Tag Archive | memory keeping

She Was Quite The Lady This Irish Lass

MY MOTHER

This woman who I am so much alike. All my life I heard; “You look just like your Mother” Like my daughters today I would roll my eyes. When my mothers aunt developed dementia in her late years  and she kept calling me Wilma, I would hide. My mom’s birth name was Wilma only my mom had never really been called Wilma in my childhood, or hers. Her father nicknamed her Penny and it stuck. But my mom’s aunt kept confusing the little girl I then was, with the little girl she knew my mom to be some thirty years earlier. Even at the age of 7 I understood how surreal this was.

It has been 12 years this month since my mother was taken from this earth and therefore leaving both my brothers & I. She was someone I always looked up to, having the persistence and will of any man I knew. Only she was a lady. Things like manners, kindness and lady like behavior were important to my mom.  And she made certain they were also important to me. As I sat for a couple of days creating this scrapbook layout of my mom I was reminded by looking at her just how much I really do like her. It apparently takes years for that to be able to be seen in your own face, the face of your own parent. But there she is, looking back at me. When I look at her photo when she was just 18 yrs old in Lake Oswego Oregon, (USA) I see myself.  When I look in a mirror I am seeing my mom’s face looking back again. It may have taken me years to see her, but I wear my mother’s face  everywhere I go quite comfortable. I wear her face with great pride today.

Thanks Mom, I love & miss you.

©tjhelser2012

Saying So Long

Saying so long to a family member after a long visit can be bittersweet. Often bridged between feeling sad to see them go, and glad to have your house back. That;s how I feel typically when we have had family here for an extended time. For me extended time is anything after a week.By the I am tired of playing look for the needle in the haystack when even just trying to find the coffee filters in the mornings. Why is it that Bear;s best friend thinks that his sense of organization in my kitchen is best for me?

I digress.

Usually this is where I’d be after a week, bummed to see them go, we really did enjoy every minute of each others company and can laugh off the coffee filters.

Not today though. Today I am just bummed. Today our grandson leaves to go back home. He’s been with us a full month and we have loved every second.

I don’t want him to go!

Lletting T go today will be a tug on my heart-strings that will hurt for days. I’ll smell his youth of him on my arms for hours after he leaves, refusing to wash even my hands for a bit, so to hold on to that which keeps him near.

It’s been a full, busy month with T here. Having just the energy alone has been good for me. It’s hard to focus on your woes when there is 13-year-old male energy running through the house, out to the basketball hoop, p-thack!-p-thack! —against the backboard. I love these sounds, love having his presence here. I told him just last week it does not matter if he’s hanging out in his room alone, or being forced to be part of what we’re doing (such tteenage ways) it does not matter to me. Just having him here in the house is what brings him close to me. Having him here, his energy, his soul, his tall lanky body fills the air up with hope and adventure.

When he left last time in the spring he was not as tall as his Papa, This time when he came back he had passed that self-imposed goal and now has to bend to hug me and is towering over me like a man. This little guy who grew into such a tall and fine young man is my favorite grandson. Oh I know, we’re not supposed to have favorites, but in this case it’s okay.

As T reminds me when I say, “T darling, do you know I love you the most, and you are certainly my most favorite grandson to date.” He says, Oh but Nana- I AM your ONLY grandson

So long T-Man, I miss you all ready.

©tjhelser2012

Share Your World Sunday Week #32

Here we are finding ourselves looking right into Sunday morning and another [deep male voice over] ..episode of……Share Your World Week(ly)!Brought To You By This Week and Every Week our Beloved Cee.

If you’d like to join us for this crazy fun you will find this week’s questions and the past 31 weeks at Cee’s blog which can be found at: http://ceeslifephotographyblog.wordpress.com/2012/07/14/share-your-world-week-32/

 

THIS WEEK’S Q & A’s BELOW~

 

  • 1. Which would you prefer: a wild, turbulent life filled with joy, sorrow, passion, and adventure–intoxicating successes and stunning setbacks; or a contented bordering on happy, secure, predictable life surrounded by friends and family without such wide swings of fortune and mood?

Absolutely without any doubts, regrets, or looking back I would want a content life with the assurance that I will be surrounded by my family & friends. I’ve never been one for too much excitement in my life maybe even bordering on boring. But as I have grown older and wiser I know what comes with the trappings of a Life in the Fast Lane. No thank you. All these feelings are withstanding anything to do with having a chronic illness. It’s just who I am. Give me a great book, a comfy chair with some plump pillows, my husband Bear, and our family safe; on any Saturday night and I’ll be as happy as any camper. Honestly? Our last big date night was when we went to see Peter Yarrow from Peter Paul & Mary – the folk music trio most famous for hits like “Puff The Magic Dragon” and “I’m leaving On a Jet Plane”.  It was a fabulous evening climaxed by being invited with the entire audience to the stage to sing Puff with Peter and son Chris. Because we live in a fairly small town there could not have been more than a dozen men, women, children, and one baby up on that stage and it was clearly the highlight of my year. So unless you also happen to be a folk music enthusiast I’m willing to think that my life looks pretty laid back to you. And you’d be right. And you’d also be right that I like it this way.


  • 2. Would you like to be famous? In what way

Wait! ……Am I not now,  famous? 

Nah…    Unless I was to write MY Pulitzer I’m not interested

 

  • 3. If you could cure one disease, what would that be?

This is such a tough one. There are so many, for many reasons personally that I could name, but I will choose Alzheimers and Dementia because it takes away the person’s memories. Without our memories we don’t have much to hold on to. I just happen to believe from what I have witnessed that our memories are what’s unique to ourselves, the very substances that keep us motivated. Our memories are vital to our own well-being. It’s our memories that can help keep us mentally fit.


  • 4.If you were invisible, where would you go?

Since we are pretending here lets pretend; I have a “good” Baroness that sits on my right shoulder, and a” bad” Baroness that sits on my left. The bad Baroness becomes invisible and she takes herself into the most unique clothing boutiques that specialize in vintage clothing. I’d play dress-up with no concern about money, size, or figure. At daybreak just before the sun would rise I’d make quick like a bunny and clean -up and scamper out before I was spotted by anyone.

The good Baroness does not go into her family’s room’s invisible, ever. She knows that the information snooped is information that can cause worry and pain. Instead, she would choose to be able to make herself invisible so that she could ride bareback down the sandy beaches with nothing covering herself but her thick hip length hair.    Just once!


Shocking?

©tjhelser2012

Share Your World Week #31

Another SYW week and again I am late. Go figure. Maybe the word late should be added to my legal name. I’m not late for appointments, just deadlines it seems. Oh well. I’m enjoying summer, enjoying life, and enjoying my grandson and family. So deadlines be hanged!

That being said though I have to add that I really like playing along with SYW each week. It’s a fun way to share things about yourself you would never have thought on your own. I guarantee it. Cee has this inane gift of coming up with the right mixture of questions each week that glean the most unusual and different facts about ourselves that it’s quite possible you’ll even learn something about yourself. From yourself. Interesting!

You can find Cee’s Share Your World @  http://ceeslifephotographyblog.wordpress.com/2012/07/08/share-your-world-week-31/

All you have to do to participate is visit her blog. She will post a new set of questions each weekend and if you think it matters that you are starting in week ??? It does not. I did not start until the 15th or 16th week.

Come-on then. Join us!

The Questions & The Answers:

  • Do you plan out things usually or do you do them more spontaneous (for example if you are visiting a big city you don’t know?)

 

(1)  I’d like to follow through on my great plans and itinerary when vacationing, but I am just not that person. I say I’d like to only because I know I’d accomplish seeing more if the touristy spots I’d planned on. But truth be known I am a lazy and spontaneous traveler. Which may be why I prefer  road tripping to any other kind of travel.

  • If you could live in any OTHER time, when would it be and why?

(2)  This is an easy one for me. I talk about this often. Although I was born in the mid 1950’s I wish that I had been born much earlier. Even to the point that sometimes I wonder of there was some weird cool scientic mistake. Some time warp or something.  I would be completely comfortable as an adult in the late 1940’s and 50’s. There is not really one aspect at all that I can think of that would deter from feeling this way. Right down to the baby blue 1955 Chevy I’d have.

  • Do you prefer reading short stories or novels?

(3)  Definitely novels. I like to get into a good book and then almost detest when it comes to an end. This may be a reason why I like to read the same author and sometimes serials. 

  • As a kid was there any kind of candy that you didn’t like to get?

(4)  This is another easy one for me. We did not get a lot of candy as lids, so  cannot think of any one that I would have turned my nose up tp then. Today though my tatses are a bit more refined thankfully. I do not like anything with cherry in it. Fame cherry is not a good taste to my palate. My all time favorite candybar would be hands down a Milyway. I aslo love any chocolate except the fraud chocolate: White Chocolate. 

This has been so much fun once again. I do hope you’ll join me next week for another entry in….…Share Your World………….

©tjhelser2012

Share Your World Week #30

This weeks SYW (Share Your World) entry was posted late with my blessings. Although Cee had no way of knowing that by being behind (per Cee) she was giving me the great gift of time. Our 13-year-old grand son T* arrived this weekend for a month’s visit and as I was rather taken with this handsome young man, he ended up being our entire weekend!

“And happily so!”, says his Nana!

As soon as he walked in the door I saw the change, and it was not just that he is taller than his 6 ‘2″ tall Papa. At just 13 years old T* very well could reach his great uncle’s 7 foot height, T* also has had a slow grace finally come into his actions. He no longer moves about like the colt who is just trying to find his legs. He also has a much deeper voice that now matches how tall  he has always been. People mistakes T*”s age because he’s so tall, and complete strangers have been doing so since he was about 10 years old. He holds up his end of a conversation so well that I would let him be included in almost any adult conversation that a group of people were discussing today. O am so proud of him I could bust.

So much changes happen with children in just such a few months. T* was here in March for a week of his spring break. In just 3 short months talks on the phone never spoke of the changes that were happening to him, that he was growing to be such a fine young man does not surprise me. That it happens in such a short time has blown me completely away. It shouldn’t, I have spent time away from my grandchildren enough to know that they grow without me being there with them.  How dare them, eh? I cannot stop them and God knows how  I have tried. 🙂  But that T* has grown so much – so fast  – was a surprise. So many changes all at once (it feels like to me) are remarkable &  extraordinary. He’s my only boy in our family of all girls and he’s my light. Watching him grow and being part of his life has meant that I have been able to be privy to what makes a good man in this world happen.

My busy weekend would never have allowed me the time to write and enjoy SYW questions as I do when I can take my time to answer. I dislike feeling rushed. So from my heart to your’s Cee thank you for this, and I do hope you were able to enjoy our lovely weather and that is why you were felling behind.

Lots on my mind this post, maybe I should turn in to two posts…… But I won’t.

Colorado Fires have been breaking my heart~

I have been thinking about Cee & Chris so much when I watch the news about their beloved Colorado, and now the fires. I do hope that no one they know and love are being affected by the fires. I also pray and hope that my bestie’s children and grand children are safe. Just returning home to the states after a tour in Peru they do not need this either in their lives. But who does? It’s just that this family is dear to me. I was listening to some of the victims who lost their homes and thanked God it was not them. I’ve lit my prayer candle yesterday for all the homeowner’s, their children, and the entire state.. If you can send thoughts, prayers & energy to these people who all seem to know that it was just things they lost.I admire their humbleness.  That they have their lives and the lives of their family members is all that counts.

President Obama has declared the areas as disastrous zones so help from our government is finally coming. If anyone would like to send help to these families who have lost everything you may do so through the link below. It is a link sponsored by CBS News so you should have some sense of credibility if sending monetary donations. These people need everything, especially personal items such as clothing, toiletries, etc..

Here is the CBS link:

http://denver.cbslocal.com/2012/06/18/high-park-fire-how-to-help/

I do hope I have not lost you!

Now onto this weeks fun questions.

  • You are invited to a party that will be attended by many fascinating people you never met.  Would you attend this party if you were to go by yourself?

Me? No way! It’s not my style First I am not much of a party attendee. I’d only go to something like this if it was work related and I had no choice. Never mind for social reasons. 

  • If you were the original designer of one existing corporate logo, which one would you select?

Oh Gosh, something else I find hard to choose. Logo and brand names I really don’t do. I’m not even sure I know of any. That being said; I actually have a pair of prescription eye glasses that the frames are Calvin Klein. Not because of the name were they chosen, but because I love the frames was the reason. I hid the case which  came with them but bears the brand name. I;m not doing anyone’s advertising for them, Thank you…

So my answer will be ….Let’s see…..this is stretching for me.. I’ll say… Levi Strauss Jeans. Nah.. not Calvin!

  • If you could be a student of any university in the world right now, where would you enroll?  irregardless of which university assume they teach what you want to study.

Oxford. I’d love the old vintage ambiance of the campus. I love the history. It would be my fantasy. I’m giggling at irregardless too ( I know you are having a wonderful belly giggle, my bestie.  [private joke so please forgive me] ), must have been written by a Oregonian, eh?

  • If you had to spend one weekend alone in a single public building or institution, which building would you choose?

Yeah!! One I have not had to think one second about! The answer for me would be a Library without a doubt. Bring me food, water, and my pillow  I could exist the rest of my life there. And Happily So!

I hope you enjoyed the Share Your World questions and if you are up for the challenge please join us all each week. We have a blast sharing with one another the questions our author and founder Cee sets out for us each week. The Share Your World (SYW) link is at Cee’s blog: Cee’s Life Photography @ http://ceeslifephotographyblog.wordpress.com/2012/07/02/share-your-world-week-30/

Thanks so much Cee for another weeks amazingingly fun questions. I was really stumped by a couple questions this week.. Good job on that~

Please, come join the fun!

tjhelser2012

Purposeful & Inspired

Not sure when this actually happened, or really why it happened. I just found it today and I am still learning that sometimes it is just because.

Starting my day out with an award from a blogging buddy who I am always amazed by. What he shares on his blog is a pretty cool way to begin any day. His fabulous and moving art, his provocative and tellings shares, his funny stories, and quite possibly the most endearing aspect I find is his rebel ways.

In some way this blogger who creates on his blog Strange Trip Times @ http://strangetriptimes.wordpress.com/2012/06/24/inspiring/  has found reasons to award me The Very Inspiring Blogger Award. I am very thankful and grateful for his thoughtfulness.

THANK YOU MY INSPIRING BLOGGER FRIEND!

THIS AWARD COMING FROM STRANGE TRIP TIMES IS REALLY WHAT IS INSPIRING. I CANNOT THANK HIM ENOUGH FOR THIS KIND AND GENTLE SHOW OF SUPPORT. YOU ARE ONE CRAZY & INSPIRING HAPPY HIPPIE DUDE WHOSE WRITINGS AND ART SPEAKS TO THIS PURPOSEFUL HAPPY HIPPIE CHIC~QUITE OFTEN WE HAPPEN TO  SPEAK THE SAME LANGUAGE~

This blogger has blown me away with his art to be sure, which I happen to find to my taste.  Once I started reading his posts I discovered a guy who is not afraid to be in touch with what he feels. I know this not because I know him personally; I know it because his writing tells his readers what he’s thinking and how he is feeling about those thoughts. I find this rare for the gents in my generation to share like this. When I read his posts they either reach a place in the heart or mind, or he will post something that is a funny and that gives me a good belly laugh. And.. I find his rebellious statements about life and the world incredibly thought-provoking.   I have to remind myself that this is a man of my own world, a Baby Boomer.  I have to remind myself that this is not a man of Hemingway’s world. I think that you would find his blog fascinating,  His is one of the first blogs I started to follow as a newbie to blogging.

Now on to the award. I am supposed to reveal seven (why seven I wonder)  things about myself and then also nominate 10 to 12 others. I liked the way that my Awarder presented his requirements. Neat and tidy, to the point. I so wish sometimes that I was organized in that way. But it’s my reality that I’m coming to terms with that I am not comfortable unless I have a bt of clutter. Piles of books, magazines, art supplies, yarn and crocheted projects all help to allow my safe being to be in place. OH! ..Oh…I could have used that as one of the seven things to reveal about myself . I’ll never have a tidy desk, and I’ll always write hundreds of more words than I really may need to. I’ll not ever create a tidy and neat post that is well-organized, that is not who I am,. Despite that I admire this so much  in others.

Awarding others is bittersweet. I want to name you all and having to choose is painful. I follow these blogs for good reasons, not just because I can. If you find that you have not visited any of these Blogs that I name here I have to say I think you’re missing out. Drop by and have a look-see, I think you’ll find some really talented people from all walks of life,  and from all over this wide world.

To these bloggers that I recognize here today please know that it is indeed done so in the spirit of finding inspiration from you and your blogs. This kind of inspiration is what helps set  our own creative wings soaring. Thank you for that today, and for everyday knowing that we are just one click away from finding absolute inspiration.

Drumroll for……..

I am awarding each and every one of the Blogs that I follow on a regular basis along with these mentioned. Please know that if your blog name is not listed it is not because you are not deserving. In most cases I think I am doing you a favor by not having you repeat the same awards, over & over again. And then there are some of you for reasons of your own who openly accept the acknowledgement but they have reasons for not participating. Good reasons, and not meant to slight any award or awardees. Other wise all your names would be added here,

CONGRATULAIONS TO EACH AND EVERY BLOGGER THAT I FOLLOW. YOU ALL ARE OUTSTANDING AND TALENTED PEOPLE WHO DESERVE THIS AWARD.

Seven Self Reveals:

 I am also going to try to adopt the style of participation that the blogger who awarded me used. I actually find that this is done in the name of Inspiration. He has inspired me to be more raw and real with my own reveal. Kind of scary……..

So Cheers to my Inspiring Blogger who has indeed inspired me to be real, and to be raw.

  • I am survivor and thriver of childhood sexual abuse.

  •  I sadly have the tendency to be judgemental of parents who let someone else raise their children.

  •  My mother, father, both maternal and paternal grandparents drank to the point if it becoming a disease in them.

  •  I do not drink

  •  I grew up in a chaotic and violent home.

  •  I left home and was on my own at age 15

  •  I am happily married to the best man this Baroness could ever have hoped for. My Baron, the father of our two daughters. They, who were the minority in the school regarding parental relationships. Our girls had parent’s that had chosen to be together forever, and as best friends. Our home is a happy home still 42 years later. Today they still think that it’s  pretty cool. 

 The moral to this is that you do not have to become that which you came from.

My broken home as a child was a teaching ground for me while I was there. I knew exactly what I did not want my life as an adult to become. I did not have a choice as a child. As an adult, albeit an emancipated one at age 15, I had a choice. And I was and still am living by my choice.

©tjhelser2012