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Second Generataion of Dirty Mothers

There are were four of them. ( sadly, three of us have now experienced what it is like to lose one of us)

And their names are BB, LM, SG. & our beloved VJ

That would be me and the three women I have grown up with. We are the four original Dirty Mothers.

A good friend whose name is David and we lost back in the 90’s  realized something we were doing which we four women had never given a second thought to, It seemed a natural for us. David thought other wise, he thought it pretty eccentric of us.

We began losing our mothers in the late 1980’s. LM,’s mother sadly was the first to leave this earth. Then it was my mother. SG’s mom & her mom’s identical twin, and lastly VJ’s mom. Since our mothers had also been neighbors & friends the wakes for each mother were neighborhood affairs.  Our friend David  who was a photographer would grace the wake with his montage of personal photographs. Always beautiful, always tasteful.

It is also David who gave us this name. The Dirty Mothers,  Not very feminine sounding I would agree   yet David.. ..being David.. would  just smile; shrug his shoulders,  hold his hands out, palms facing up; as if to say, “and your point is what?”

It really is not as unflattering as it sounds. If you know now what the significance  is to Dirty Mothers you should win a prize  just for being in the know. You might even be considered just as eccentric by your friends as David thought of us.

One of these women I met at birth, mine. (so we are told) SG is the oldest with LM being the baby, and VJ & myself in between; all four of us born in 1955.  Our family’s lived in the same neighborhood and our moms would do the stereo-typical “coffee get together” around the family dining tables most week day mornings. I have a vivid memory of them sitting together at my mom’s table, chatting about many things I did not understand.  VJ rounded us out and made us the  perfect quartet in the 7th grade,  her mom was an acquaintance to our mothers as well.

Finding ourselves having to gather so often in our 30’s  for wakes for our beloved mothers and other people in our joined lives that our dear mutual friend David nick – named us The Dirty Mothers.  An Odd & eccentric name for a group of women who have known each all of their lives. We took to it naturally.

Where.,or how did David come up this unusual name? I know you are wanting to know why this name.  If you  know the why, or are on the same page as David was without me having to tell you than  I am impressed. you can move to the head gf the class.

A hint, the nick name did not come from this song,  However; I could not believe there is a song actually titled with the same name so I am sharing it with this anecdotal story. The Mothers would approve. All of them!

The name comes from an alcoholic mixed drink that we of the now dubbed Dirty Mothers would drink during the wake memorials of our respective mothers. Our friend David spotted this ritual we had begun even before we realized what we were doing.

Hence the club of the Dirty Mothers had been born.

So what is a Dirty Mother you are asking?

We would begin by making this drink in a blender, the trick is proportions. We would begin with taking a half-gallon (2.27 liter) of Half & Half Cream & four oz (28 gm) to six of good quality gold tequila to the mix. Next add the coffee flavored  liquor  such a Kahlua™ y  a 50 to 50 ratio to the tequila. Depending on which Dirty Mother was making the pitcher of Dirty Mothers would be the deciding factor for how much is too much tequila. Blend till frothy, serve on the rocks.  And please Friends if you are going to try this,  do put your seat belts on before you even begin.

My friend and yours: A Dirty Mother.

These women and I would spend the evenings together after all family & friends had finally gone on to their own lives again. We would find a quiet alone place to huddle together, hanging on to one another for the evening or the night – often just spending the night so no one was driving.  Albeit grown-up big girls we found slumber patties to be comforting on such evenings.  We still do. This was not our typical time spent together obviously and we found being together like this required something to loosen our tongues the first time. It then became naturally our thing.

The Dirty Mothers Club.

We’d never had this when it came to the loss of any of our fathers but somehow the connection of being women made this ritual feel exactly like what we were supposed to be doing. What we needed to be doing. Even we felt we had our own mothers blessings. It was a time to spend together sharing tears, and sharing laughter. To this day I have special and cherished memories of these evenings. The painful memories are the  months weeks and or days before the wake, and during the actual memorials. These evenings were the time when our healing began.

There was something about gathering together with my extended family of women. My Dirty Mothers. You see, not only have we been friends our entire lives we are also 2nd generation friends out of four generations of the same families being connected through friendships.

Let me explain…

All four of us have had children, all girls ironically. Our children who are adults, now have children. Each generation has remained friends. Each has been raised together, knowing one another, and as close as can be while growing up without being related by blood. We may be closer in fact having the gift of choosing this our extended family. All this wonder despite living in separate cities, and towns now as adults. Four generations of being friends that made family.

The women of the Dirty Mothers & I know we have been incredibly blessed. We  know we have a special and unique friendship. And we do not take any of it for granted anymore. Like so many

Like so many things in my life…We, The Dirty Mothers have come Full Circle.

©barefootbaroness  ( re-published on FB  01. 2013 )

Share Your World Week # 36

We know it’s another week when Cee posts a new weeks Share Your World. Think it looks fun, you’re right. And no tickets, no invite needed. Just show up on Cee’s blog  http://ceeslifephotographyblog.wordpress.com/2012/08/27/share-your-world-week-36/  She’d love to see you, and have you join us.


What calms you down?

Easy. Music.  Depending on the mood, depends on the tune.

 Right now a little  CSN ~ Crosby Stills & Nash.

  • Whats your favorite fantasy sandwich?

Roasted Turkey, fresh spinach, bean sprouts, avocado,, & cranberry on artesian bread.

  • What was your nickname growing up either as a kid or now?

Not Telling ~ Nah.. you already know it. Compliments of my own Grandmother & Mother. Lady barefoot Baroness. I really never wear shoes.

  • If you were a crayon, what color would you be?

I’d have to be blue.  Although being tickled pink is kind of nice too.


Share Your World Sunday Week # 25

This is the day of the week I look forward to the most in regards to my blog life.  This weeks were fun, thought-provoking, and inspiring. I’d completely forgotten about that I used to be a picky eater. Thanks to Cee this memory has surfaced and now I am making plans for a layout about this in an altered mixed media memory book. This is exactly one of the reasons why I like this writing challenge each week. It draws up memories in the strangest ways,

  1. What’s my favorite holiday and why?

This would be the Holy Season of Christmas. It was always my mom’s favorite holiday although she really went nuts for all holidays Christmas time she became a little girl again. I think I adopted my moms love for this time of year and then I had lids. There is nothing better in my heart than seeing the children at Christmas time. I love the bling of the decorations, the goodies that get baked, the time spent with family and friends over a hot chocolate with mint. This is a time of year when I believe stresses of all kinds should be set aside until the new year, letting the spirit of the season shine on all things with peace and jo

        2. Do you prefer your food separated or mixed together?

This is a funny question for me and only Cee would know why. Thanks for this Cee.  I was at one time extremely picky about how I ate my meal, but also how it was laid out on my plate. I visualized the plate being divided into pir wedges, each part of the meal had its own wedge, or in the case of protein – two wedges. {This was when I was a child so the plate was divided far different from it is today,} I would then eat each wedge’s food supply one by one. Not mixing the potatoes into my corn. Then I got married and had children. Two things happened. The first was my husband’s D’s fried potatoes and eggs. D makes the most scrumptious fried potatoes. I have had him try to teach me so that I could duplicate his technique letting him off the hook some weekend mornings.To no avail.  After frying the spuds he then adds the whole eggs, one at a time onto to the top of the spuds and gently finishes the egg. The 1st time he made this family recipe of his mom’s for me I was certain I not would not like it because the eggs and spuds were mixed. I was really worried about being able to politely try them without gagging. The very first bite was not polite. I could hardly get it to my mouth. I added a piece of crispy bacon bite to the spoonful, smelling only the bacon which I could eat day or night as I raised it to my mouth with eyes shut tight. I was prepared to get sick and to be embarrassed. Instead I was so delightfully surprised to find that I liked the salty crispy crunchy on the outside, meaty, fluffy, potato that has bits of scrambled eggs mixed throughout.(the bacon bite was my addition) I had completely forgotten than I was eating mixed foods. Today this dish is my all the time go to comfort foo and there are now some foods that I will mix on my plate as I am eating..

      3.Before making a phone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say?

No, I am strictly an Ab liber. There have been times when I was younger for particular business phone calls I would create a script. But I would get on the phone and my personality could not be reined in so it blew my script out the window and I would wing it. So my answer would be I wing it.

     4. When you are with your friends. Do your interactions include much touching—for example, hugging, kissing, rough housing, rubbing backs?   Would you like to have more of this?

I am a touchy feely kind of person. I am of the belief that humans need that touch from one another. I believe it is healing and something that we should be doing and feeling from others every day, at least. That being said I also have come to respect people’s space, not everyone I meet is comfortable with my touchy feely way. I try to get a feel if the person is into being touched by their interactions with others, and if ever in doubt I just don’t hug or touch. When I talk I have a tendency to reach out and touch a hand, a shoulder or an arm. I am by nature a deeply affectionate person and I’d be lost without affection being reciprocated.

I would always like more affection and more hugging. As long as it is sincere and not being done because it feels expected.


©tjhelser 2012