By Color

What is your favorite color?

 

 

Please, answer this question now before reading any further.
Stop yourself~
Don’t think about it, be spontaneous with your answer; accept the first color that comes into your mind and don’t analyze your choice.

ColorThe effect produced on the eye and its associated nerves by light waves of different wavelength or frequency. Light transmitted from an object to the eye stimulates the different color cones of the retina, thus making possible perception of various colors in the object.

 
 

Like death and taxes, there is no escaping color. It is ubiquitous.  

 
Yet, what does it all mean? 
Why are people more relaxed in green rooms? 
Why do weightlifters do their best in blue gyms?
I have wondered even why do I tend to use a blue ink or font when writing?
 
 
 
It is our instinctual choice of a color that tells us a lot about who we are; how we function and how others see us?  It can be yet another means to understanding our behavior and our personal traits; as well as our mental, emotional, spiritual, & even our physical states. It can be reflective of the way we choose to navigate in the world. Color can help guide us through our strengths and weaknesses, through our vulnerabilities, and through all our challenges we experience. 
 
Most all of us choose what the industry refers to as Personality Colors
Our personality color do not have to be one(s) that we wear all the time; but it is usually our favorite, the color that excites us the most, and makes us feel alive when we see it. That being said, we are often drawn to our personality color for clothing and home decorating. It is often a predominant color in our aura.
It is also the color that when our family & close friends think of us, or when asked what our favorite color is they are likely to instinctively know. 
So, ask loved ones what your favorite color is…..
What they share with you could be telling.  

Does everyone have a favorite color?

Many of us do have a favorable color, and most of us have had the same one since childhood. Or maybe a variance in hue or tint. 
 Some of us may change our color favorites one or more times during our life,  while others will have one color for their whole lifetime. 
Some us will prefer another color for a while, depending on our needs & moods at that time.
Yet we are likely to come back to our original favorite when those specific needs are met. 
When the color has served its purpose. 
If you are someone who doesn’t think you have a personality color, could you maybe reconsider? 
 Take a meander into your clothes closet/cupboard where you store you clothes you wear regularly. 
Peek around your home or office, reflect on the way you choose to decorate.
 See color? Of course you do.
Anything stand out?
Is there one, or are there more colors you consistently choose?  For my home, it has been a combo of forest green and a rich shade of maroon, yet I tend to wear blues, and earth-tones. I throw in some purple for sassy days. 
These choices will be the colors that reflect our personality, and our deepest needs & desires.
 Whether we like or dislike a color can be dependent on our own life experiences; our positive and negative associations to “our favorite color” as well as our need for the qualities of that color.

Dislike a Color?

The colors that we dislike are as telling about ourselves as the choices we like, most often reflecting where our weaknesses and vulnerabilities lie.
Our most disliked color could likely to relate to areas in our life that need to be given some attention; or past hurts that need to be healed.
If we feel a visceral dislike to a color there is  likely a reason.
 It can be helpful and a good idea to try to incorporate a small amount of the disliked colors into our life by using small amounts of the color in clothing, or in your home to help balance our energies. 
I have found for me rejecting whole color choices creates an imbalance in my life something I am uncomfortable with.
But what if we are color blind? 
A note on Color Blindness 
 It doesn’t mean a person who is color blind can’t see any color at all, like a black and white movie.
It does however mean having trouble seeing the difference between certain colors.
Being color blind can make it tricky to match your shirt and pants, but it’ s not a serious problem. People who are color blind can do normal stuff, even drive. Most color blind people can’t tell the difference between red or green, but they can learn to respond to the way the traffic signal lights up — because the red light is generally on top and green is on the bottom.

What does your (favorite) personality color say about you?

While you may not exhibit all the character traits of your personality color, you will find yourself somewhere in the descriptions I believe. You may also find you might exhibit some of the negative traits, particularly when you are stressed.

  • If you have two equally favorite colors, read the information on both to fully understand yourself and what motivates you.

  • If your favorite color is red, you are action oriented with a deep need for physical fulfillment and to experience life through the five senses.
  • If orange is your favorite color, you have a great need to be with people, to socialize with them, and be accepted and respected as part of a group. You also have a need for challenges in your life, whether it is physical or social challenges.
  • Choosing yellow as your favorite means you have a deep need for logical order in your everyday life and to be able to express your individuality by using your logical mind to inspire and create new ideas.
  • If green is your favorite, you have a deep need to belong, to love and be loved, and to feel safe and secure. You need acceptance and acknowledgment for the everyday things you do for others – just a ‘thank you’ is sufficient.
  • Lovers of blue have a deep need to find inner peace and truth, to live their life according to their ideals and beliefs without having to change their inflexible viewpoint of life to satisfy others.
  • Indigo lovers have a need to feel in harmony and at one with the Universe and to be accepted by others as the aware and intuitive spiritual beings that they are.
  • If purple or violet is your favorite color, you have a deep need for emotional security and to create order and perfection in all areas of your life, including your spiritual life. You also have a deep need to create and participate in humanitarian projects, helping others in need.
  • If your personality color is pink you have a deep need to be accepted and loved unconditionally.
  • If turquoise is your favorite color your deepest need is to create emotional balance in your life, to be able to express your hopes and dreams no matter how idealistic they may be and to make your own way in the world under your own terms.
  • If your favorite color is magenta, you are a non-conformist who sees life from a different point of view.
  • Lovers of brown have a deep need for a safe, secure, simple and comfortable existence with supportive family and friends.
  • Lovers of black have a need for power and control in order to protect their own emotional insecurities.
  • If white  is your personality color, your deepest need is for simplicity in your own life and to be independent and self-reliant so you do not need to depend on anyone else.
  • With gray as your favorite color, you are the middle of the road type, cool, conserved, composed and reliable. You tend to conform just to keep the peace.
  • If silver is your favorite, you are intuitive and insightful and have a strong connection with a higher spiritual guidance.
  • With a personality color gold, you radiate charisma, personality and individuality, making others feel relaxed and valued in your company.

Finally, have you changed your favorite color?

If you have changed your personality color, try to identify the circumstances surrounding your life at that time as your new favorite will reflect qualities you need to attract into your life to help you navigate and process any new circumstances.
I prefer to make a practice out of surrounding myself with the colors I love, either by wearing them, or using them decoratively in my environment.
The color choices I make empower me to be true to myself.
It is the perfect expression of showing my true-colors, wouldn’t you say?
 
Now, inquiring minds now want to know:
What does any a particular pattern or motif we keep in our home or wear say about us?
 For instance I have a plethora of roses and elephants. 
I know I know… 
I’m just curious.
tjtaylor2013©

 

On Comfortably Numbing Down (CND)

Do you ever wonder why we do some things in our lives over and over, despite knowing it will not result any different of an outcome?
Probably even with a result that we know does not serve us.
 
I have been talking, writing, and learning a lot about living authentically for some time now. 
It is true it can get pretty lonely when we show ourselves. It is a risk we take being open and raw with emotions that guide our life.
This also can be off-putting to those in our world.
This is all just part of living authentically, When we are able to show our self and find comfort in this we then will be free to live our life as it has always meant to be….
Able to be the genuine person we are striving to be all along,
 
Comfortable enough to just be ourselves without any need to defend, protect, or deflect. 
There will be no longer a need to hang on to all the thoughts & beliefs we had scurried away that served to only preserve our self-image.
No longer will we have a need to secret away any parts of our self.
 
So now…. how do we get there?
 
This quote from Mary Oliver “Instructions for living”  is a perfect starting point. It was shared with me by a friend (thank you Joss) who is also on a self-exploration. 
 
” Pay attention.
 Be astonished.
Tell about it.”
           ― Mary Oliver
 
Perfect 3 tips to guide the start of the walk.
 
In the discovery of the path to authenticity I have found much in my recent research to bolster my agenda in wanting to live in a way that creates little to no regret in my life.
My big “Aha Moment” was finding I only need to change my thinking.
My astonishment came because I know I can make the changes in myself that will have great impact on that authenticity.
And a reconciliation that will allow myself to be comfortable in whatever situation or circumstance I might be in. Because there will only be the genuine ME navigating the circumstance. No question.
 
There is an interesting field of study in psychology called Cognitive dissonance.
The philosophy or idea that we will create thoughts and actions, or do just about anything in order to hang on to our own positive self-image, despite the actual truth.
In a simplistic example; we might believe we are loved (because lets face it we all want to be loved so thought it was something we can all relate to) 
Yet when faced with the factual actions that do not support love or it is withheld from us (for whatever reason) it sticks right in the heart. You know it. But you refuse to believe what is right in front of you.
It’s hard to admit it if we may have been mistaken. To navigate such uncomfortable circumstances we become masters at justifying what we believe, why we believe it, what we need to do and what we say to our selves.
We find can find justification for anything.
Self-deception can become our norm.
 
As a species with a highly evolved brain and emotion we are intelligent beings who typically look for consistency in what we believe & our perceptions. 
What is it that happens when we have conflict with a long-held belief and a new belief is presented.?
You feel it at your very core that ‘something’ is wrong.
That feeling of discomfort that is created when we hold two conflicting beliefs. When there is a discrepancy between beliefs and behaviors.
There is that gut feeling that something is off. 

That chord that rings true within all of us that ‘something’ is just not sitting right within our spirit. 

That’s dissonance.

And that ‘something’ must change in order to eliminate or reduce the dissonance. 

 
The realization comes through our self inventory, with our self-image and our self-worth playing heavily into this cognitive dissonance. 
 I am certainly not immune by any means which is what takes me on this journey of reason and discovery in the first place. 
 
I discovered in reading that I might have to rethink some ideas I have in my own head about who I am. And how I interact with those I love. 
It has to start with ourselves. 
 
 Self-Efficacy refers to our self-image, stability of mood, and level of motivation. 
Hopefully we have good levels of self-esteem, sense of self, and a sense of accomplishment. 
If so it seems we might be acutely aware of our feelings, where they come from –
But are we accepting – of both our strengths, and weaknesses?
Likewise, we might likely feel that people who are important in our life understand us. 
But people who are on our radar tend to be comfortable not giving in to peer, family, and other social pressures any more than we are. It’s human nature. 
 
Family & close friends opinions are indeed important, but their expectations do not need to strongly influence our life. Instead our close family & friends tend to have their own well-defined ambitions and goals. The two shall not meet. We might even be very influential and persuasive with others. In fact, our family, friends and acquaintances may often come to us for ideas of guidance across a range of issues.
 So, can we be real & honest with ourselves and them? Not say what they want, what we want to hear, but instead  say what the genuine truth is? 
 
I find myself wanting that deep emotional connection with those in my life more and more. An important aspect of loving anyone that should not be ignored. Being authentic can open that door.
Our self is the only thing we can change in any relationship, any situation. If it’s not working for you change ‘something’ within yourself.
The inner workings of relationships are not as natural to navigate as we expect them to be. It takes some effort to have genuine & authentic relationships with that soul to soul emotional connection of those who matter the most.
 
I have found some questions I needed to answer for myself in this quest as well as some thoughts and tips that seem to help me with keeping that feeling of dissonance further at bay. 
 
Firstly,  ask these three things and answer with brutal honesty. 
I suggest a pen & paper and turn off all electronics, even music (I know) Phones most definitely.
Now spend some time with yourself. (make sure you will not be interrupted if at all possible)
Then ask:

“Do your positive qualities outweigh your faults? Why or why not?”

“Do you ever feel guilty when you do not meet the expectations of your family or friends? Explain.

“Are you the type of person who likes to stand out in a crowd or go totally unnoticed?” Why do you suppose this is?   (just so you know, there are no right or wrong answers)

Secondly, there are things I know that let me live more authentically if I practice them on a daily basis. And I mean practice as in rehearse, make mistakes, and get back up again, and start all over. And do it again tomorrow…
 
#1 Don’t lie. We just have to give it up, even those little seemingly innocent white lies.  Ask yourself what the lie is feeding?
 
#2. Know that we must not say everything out loud (this is a personal hurdle) We tend to get into a mind-set that all our thoughts are important and worthy of being shared. Not true. Learn to quiet your voice, not squelch it. 
 
#3  You can change your mind. It’s allowed. Being rigid will not serve an authentic life. 
 
#4 Avoid being en-guard.
 
#5  Have core plasticity.
#6 Be flexible, bend a bit, but don’t break.
 
#7  See family & friends attempts towards emotionally connecting as the good they are, even if not 200% successful.
 
#8  Have Team Spirit (whoever your team may be. Family, friends, lover, community…) 
 
#9  Focus only on the good. Catch those who matter to you most doing the things that feed your spirit. Ignore those things that might not. 
 
#10  Assert yourself. 
 
and finally…
Find a new voice.
One with an Emotional Reaction Redirection, An E.R.R.
We do this by changing how we say things to others. And to ourselves. 
Sometimes let us try to numb down our response.
Let us try to be comfortable knowing not everything needs our reaction and response.
Be Comfortably Numbed Down. C.N.D.
 
Start there. . 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Signature 2013