Tag Archive | insomnia

Still Waiting…..and Waiting….On The Man

For those of you who also follow me on other blog FullCircledMe @ fullcircledme.wordpress.com/ please know that I will be reblogging this same post there. (so if you an alerted twice know it is the same post) I want, and even maybe need to share this on both blogs. Only you followers of both blogs will have the benefit to the post I have initially posted about this at FullCircledMe. I just realized that could be a bit of an issue.  We’ll see, I am always up for an experiment.

I am so not the patient person that I wish sometimes I was. Like today

I am waiting and have been waiting for ALL of my life for a phone call. Okay, not all of my life, but certainly the past say… er… 5 to 6 weeks. And definitely the last 3 weeks I have been waiting. And the call I am waiting for involves a pretty important man in my life right now.

But still I am waiting….and isn’t there a song?

The phone call I am waiting for and that is making me a bit wicked because of its failure to ring is from a surgeon. A neurosurgeon to be exact.

After much hullabaloo to get into see this physician I then went through a two-part series of injections into the cervical nerves affecting my ability to function, and my pain levels that I deal with daily. The two-part test injections were performed, I was given the okay to go ahead by the doctor who agreed to the procedure, and my insurance company. Last week I was told by his medical assistant that my pre-auth had come through, I was just had to wait for his surgical scheduler to phone me. Cool.

If I seem like I am little  too excited to have this procedure done,… you’ve got good instincts. I am impatient and I need to have this done. My life feels like it is limbo right now. But I waited for the Elusive Scheduler to phone.

I am still waiting…

I am waiting to have a Radio-frequency Ablation (RAF) done.

Some of you may be asking yourself what is an RAF and why would she be waiting to have one done.” The what it is in some detail is inserted for your convenience if you are interested towards the bottom of the page. The why I will briefly explain only as I have been living with unacceptable pain again from my spine in the neck for  the last two years. It has also in the past nine months started to affect my range of motion, and ability to function. I have been in Physical & Occupational Therapy for pretty close to a continued time of over one year. The pain is affecting my life to the point where I am unable to find any position to be comfortable in except the pile of different pillows on my bed that allows me to lay against them, and they surround me like a nest. The pillows offer the soft support I need.ave even purchased two pillows from www. My Pillow.com that are the best pillows I have ever had. I purchased one and within one week knew I had to have two. They should be a medical write off but I am not sure yet.

I also have Connective Tissue Disease and Fibromyalgia which creates a hyper sensitivity to almost anything touching skin and my muscles. There days when even the spray of a shower hurts I know that my pain levels and inflammation levels are sky rocketing. I have a lovely shower head that D bought just because it can be adjusted to even almost just a dribble. The setting I that I like is just like a gentle rain which is why he bought it for me, but there are days when even that is just too much.  Like the past week. Our poor cat, Truman has no clue that while he is walking across my body with his sweet little white booted paws he is hurting me with each lingering step. It’s all I can do on some days not to help him along just a little bit. 

Because the pain levels have built to a point where I am needing stronger pain medication, I am not sleeping, unable to do a lot of physical activities because right now it is excruciating painful to have my left arm hanging at my side, and that I also am unable to raise it above my head, are the reasons why I am waiting to have this procedure done. 

In the late 1990’s I had these same symptoms, which led ultimately in 2000 to having a Cervical Fusion Arthoplasty. This that is creating the symptoms that I am dealing with now 12 years later are not from my fusion. I am told it still looks “great”; that the hardware which is made of Titanium is intact and in good shape. For me who had jaw implants that failed in the late 80’s this was extremely reassuring. But I did not expect anything different as this implanted material was researched ad nauseam before the surgery was even agreed upon. By myself.  I was told that my neck is “wearing out” above and below my fusion. This is the least invasive technique that may give me some relief available.

The history behind what got me to where I am at today is on my other blog if you’d like to know more: www.fullcircledme.wordpress.com/

So as the spine in my neck is “wearing out”, “the arthritis is spreading into the thoracic regions; and the thinning inside the bones of the spine which is “cervical stenosis”: are all happily doing their things.

And I am still waiting for HIS phone call.

One phone call. It has been a week since last I heard that “someone will be calling you to schedule a date and time for this procedure.”  Did not happen! No phone call yesterday. Okay I thought it is a holiday.

So at 9:01 AM this morning I was on the phone. I left another message, feeling now that I almost  am having to beg to have this procedure done. Begging while praying all the time that Dr Swift’s support staff in his office start doing some supporting. I have a hard time with patience and tolerance when it comes to a job not being done with some sense of professionalism and with organized consistency. I am not the most patient person right now. I admit it. And usually this is not a big problem with me. I was surprised really when about just an hour and half later my phone call was returned.


Another person’s whose name I never have heard before calls. Ellie tells me that they just received the pre-auth this morning.   Really?  was feeling just a bit cheeky now after all this absurdest nonsense just to get an appointment. I responded to her that I find it interesting that apparently one hand is not talking to the other in her office – because I was told the same thing a whole week earlier. She was quiet.  I was ticked.

I would much rather have someone tell me a mistake had been made than to act like I, or they, do not know what ANYONE is talking about. Pretending to be dumb when something goes awry must be being taught to the people in business school these days. While I was calling her out she started to back pedal, finally discovering that to tell me that the pre-auth just showed on her desk sounded plausible she stuck with that.

Yeah, that was the ticket. and in the mean time I tell her that…

I am still here waiting….

I agree with her that is likely what happened, and let the petty argument go. I, after all need these people to at leat not hate me, to not be annoyed with me when I come in for the RAF. I kind of would like the surgeon and his staff to have a favorable attitude towards me. I am thinking this would be a good idea. I can find a way to let  those who are in the know at said clinic  be aware of the circumstances that surrounded this fiasco on another date. For now I need to keep peace. After I have a brief and gentle blow out on Ellie’s dime I hear her tell me that she is going to give The Scheduler, another Elusive Scheduler, a note on her desk to expedite the scheduling process and to get me scheduled as soon as possible. I pray this is so.   I asked her what this meant for me?  This week?  Next week? Another three weeks?

I know….. I know…, rather cheeky. Maybe it was not necessary. I’ll never know.  I explained as best as I could ( without storming out loud to her  all that I was thinking to myself) that it had been an unbearable & unreasonable three weeks out the last two years that the pain and other symptoms like numbing hands and fingers had been going on. That my life is at a standstill it seems because there is so much I am unable to do. I tried as hard as I could to stay assertive and not become tearful. I told her just how frustrated I have been, and trying to get even further along with what I need to share, that if having to wait for another week I will then be at a breaking point and the clinic’s credibility with me is going down hill fast!

All the while….I am still waiting..

I believe Dr Swift has a right to know what has gone on in his office. Such like the issues I had when trying to get my first appointment. How can what they don’t know about get fixed?  I wonder though if this might be a sampling of why Dr Swift is picking up his lily pad and moving to another pond. I’ve heard from everyone I speak to about him that HE IS THE MAN! He is the man worth waiting for. So I am praying for more patience, ..ahem…. maybe I should be saying praying for patience.. any patience would do at this point….

While I am still obviously still waiting!


If you are interested in knowing  more:    

Main article: Radio frequency nerve lesioning      [ Resource: Wikipedia.org ]

RFA, or rhizotomy, is sometimes used to treat severe chronic pain in the lower (lumbar) back, cervical, (neck) and upper back, where radio frequency waves are used to produce heat on specifically identified nerves surrounding the facet joints on either side of the lumbar spine. By generating heat around the nerve, its ability to transmit pain signals to the brain is destroyed, thus ablating the nerve. The nerves to be ablated are identified through injections of local anesthesia (such as lidocaine) prior to the RFA procedure. If the local anesthesia injections provide temporary pain relief, then RFA is performed on the nerve(s) that responded well to the injections. RFA is a minimally invasive procedure which can usually be done in day-surgery clinics, where the patient is sent home shortly after completion of the procedure. The patient is awake during the procedure, so risks associated with general anesthesia are avoided. An intravenous line may be inserted so that mild sedatives can be administered. The major drawback for this procedure is that nerves regenerate over time, so the pain relief achieved lasts for only a short duration (6–24 months[12]) in most patients.

Still more information and details can also be found at:




©tjhelser 2012

Okay Chicken Little…Happy Palm Sunday To Us All!

Someday’s the sky may feel like it should be falling on you; yet you are able to raise your arms up-stretched enough to say, “Okay Chicken Little Get outta my way!”

And yet on those rarest of days when it seems like you are unable to stretch your arms to the heavens fast enough there is a special kind of magic that can happen as long as your eyes are cast above.

I wrote in a prior post that my typical attitude is not one where I tend to look only inward. That pity parties for one are not my norm. I’ve too much to be grateful for to have even the most discouraging thoughts or events derail me. I am blessed in ways that many are not even able to dream of.

It upsets and disgusts me to find that I alone let myself succumb to this self-pity. And please, please know I am only saying this out loud now as a way of an affirmation. Today is Palm Sunday and there is a reason for even this lesson on this Holy Day.  My prayer is that if should I see myself heading in this downward spiral I’ll stop, and let myself out of the pity party ride for one before I get so sucked into the force pulling out is harder than anything I’ve had to do.  Seeing myself now, pulling myself out again will not seem like too much effort. That is when I know I am in trouble. When the wallowing starts to feel good.

Blessedly I do not get to the wallowing poin as I headed to this weekend. As I said I do not often find myself struggling emotionally with myself. Never Spiritually. But this weekend as I began the pity party for one I was setting up for was starting to feel kind of good. The old woes me was looking kind of attractive against its alternative.  Attractive because in the state where I was headed it was just so much less effort than raising my arms, so much faster than looking for healthy gratifications (always was a kind of instant loving person when it comes to gratifications)and playing into the devil’s advocate if you will, is just so much less investment.

Yet with all the taking the easy ways out, the lazy way of doing things, and looking for the path of least resistant I found mysel withf my usual smile turned upside down. Isn’t something wrong with this image?

 And because I could so easily lie my finger point against a dozen or more aspects that created small hills in my life I made the clear choice to find myself feeling sorry for myself. It seemed the easiest amount of work and God knows I was certainly overworked this past week, right?

Finding the reasons why I was a but sullen this stormy wet weekend could have been all about finding blame and justifications somewhere else. Or many someone or some where else’s. Yet there is only one truth finder who I have to account to along sids my God….

 That would be moi!

It’s also very easy to fool some of the people… some of the time… and because it is imperative for myself and for my spirituality that I never try to fool myself. ( I’m not sure I can) I’ve actually never tried for very long before because I become quite anxious. And the anxiety always has to do with the lack of honesty from within myself. ‘

Trying to fool myself has never met with a good outcome. Even when it involves circumstances that I am not seeing clearly; whether it be beliefs, actions or events in life where the actual truth is yet hidden because of ignorance of mind or heart. Or because my body is revolting. It’s always another lesson to behold. Even though at times there is not one bit of conscious acknowledgement that the thing(s) amiss are things that can recognized, it’s apparent on every level that something is missing. And is So Wrong.

This was me this first weekend of April. It was my April Fools Day. Maybe because I was the one trying to be the fooled.

Never is it a good way to start a weekend, a month or even a goal, when one’s intent is to be self-centered. And that is where I was at. I’m admitting this because it’s important for lessons to be learned. It’s one thing to find a hurdle to have to jump, it’s quite another to be enjoying the hurdle that you’re unable to jump just for pity’s sake. And I am admitting to myself and out loud that come this Sunday morning I was digging my heels in where I would have been doing better by raising my own ankles off the ground.

Can’t say why but I need not have this answer. Just realizing that I was enjoying the pity party for one was a real shock. I am so not this person. It did not add to my pride in any way.  So why? Do I really need to expend all that energy into trying to analyze why? Or is it enough to Let Go, Let God?

I think it’s quite enough. That I recognized what I was doing, where I was letting myself go to is going to be enough. I am in no need of the “where of’s” or” why’s” as long as my intent is moving forward. To let myself stay in wallowing in the mud sling is not the intent of the Walk I choose to Walk. I could get all hung up in the semantics of the why…. skidding my wheels into other wheels…. I’ve done this, been there. Actually I have spent years spinning wheels into wheels and getting no where real fast.

This late Sunday evening is finding me content. The feelings of all those passing emotions I don’t always understand have found their place once again in God’s very Loving Hand’s. Whatever the reasons for my sense of vulnerability and mis-guided need for a pity party for one are back in the places they belong. On the book sheld where The Our Life Lessons belong, and only come down off the shelf for  moments during discovery of our ultimate destinations.

I’m grateful for this weekend’s lessons. I’m most satisfied tonight that in the end where I was going was never different from where I need to be. It just seemed so for a bit. There were moments this weekend when I just knew Chicken Little was running… running frightened at the prospects of what was falling from the sky.

And then there was the BIG Fantastic Moment of clarity – Of God’s Guiding light of clarity. The moment when I knew no fear. Knew that I was finding all that I needed once I stopped looking only inward. I knew that answers that leave me contented come from looking beyond myself.

I watched as my Sunday night swelled into evening prayer’s, crowned with God’s Goodness, and thrust back into the purity of Spirit & Contentment.

Thanks dear family,framily, friend’s & readers, thanks for bearing with my rambling struggles too.~

 I am reminded gracuiously that I am one Blessed Barefoot Baroness


Concurrent Use Of Alcohol & Opiods Find

μ (Mu)-Opioid receptor. Based on OPM 2iql & 2i...

Concurrent Use of Alcohol and Sedatives Among Persons Prescribed Chronic Opioid Therapy: Prevalence and Risk Factors







Received 29 July 2011; received in revised form 14 November 2011; accepted 20 November 2011. published online 30 January 2012.


Taking opioids with other central nervous system (CNS) depressants can increase risk of oversedation and respiratory depression. We used telephone survey and electronic health care data to assess the prevalence of, and risk factors for, concurrent use of alcohol and/or sedatives among 1,848 integrated care plan members who were prescribed chronic opioid therapy (COT) for chronic noncancer pain. Concurrent sedative use was defined by receiving sedatives for 45+ days of the 90 days preceding the interview; concurrent alcohol use was defined by consuming 2+ drinks within 2 hours of taking an opioid in the prior 2 weeks. Some analyses were stratified by substance use disorder (SUD) history (alcohol or drug). Among subjects with no SUD history, 29% concurrently used sedatives versus 39% of those with an SUD history. Rates of concurrent alcohol use were similar (12 to 13%) in the 2 substance use disorder strata. Predictors of concurrent sedative use included SUD history, female gender, depression, and taking opioids at higher doses and for more than 1 pain condition. Male gender was the only predictor of concurrent alcohol use. Concurrent use of CNS depressants was common among this sample of COT users regardless of substance use disorder status.


Risks associated with concurrent use of CNS depressants are not restricted to COT users who abuse those substances. And, the increased risk of concurrently using CNS depressants is not restricted to opioid users with a prior SUD history. COT requires close monitoring, regardless of substance use disorder history.

Key words: Chronic opioid therapy, alcohol, sedatives, concurrent, substance use disorder

Sleep Angels……Don’t Deceive Me…

Sleep is a funny creature. All day long the fight to stay alert is hard pressed and the quiet thoughts of slumber are all that you can do to flush them from your mind. Thinking some time during the afternoon how simply amazing it would feel to lay your head down on a soft fluffy fresh smelling pillow for just a few minutes even. But it’s not something you indulge yourself in so that maybe tonight you’ll sleep. All night.

Rushing through evening obligations and dinner with one thing in mind. Evening tele within the family is almost more than you can bear, another repeat of Law & Order or CSI is certain to put this head into complete a nod by dessert time. Maybe just skipping dessert and heading off early is an idea?

No… going to bed before 11pm is likely to result in sleeping for maybe an hour, maybe two. Why when the body cannot hardly stay upright, eye lids refuse to stay open, and a head that sits on a neck that starts feeling thinner and weaker as each moment passes? The head feeling as heavy as the most righteous jack-o-lantern ever to be scored. Holding out to 11pm feels like  a hardship. Something seemingly impossible to achieve,

The clock hands ticking by and laughing all the while knowing its cruel and timeless game making it more difficult to keep them peepers open.


As the hour hand on the clock is approaching 9pm it occurs that a hot soak in a bubble bath will help along tonight’s agenda of slumber. Choices are always a women’s best friend. There are bath salts, bath beads, bath crystals, and bath oils in the stash for a soft body. There are also just as many fragrances if not more. Each creating its own special therapy provided by its aroma. lavender, chamomile, vanilla…. and the lovely brushes, sponges, and soft terry cloths that we use to scrub our skin till it shines are all the weapons of not just beauty alone, but for beauty sleep as well. Choosing the right one for an evening date with the Sleep Angel is not something that should ever be tampered with once your successful potion has been mastered.

After as many minutes wasted as possible setting up this beauty sleep routine; the bath ran with just the right temperature.

The room is set about with scented candles, and a cup of chamomile tea to sip while soaking up the hot scented and oiled water. Soft new age music playing ever so gently in the back ground. I personally like anything with the Pan Flute being played. A personal fave is by Ann Licafer her Cd  ” Wind and Butterfly ll”

  No hygiene rituals allowed on this night. No shaving the legs, manicure or pedi’s for this evening. This is all about relaxing. This is medicinal. making your body temp as warm as you can stand it, and for as long as you can stand it for. The idea is not a tub so hot that you are barely able to put a foot in let alone a body. The point is to have it as warm as you are able to stand it to get in, then once in let a bit of the water out. Its cooling off already and as your body aclimates  start adding hot water to get the temp up to where you can hardly take any more heat.

Lay back against the bathtub pillow and just soak and breath. If you have no bathtub pillow a rolled up bath towel will do just as nice. Laying back into the tub and relaxing requires you to be able to rest your head and neck too. This is the purpose of the pillow.

I have a neck and body pillow made just for the tub. And would never do without the neck.head pillow ever again.

There would be no point to this kind of bath without something behind your head and neck. The next thing to add to this bath requires that your head and neck are comfortably relaxed. No tight tense muscles in your upper torso are allowed. Defeats why you are doing this right from the get go. So if you find that after checking in with how relaxed your shoulders are. and find them resting just below your ears, its time to first do some relaxation techniques. Fine tune a bit of relaxation techniques first.

If you have shoulders like mine that tend to climb rather than descend I think you may find this simple 30 second tip something valuable. I did. You can do it anywhere you like. It may look odd to some, but there are few places I find formal enough that would stop me from practicing this pose. Either sitting or standing raise your arms above your head, clasp your palms together as if praying (you may add prayer to this pose, but that’s between you and spirit) Now holding your palms together press your arms together at the forearms. So that you are bringing your elbows in to touch. Hold for 5 seconds. Repeat 3 to 5 times.  You should feel a lovely gentle stretch across your shoulder blades and down in to your thoracic’. Doing this will make your shoulders fall back down where they belong, below your chin and neck. Really!  This is where they are supposed to be. I know, shocked me too.

Now that you are in the tub, muscles relaxed the next technique you’ll use is Deep Breathing. Yes, you read right, Deep Breathing.  If this is something you are familiar with feel free to move on down to the next paragraph. And I do mean slow deep breating folks.

Everyone thinks they know how to breathe until they find they don’t. Remember we hit on carrying your shoulders up to your ears? All chest breathers are notorious for carrying their shoulders to their ears. I know. I am one. If you are doing this I bet you also are breathing from your chest. This is causing you to not breath in the clean O you need, as well as you are not expelling the bad CO2. If you are dealing with any kind of chronic health issues this one excercise on breathing correctly could be beneficial in many ways.

To learn how lay on your back. Relax. Think of some place pleasant you like to be. Imagine being there. Close your eyes and begin to think of your place and just relax. Take one hand and lie it on your stomach. Is your hand moving up and down as you breathe? Or does it rest pretty steady in one place? Is your hand moving as you breathe? If so,  next moveyour hand to your chest. Relax, think of your place. Is your chest moving up and down as you breath? Yes?

If you are breathing from your chest as most o usf have done all our lives it will take just a minute to teach yourself to breathe instead from your stomach.  To breathe correctly. Doing so will be giving your body the proper oxygen in needs, but will also relax those shoulders. It’s almost impossible to breathe from your stomach and have shoulders to your ears at the same time. I’m not going to say it is impossible for someone will cleverly prove me wrong. But for our purposes I can guarantee that if you practice laying on your back, relaxing, and breathing from your stomach you’ll find you are able to relax easier. Using imagery it will take you to your fave spot faster and your entire body and mind will relax like you have never known it to. I taught my daughters this relaxation technique when they were young children. They never had one problem falling asleep.

Back in the bathtub. Practicing Deep Breathing. Imagining you are in that fave spot. In my case I am floating on my back in a warm ocean of water. I feel my body slowly falling more and more relaxed until I feel nothing but vast emptiness. Nothingness. My mind is blank, empty of all thoughts but one. The ocean water. ‘I’m soon feeling just the wave of the tide.

Once your body feels too warm to continue. This is the time to get yourself out of the tub and gentle dried off and into bed. This is key. Don’t dwaddle about cooling off. Don’t use this time to lay clothes out for the next day. Don’t even open your computer if your true goal is slumber. Monitor lights from computers can reset your circadian clock. So sleep and computers do not mix. Trust me, if you have to work, have a deadline per say, just accept that if you have trouble sleeping anyway that you’ll likely not be sleeping much on nights such as those. And don’t try to sleep for any real time.

Crawling into bed and under the covers is what is going to start the process in your body that will help bring on that much desired and needed slumber. As your body cools off its natural nerve-signaling chemicals called neurotransmitters control whether we are asleep or awake by acting on different groups of nerve cells, or neurons, in the brain. As our body cools the messages being given to our brain is sleep. Sweet and satisfying slumber.

Sleep well, Dream deep.

My New Pillow = Restful Nights

Sounds like an odd post right? A Pillow? Read on if you dare….

If I have you this far it’s because you too do not sleep well. I need to say that I’ve no clue if this is ethical per WordPress (WP), or if my friends here at WP will be offended that I so openly and brazenly endorse and advertise something that has changed my nights.

But for the cause I’m doing it anyway. I am someone who lives with pain day and night. Just like millions do, and just like a large percentage of bloggers here at WP do. Not being able to have a restful nights sleep is huge. It is one key element of my coping skills that I need to rely on. If I am unable to sleep and get away from the pain mentally for at least 4 hours at night I am no good to anyone. And if that kind of night continues into 2, 3 and even 4 nights or more I become unable to cope at all. My threshold diminishes drastically. I need to sleep.

Part of why I don’t sleep well is because I have spine disease in my neck. I have had a fusion with a Titanium plate in 2001. I have stenosis and osteoarthritis above and below my fusion. As my doctor states my ” spine is wearing out above and below the fusion. The symptoms are many and the impairment on my range of motion are at a maximum. Sleeping at night hs been a war for me for over 25 years, but just getting into a comfortable and restful position has been a nightmare for the last 12 years. Not being able to find a comfortable and supportive position for my neck and upper trunk is imperative to at least resting, even f sleep is not possible. By the end of my days my head is so heavy on my neck and shoulders I am unable to function anymore.I need that rest. And I need not fight for hours just arranging all the pillows on my bed. When I say that I have so many that they often run my husband off into the night is no exaggeration. And it’s no joke.

I have found something so amazing that I have to share. I have been advocating for myself and for others who live their lives in chronic pain every day and night but they try to live with purpose. It is for my comrade’s in the war of insomnia and C/P  that I dare break even my own rule. I never endorse anything to anyone. Just not my style. 

But… I found a pillow that has changed my nights. Has helped change my days.

I need to share this find.  this fantastic weapon I have found against insomnia I need to share. Please trust when I say that I have no interest in this company, no interest in whether a pillow is sold or not.  I just need to tell what an amazing difference this one pillow has made for me.

I am making myself comfortable in a matter of seconds, instead of fighting my herd of pillows and bed covers throughout the night. Not getting even one ounce of rest let alone any hope for real sleep. I am able to climb into bed, lay my head and neck against this pillow, tuck a part of it around both sides of my head, and fall back into it. I am in heaven for the first time that day since rising in the morning.

This pillow is doing everything it claims so far. So much so that I have purchased a second one. I have gone from resting/sleeping in a sitting position to being able to lie down like normal people do. I no longer am struggling with my neck hurting because of no real support. No longer fighting the night because the tingling and feelings of numbness being created from the nerves that are effected keep me from falling asleep.  

Of all the items I have purchased in over 28 years of dealing with one type of physical pain or another this one pillow has made all the difference. One that no other item has. I can think of over a dozen other reasons why someone might benefit from this pillow. But I shall not digress.

Just One Queen Size Pillow.  

[if you are interested in more information or reading about a 10 year warranty on a pillow you can find this and more at www.mypillow.com ]


RX Induced Sleep = Altered Thoughts~ Night Six

Okay, I give.  It’s been six nights and the Ambian has done one thing consistently. And it has not been sleep. Oh yeah, there were a few rounds of a few hours of sleep. 5 hours at one time was my good night. Broken sleep is no sleep.  I am giving up the shot of maybe 5 hours in a night, and maybe is the key word here. When the side effects out weigh any benefits it’s time to make a clear choice.

The only reason I am even sharing this is because the merits of RX induced sleep are randomly made to look so easy, such a normal part of life for an adult. All the magazine advertisements say so, the television commercials say so. Even some  physicians say so.
It’s normal part of adult passage to have a sleep issue and there are magic pills to put you to sleep, to wake you up, to keep you awake. “Here, just let me give you 30 of these and come back and see me in a month.”  I wonder though for how many this is really their reality. Their norm.

Is it just me, and folks like me who have a sleep disorder that find the RX medications may bring on side effects that maybe should be part of the norm talk and propaganda too? Oh sure there is the fine print, covering the pharmaceutical company’s bum. It was not enough of a warning for me. But then to be fair how much of any warning would have been enough to keep me away from the magic pill that promised to blissfully lull me into at least 8 hours of sleep?  None. Maybe my doc realized this long before I ever would.  I, the patient accepted the RX without much thought except, sleep please…. who knew?

Okay, I hear you.. Bloggers unite! Of all the bizarre things for this 50 plus year old woman to try to wrap her mind around. Before I take the risk of introducing any magic pill into my life that I may find honest and credible information from fellow and sister bloggers that serves me far better than from the traditional resources blows my mind. But it’s true. At least in this case it holds true for me. I could have gained so much knowledge that would have been credible in so many ways. This just stuns me. no offense.

Maybe it’s the community of bloggers I visit. No doubt the particular information I have now garnered from folks blogging about insomnia and sleep meds comes from bloggers with like experiences and minds. But isn’t that the point? Isn’t that the point of a community? You can see I am arguing out loud with myself.  I was the lady of the 60’s who said in the 90’s I’ll never have a computer in my house. 

Come 1996 and my husband who sometimes knows me better than myself, or I catch up late, gifted me my first computer. I was so flipping afraid of this BIG BOXY thing that I was certain my first attempt with the Cyber Highway was going to bring on the CIA.  By default.  My husband who is a retired trouble-shooter for what once was called THE PHONE COMPANY would come home from work and find me in a pile of frustration. I was afraid to make one more key stroke for fear I would blow the whole thing up myself included. He would quickly & quietly put things in order and say to me, Okay, try again. So I did, and I finally found that whatever I would do wrong to hose things up generally were an easy fix and I discovered forums and chat rooms. I learned very fast that chat rooms were not for me. But forums I did not have a thread winding down faster than I could type. In these forums I discovered this community of people who were attempting to live their lives in pain while still functioning. Just like me! How cool that was to find that I really was not alone. Even if I had isolated myself alone pretty much in my apartment building in downtown Seattle I found there were people who just like me are in pain daily, and just want some semblance of a normal life. A new community in my life.

When something as important as not being able to sleep is happening in your life who do you talk to for insights? Of course, the people in your community you trust. I delightfully found that most, not all, of the people in this community who live with intractable pain and/or insomnia are trusting and honest people. They have one agenda, that is to come together and share information and personal experiences for one goal. Answers. In this process comes valuable information that I plan on using as a reliable and credible resource from now on. This may not be new to most, this idea, this accessing information that is applicable to my life in such a personal way. And then maybe applying some of it. Who knew?

The information that can be gathered just from this community of bloggers blows my mind. 

 I have shared for years my own journey down the path of chronic pain and sleepless nights. But I have avoided such personal info until of late about topics such as medications.  Why?  I guess my answer is that this is the generation I am from. I can only imagine what my mom would think. Discussing such things with pure strangers, not even people I can put a face to.  Imagine. But then I am from the generation who took Imagine to it’s new heights.

My two daughters are cheering me on. Of course they are from a different generation. One that grew up with technology evolving as fast as they changed their hair styles. Me? Not so much. My hair for instance is still as long as I almost tall.

My inclination to come to my sister and fellow folk who put their feet on the floor every day that they can just like I do, and to find valuable honest sharing that I cannot find anywhere else is what I shall listen to. This community is where I will first ask those important questions. Why? Because thye will have the honest answers.  It’s a bit bizarre for me as I said. But with each virtual hand-held out I become more confident in what is held back. With each honest blogger I come in contact with, whose words come across the page as if they were in real  time,  I feel a sense of  belonging to a community that ironically is not found anywhere else.  For me that is just so strange. 

RX meds and advice. Had I taken the time to use this community and ask what other’s experiences had been like, would I still have accepted the RX without question?  I’m not sure. Having not slept for more nights than I can count, for more years than I can count, I maybe thought this was the one magic pill that was going to give me excellent results. 

That is what the advertisements promised though, isn’t it?

Rainy Days on Monday

This is a graphic which shows the average hour...

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Awww… sleep is an amazing remedy. I am feeling better today than I have in several. All thanks to 5 unbroken hours of sleep. I was complaining of an RX that I was not sure what it was doing, but sleep the first two nights it did not bring.

Maybe three times is the charm. No matter. I am not looking a gift horse in the mouth today. I had 5 hours of good sleep which means that maybe today I’ll be productive. Produce something. Whether it be a few cards, do the laundry, or just sit and listen to the rain, I have no clue. But I am going to do whatever I do with a smile on my face today. No need for sunglasses to shelter my red eyes from the light of day.

5 hours! That’s all it took today to change how I feel?  Even though my pain level is where it has been my coping skills are sky-rocket high. I can do this today with gratitude and grace.

Good morning Monday!