Tag Archive | Human nature

The Taste of Bittersweet Prevenge

Image result for prevenge


“Get them before they get you.”

“Why wait until after you get screwed over? Practice prevenge, you will feel better.”

To name it is to tame it.

Every once in a while as a Lover of Words I am surprised when introduced to a new word or a new context in which a word is used. When such an event happens I am again happily (and with much contentment) reminded of how much of a love affair I have with words and the stringing of them together to express what our hearts and minds know.

Being taught a new word recently also taught me behind that word is a theory involving human nature and behavior that I knew but I never had a word for. A theory about the human behavior of agendas and motivations. I understand IT. 

I believe IT’S employed more often than we realize. IT leaves a bitterness in my throat I have difficulty swallowing. But IT is a reality. I have first hand experience with walking through life in a state of prevenge, and with those too who like me have used the tactics of prevenge.

As I understand “IT” aka “Prevenge” is an effective way to deter and deflect away from becoming involved with someone or a situation that comes with the risk of being hurt. In premeditation prevenge entails erecting emotional walls and defenses in preparation of being hurt – preparing to do the attacking hurting first…Prevenge. In the act of prevenge the person perceiving there is a possibility of being hurt engages in hurting first. In deciding to strike first the prevenger’s hope is their act will preemptively discredit and render impotent the effect of a hurtful act upon their self.

Apparently, although rarely recognized for what it is, prevenge is used frequently because it works. It works because most people are kind and wince at the thought that they are doing something unkind, immoral, or inconsiderate, we are reluctant to believe not all walk through life the same. The claims that there are those who are not alike in kindness melts our resolve, and we become receptive and surrender to feelings of self-doubt.

Prevenge is employed through all kinds of exchanges. When the prevenger suspects feelings are at risk of being hurt or feedisappointment they engage in tactics of prevenge, trying to deflect from being the one hurt…..first.

Tactics of Prevenge via deflection & deterrents. Attack.

The Wounded (“Why do you have to be so mean?”)

The Exasperated (“Oh boy, here we  go again.”)

The Preacher (“C’mon, show some respect.”)

The Weary (“Sigh. . . . “)

The Cold Shoulder (“Well,  that’s YOUR opinion.”)

The Misinterpretation (“Well, if you hate me, why didn’t you just come out and say so?”)

The Strategic Adviser (“You should have told me differently, at a different time, in a different place, with a different tone.”)

The Analyst (“You’re misguided.”)

The Upper Hand (“Oh, grow up.”)

The Well-Adjusted Humorist (“Geez, can’t you take a joke?!”)

The Mute (……… The silent treatment)

. . . among many others. There are situations certainly in which every response on the list is perfectly honorable, heartfelt, and appropriate. But it’s precisely why these responses can be counterfeited and used for prevenge.

Prevenge is among some of the most powerful and pervasive rhetorical human behavior tactics. Meaning “rhetorical,” in that it adds weight to any argument regardless of the argument’s intrinsic merit, but it’s a general-purpose, passive-aggressive persuader and a generic influencer. Rhetoric in that although effective going through life in a state of prevenge is disturbingly sad.

Quite effectively prevengers get a good grip on others and their actions and finding the threat of their emotional response credible. Credible because often their proffered emotional response seems natural or justifiable. Prevengers react first and without validation, their ultimate goal is to hurt before they’re hurt. Risking being wrong in their assumptions is simply collateral damage they willingly accept.

I can’t say prevenge is or is not necessarily wrong, every person and circumstance being different,  but it certainly is strong – strong, persuasive, and inherently compelling. So….when someone uses these tactics attempting to strengthen even their most indefensible demands the word wrong enters my consciousness.

This discovery (through a friend) of a word describing a prevalent human behavior has given me an awareness I didn’t have before. I recognized the behavior as soon as the word was explained to me, but prior I would have been hard-pressed to describe it in a word. Consequently I will be proactive at learning how best to avoid prevengers as well as (maybe more importantly) work to curtail my need for prevenging tactics.

I don’t want the bitter taste of prevenge keeping me from swallowing life, and I don’t want to miss out on life’s possibilities because they might be hard to swallow.





Wanted: Human Connections

The video below brought back to my consciousness something I have been thinking about for some time.  I find the video very uplifting in its creative nature and extremely inspiring. Maybe even the catalyst for this post finally coming to be. Sometimes the inspirational muse comes from very surprising places.

With the holiday season upon us my thoughts have become quite focused on human connections and interacting with each other
We as humans need and are nurtured by human contact. Through the history of our human nature we have been drawn together almost like magnets.
From the beginning of time humans have had a compulsion to connect with one another, to form communities, We know this intellectually and instinctively that we have a need & desire for connections with others.
We communicate of course with our voices, eyes, faces, hands, touch, and body language. The common ways we exchange ideas, thoughts & feelings when we’re able to be in the same air space, this lets us see and feel what another is living.
We are naturally empathetic and sympathetic people.
But what happens to the quality and genuineness of our communications if we remove the ways I outlined in how we communicate?

Communication & interacting with one another is so strong a desire and/or need that we use other methods to express and communicate even when we are physically apart. We have always been compelled to stay in touch even with great distances. From messenger on horseback, stage-coach, and the pony expresses to text & instant messaging today, it has become far more convenient to remain in touch.
Despite the frequency and conveniences for these interactions today I wonder if we are not missing out on something very tangible and irreplaceable..
My personal feelings are that this has only detracted from the quality of communicating with one another. In my humble opinion we are becoming a society of anonymity and I am concerned that we also are losing our ability to have empathy for one another. With the wonder and advent of the technological advancements we have less reason to go outside our own comfort. Consequently we do far less interacting with one another; we have fewer practical needs in managing our lives where interacting with others is the normal routine of living.
  With the click of mouse we can have our entire life managed logistically from behind a computer monitor or a smart phone today. Even voice to voice calls has become a chose du passé.
An email or text? More prudent?
With texting, email, instant messaging, Facebook, chat rooms, and yes even blogs as our modes of how we stay in touch we have less need to be together in person. Less logistical needs that is. I dare say we also have strong emotional needs to be together, and to interact in person. 
I watch, and I participate…yet still with some reluctance and reservations 
In my way of thinking we are losing some very important aspects of communications.
Without the enhancements to our communicating by the abilities to see one another eye to eye, face to face, in person, without our hands describing ‘what a spiral is’ or our voice inflections, we lose pertinent content in communications which typically help bring the full picture into view.
Without our voice inflections, our hand gestures, or the ability to look one another in the eye we really only have words.
(Think conversation in monotone.)
How much about what is being said is also being left out of the full picture when we don’t have those added enhancements?
I watch and am often baffled how in some senses we are isolating more and more despite living in very urban communities. Some people go without any contact or touch from anyone significant in their life by choice. Some even go without ever having anyone personal or impersonal in their world, completely isolating, rarely seeing another soul, nor hearing another voice.

I question what this is doing to our ability to empathize with each other..

Emotions that are unattached for instance to typed words via today’s convenient forms of communicating are we creating a society where we are  more and more disengaging emotionally from each other? 
The face to face, the in person times of communicating are becoming less and less. We with our busy lives naturally find the easier and more convenient route to reaching out and touching someone,
Are we losing something in the process?
Yet with all that being said, and questions being posed, I still find there are positives in the advent of computers and the Wide World Web.
Our ways of interacting and communicating have changed us and .I being a lie-time student of human nature am fascinated by the changes we’ve already seen in the world today. Changes in how global boundaries have shrunk, how the oceans have virtual bridges that enable us to cross without ever leaving our homes or offices. We can connect with people and cultures that without we might never have otherwise.
I am despite my concerns for what our modes of communications and the platforms we use today might mean for our near future I am yet grateful that we have this technology. for it brought me you. 
If we use it wisely and with care it can be an exciting and positive spin on how we communicate today and open the doors to new possibilities.

Even though…we have never met…even though we live different parts of the World… AND in different time zones, I just want you to know how much I appreciate you and love you.  For it is through you and your vibration that THE PLANET IS shifting from the darkness into the light.



Humble Butterfly

Humble  Butterfly

Butterfly Meaning and Animal Symbolism of the Butterfly

Symbolic Butterfly


* Grace  *  Growth *


* Elegance * Expansion * Lightness * Surrender * Transition * Expression * Celebration* Resurrection *

  * Vulnerability *

All these  *attributes the humble Butterfly represents.

In soul-searching and growing through my own journey I often find myself crossing paths with these attributes. It has been a long year;  one which I have not always been cognizant of the changes taking place, changes  that have been allowing  me to honor the me I have always been meant to be.

I have during this time struggled with being the kind of friend, person, the human being, who I have always been proud of. I have let people down during my metamorphosis. I have been neglectful. Yet I have also come to understand that like for the caterpillar’s transformation into the butterfly this is all part of life’s transitions. In the resurrection of the authentic me I will find I have only been migrating, and that metamorphous  will not be as difficult as it once seemed. If only I let go and surrender to Mother Nature.       

I have always found  Symbolic connections with  Mother Nature’s critters & animals and see it as  a powerful way to connect with Mother Nature and learn life lessons from her. – lessons that apply to my own life.

Years ago I was doing the same in consideration of my children’s lives.  At different points throughout my life I have found certain associations with life’s lessons and natures wild life.  When my two daughters were children I often would use the associations with animals and emotions to explain life to them.  Some would be as silly as an expression we used in my youngest daughter’s Montessori school;  which was simply the expression “Silly Coyote” – referring to someone being a “silly coyote” in the classroom. the children could all easily relate, they understood.

Or it could be something with great significance to me like I am sharing here – about the butterfly.

Observing the butterfly and learning her symbolic meanings offers me an opportunity to apply her movements to my life. For example, I relate the butterfly’s stages of life to my own life-phases…growing pains, times of ravenous hunger, times of vulnerability, moments of miraculous expansion, periods of vulnerabilities.

The more I look for symbolism in nature, the more I realize we as humans have a lot in common with animals, insects, and life in the wild.  Indeed, we are intimately connected with the animal [queen] kingdom. I don’t believe we can be separated from nature and her movements, nor should we want to be.

I am fascinated that cultural myth and folklore that seem to honor the butterfly as a symbol of transformation because of her impressive process of metamorphosis. From caterpillar to cocoon, and from the cocoon the butterfly emerges with her wings soaring.

“Soaring Free” painting by Joan Marie @ fineartamerica.com

There are life lessons we can learn from her. She represents life changes and transformations necessary to navigate the metamorphoses of own lives.

She who changes from what she began as, to what she becomes, in a months time. Because this is for her a complete life span.

The Butterfly asks us to accept our growth, and our changes as casually as she does her own. She embraces the changes to her body, and to her environment.

Her unwavering acceptance  to these changes are also a symbol of Faith. The Butterfly asks us to keep the Faith as we undergo transitions in our lives, and in our world. She understands that our worrying, stressing, frustration, and even anger are useless against the turning tides of nature – she asks us to recognize the same.

I believe that tapping into a kind of animal symbolism is closely related  to tapping into our own souls;  because frankly we are inseparable from nature and her creatures.

butterflies free  edited x1

In fact,  I found interestingly enough that in many cultures the butterfly is associated with the soul connecting our animal symbolism of faith with the butterfly.

Let me add that in my research about the bond between the butterfly symbol and human nature  I discovered that in Greek mythology  the psyche (which literally translates to mean “soul) is represented in the form of a butterfly. I think I knew that once, but it never had the connections it holds for me today.

Today I can relate & even bond with the traits of a butterfly that so deeply resonate within myself. Within those even closest to me.

So, tell me if you will please, just where do you find yourself in your own metamorphosis?



Signature 2013