Tag Archive | grandson

Saying So Long

Saying so long to a family member after a long visit can be bittersweet. Often bridged between feeling sad to see them go, and glad to have your house back. That;s how I feel typically when we have had family here for an extended time. For me extended time is anything after a week.By the I am tired of playing look for the needle in the haystack when even just trying to find the coffee filters in the mornings. Why is it that Bear;s best friend thinks that his sense of organization in my kitchen is best for me?

I digress.

Usually this is where I’d be after a week, bummed to see them go, we really did enjoy every minute of each others company and can laugh off the coffee filters.

Not today though. Today I am just bummed. Today our grandson leaves to go back home. He’s been with us a full month and we have loved every second.

I don’t want him to go!

Lletting T go today will be a tug on my heart-strings that will hurt for days. I’ll smell his youth of him on my arms for hours after he leaves, refusing to wash even my hands for a bit, so to hold on to that which keeps him near.

It’s been a full, busy month with T here. Having just the energy alone has been good for me. It’s hard to focus on your woes when there is 13-year-old male energy running through the house, out to the basketball hoop, p-thack!-p-thack! —against the backboard. I love these sounds, love having his presence here. I told him just last week it does not matter if he’s hanging out in his room alone, or being forced to be part of what we’re doing (such tteenage ways) it does not matter to me. Just having him here in the house is what brings him close to me. Having him here, his energy, his soul, his tall lanky body fills the air up with hope and adventure.

When he left last time in the spring he was not as tall as his Papa, This time when he came back he had passed that self-imposed goal and now has to bend to hug me and is towering over me like a man. This little guy who grew into such a tall and fine young man is my favorite grandson. Oh I know, we’re not supposed to have favorites, but in this case it’s okay.

As T reminds me when I say, “T darling, do you know I love you the most, and you are certainly my most favorite grandson to date.” He says, Oh but Nana- I AM your ONLY grandson

So long T-Man, I miss you all ready.

©tjhelser2012

He’s Gonna Be 13?

How can this Be?

Really, 13? Where did the years go? How can it have gone so fast? He was just a tiny thing all brown-eyed and snuggly when he was born almost 13 yrs ago. I received my first speeding ticket on my way to his mommy who was in labor for the first time. MY baby having her first baby.

Thirteen year ago, really?

Today at age 12, the day before he turns thirteen he stands over Six Feet Tall. Taller than his grandfather who he’s always looked up to. Now what? Tomorrow he turns thirteen and the baby boy I have been honored to closely watch grow feels just like the young man I always knew he was destined to be.

My grandson is sensitive and tender, and he’s also the funniest kid I know. He’s protective of me in ways I had no idea a child could be. Having the honor of watching him grow has also shown me what a great mom my daughter is. That she has allowed me to be such an integral part of his childhood,  not just as his Nana, but also a co-parent means more to me than they’ll ever know. My daughter is a single parent and has raised him alone since he was 3. She has received little to no financial help from my grandson’s dad and the best thing I can say about that situation is he at least has been in my grand son’s life.

We raised our two girls, and had three foster girls. Our house was always full of girls and of boys and was also the meeting-house on the block. I could not keep enough juice and snacks around, they ate us out of house and home. I would not have had it any other way, having the kids underfoot always meant I knew what was going on and where they were. Our house was always noisy and busy, the kids all felt at home and when it first became empty years later I was lost. I even would get to know many of them closely and found that often there would be somebody knocking on our door just wanting  to talk.

As the kids all got older the boys becoming young men I found I knew nothing about what makes a boy tick. I had never missed not having a boy of our own. I never went through anything like the fact that not having a boy causing me to feel like I had missed out. I still don’t. But what I do feel now, and know within my heart is that I had been missing out on knowing how a baby boy becomes a young man. A young man who may become a husband and father someday.

How does this happen?

Having had these 12 years with my grandSON growing right beside me I now know. Through my daughter I now have had my little boy. I have watched him grow from infant through his toddler days The best! I have been privy to know him as he grows from toddler to a grade school chum. Seeing this young boy learn how to navigate with others his own age, and teachers who are really his first bosses has been fun and exciting. Then onto middle school and the beginning of his jock years. He’s an athlete and loves his sports. And in this family it’s encouraged it at all costs, except him. He’s not a happy camper the semester he has to take off. His mom is smart, she knows that a growing body should not play competitive sports year round at his age.  Watching him develop his own persona is a gift from him, and his mom and dad. One that I had no idea would mean so much. But it does.

It means so much to have the gift of being part of his life, and having him so near. This little boy who seemed like over night he suddenly became a young man, who is a protective entity in my life. I have never known this feeling from such a young man and am in awe of it and him. He’s a wonderful student who gets A’s and B’s, has played sports since he was 4 yrs old when he started playing T-Ball. Only because he was too young to play basketball. He’s played baseball, football, and his passion basketball. He looks the part of a basketball player by being so tall and lanky, yet has become as graceful as a swan (Do Not Tell Him I Just Said that please) He’s a kind kid who looks out for best of others. He’s not too old yet to tell us he loves us, and to give us hugs. Maybe someday, but not yet. When he hugs me his Nana, he has to bend his tall body almost in half while telling me that I don’t have to stand on my tip toes to hug him back.

My grandson turns 13 today. He has been a very polite kid all his life being raised with rules and boundaries in place. As he gets older and becomes a teenager I am so proud of the young man is continuing to be. He is the young man who is much taller than me, who you might see me out having lunch with, or maybe shopping. He’s the kind of young man who I will proudly show off any chance I get

He’s the young man in my life who is turning 13;  and I still cannot believe sometimes that he’s the same little infant my daughter brought home from the hospital that day. Where did those years go so quickly that I watched pass by?

Happy Birthday T-Man!

You know I am your Number Two(2) Fan!!

Never forget just how much your Nana loves you!

©tjhelser2012


Share Your World Week #30

This weeks SYW (Share Your World) entry was posted late with my blessings. Although Cee had no way of knowing that by being behind (per Cee) she was giving me the great gift of time. Our 13-year-old grand son T* arrived this weekend for a month’s visit and as I was rather taken with this handsome young man, he ended up being our entire weekend!

“And happily so!”, says his Nana!

As soon as he walked in the door I saw the change, and it was not just that he is taller than his 6 ‘2″ tall Papa. At just 13 years old T* very well could reach his great uncle’s 7 foot height, T* also has had a slow grace finally come into his actions. He no longer moves about like the colt who is just trying to find his legs. He also has a much deeper voice that now matches how tall  he has always been. People mistakes T*”s age because he’s so tall, and complete strangers have been doing so since he was about 10 years old. He holds up his end of a conversation so well that I would let him be included in almost any adult conversation that a group of people were discussing today. O am so proud of him I could bust.

So much changes happen with children in just such a few months. T* was here in March for a week of his spring break. In just 3 short months talks on the phone never spoke of the changes that were happening to him, that he was growing to be such a fine young man does not surprise me. That it happens in such a short time has blown me completely away. It shouldn’t, I have spent time away from my grandchildren enough to know that they grow without me being there with them.  How dare them, eh? I cannot stop them and God knows how  I have tried. 🙂  But that T* has grown so much – so fast  – was a surprise. So many changes all at once (it feels like to me) are remarkable &  extraordinary. He’s my only boy in our family of all girls and he’s my light. Watching him grow and being part of his life has meant that I have been able to be privy to what makes a good man in this world happen.

My busy weekend would never have allowed me the time to write and enjoy SYW questions as I do when I can take my time to answer. I dislike feeling rushed. So from my heart to your’s Cee thank you for this, and I do hope you were able to enjoy our lovely weather and that is why you were felling behind.

Lots on my mind this post, maybe I should turn in to two posts…… But I won’t.

Colorado Fires have been breaking my heart~

I have been thinking about Cee & Chris so much when I watch the news about their beloved Colorado, and now the fires. I do hope that no one they know and love are being affected by the fires. I also pray and hope that my bestie’s children and grand children are safe. Just returning home to the states after a tour in Peru they do not need this either in their lives. But who does? It’s just that this family is dear to me. I was listening to some of the victims who lost their homes and thanked God it was not them. I’ve lit my prayer candle yesterday for all the homeowner’s, their children, and the entire state.. If you can send thoughts, prayers & energy to these people who all seem to know that it was just things they lost.I admire their humbleness.  That they have their lives and the lives of their family members is all that counts.

President Obama has declared the areas as disastrous zones so help from our government is finally coming. If anyone would like to send help to these families who have lost everything you may do so through the link below. It is a link sponsored by CBS News so you should have some sense of credibility if sending monetary donations. These people need everything, especially personal items such as clothing, toiletries, etc..

Here is the CBS link:

http://denver.cbslocal.com/2012/06/18/high-park-fire-how-to-help/

I do hope I have not lost you!

Now onto this weeks fun questions.

  • You are invited to a party that will be attended by many fascinating people you never met.  Would you attend this party if you were to go by yourself?

Me? No way! It’s not my style First I am not much of a party attendee. I’d only go to something like this if it was work related and I had no choice. Never mind for social reasons. 

  • If you were the original designer of one existing corporate logo, which one would you select?

Oh Gosh, something else I find hard to choose. Logo and brand names I really don’t do. I’m not even sure I know of any. That being said; I actually have a pair of prescription eye glasses that the frames are Calvin Klein. Not because of the name were they chosen, but because I love the frames was the reason. I hid the case which  came with them but bears the brand name. I;m not doing anyone’s advertising for them, Thank you…

So my answer will be ….Let’s see…..this is stretching for me.. I’ll say… Levi Strauss Jeans. Nah.. not Calvin!

  • If you could be a student of any university in the world right now, where would you enroll?  irregardless of which university assume they teach what you want to study.

Oxford. I’d love the old vintage ambiance of the campus. I love the history. It would be my fantasy. I’m giggling at irregardless too ( I know you are having a wonderful belly giggle, my bestie.  [private joke so please forgive me] ), must have been written by a Oregonian, eh?

  • If you had to spend one weekend alone in a single public building or institution, which building would you choose?

Yeah!! One I have not had to think one second about! The answer for me would be a Library without a doubt. Bring me food, water, and my pillow  I could exist the rest of my life there. And Happily So!

I hope you enjoyed the Share Your World questions and if you are up for the challenge please join us all each week. We have a blast sharing with one another the questions our author and founder Cee sets out for us each week. The Share Your World (SYW) link is at Cee’s blog: Cee’s Life Photography @ http://ceeslifephotographyblog.wordpress.com/2012/07/02/share-your-world-week-30/

Thanks so much Cee for another weeks amazingingly fun questions. I was really stumped by a couple questions this week.. Good job on that~

Please, come join the fun!

tjhelser2012

A Borrowed Love Song~ Because I Need You Now!

Dearest Grandson T; (I will not use your name here only so that I do not cause you any embarrassments of discomfort.)

I miss you this cold and windy day more than you’ll ever know. You’ve brought so much sunshine and warmth to my world and to have you now gone is sometimes more than I can bear. I have little doubt that you’re happier where you are and I saw this coming. I was just not prepared for it so soon. It’s not anything I want you to ever feel responsible for but I cannot help but miss you more than I hurt. The empty hole in my heart that was left behind shocks me, you’re not that far away and visits will happen often. The one I was counting on tonight has left me down, left me feeling like I really need you now.

This love letter and borrowed song may seem to you like these two things should be saved to be given only to lovers.To boyfriends from girlfriends. Not true. My heart has grown with so much love for you the baby boy who was born into this family, and the young gentle man you have spent the last 12 years growing to become. I’ve watched in fascination and delight. Never raising a boy before and only having girls I am often amazed at how different yet amazing boys are. This kind of letter and the dedication of this song below are only meant to express to you how much I need you now in my life, and always will.

The family traditions that we’ve played out each year I have discovered where not for me, maybe not even for anyone else in this family. I may have been fooling myself. They were and are for you and your only cousin on this side of your Nana & Papa’s family. Without you they are not what I thought they were. They are not the traditions I know without you. This is why I need you now. You Master T. & Ms K. are what it all was for. All about your shining eyes and willing hearts in the days leading up to any holiday would leave me with awesome anticipation and excitement at the thoughts of cooking and baking together, playing games, fighting (deciding) who will say grace that year, and the meals we shared. Sitting across the table from you and being reminded just how much I love you and that I need you in my life, in my world. That when I said as a little girl: “I want to be a grandma” it was because of you. The need of having a grandchild just like you.

I am not as selfish as this letter seems. I promised you that I only want what you are looking for to make you happy, to keep you safe and successful at what you choose to do. And I am able to keep that promise, to put your feelings and wants ahead of mine almost every time. Usually without any exceptions, questions or doubts.

 Except when I’m needing you now.

Having just this tiny family and watching it dwindle down is like losing someone you love very dear and not being able to stop the actions of others causing it to happen. I know this is all more mature than some might think good for you, but I know you T. I know how you were raised. I know that honest feelings were always spoke out loud and not shoved under some false idea of what is proper, and what is not. You were protected and kept safe, but not sheltered. I pray, even as I miss and need you now that those things you learned as you matured are things that will allow you to stay true and authentic to yourself. And to this relationship we’ve so lovingly nurtured and spent time together growing. The kind patience we have discovered with each other. Remember the dried apple? How long did it take?

It may be something not said much any more between grandparents and grandchildren, especially between the Nana’s & the grandson’s of this modern world. This is a different time. Loving you as honestly and passionately as I do I am concerned this open letter to you will cause some embarrassment at your tender age of manhood.  An age when you’ve not grown into your masculine skin completely yet; and not enough to know this letter is something that I need you to know now. Waiting to write this until your 18 may be too late in life and I’d be saddened to think you’d never know how much I needed you now. Then, now & always. So I write this now and in this way.

The tears are falling on my face as I write this my dear grandson. I’ll not get to hold your hand while we pray this year. I’ll not smell the hit of the cold fresh Autumn air in your hair when you sweep in the door. This is just as much a part of loving you as is hearing your newly husky voice cheering on the game with your mom and papa, while I pull the warm fresh rolls you love from the oven door. I’ll not be making fresh rolls this year for the table. I cannot. It’s a silly gesture I know. Maybe so a  love letter between grandmother and grandchild. This is how I express when I am unable to do so in real-time, or in person.  But I cannot and I will not apologize for who I am and how I do things. This is who I am..

I need you too much now.

I was not expecting this grandson. I was never expecting you to leave this closely knit friendship we created so soon. I know you never expected it either and as a 12-year-old young man this need of mine will never be shared with you until you’re old enough to know what it really means. To know, even though it’s a selfish act of a need of my own,  it’s one that is pure and honest. There is something really special about God bringing you to our lives, to this family, to this grandmother who loves you so much. That God would finally bring you, a young baby boy to my world and I can say with pride that my own grand baby boy is a gift by grand design. A design that shows me yet one more time that God knows what He is doing in our lives. How HE continually Blesses in ways we don’t expect.  I never expected to love you this much, never expected I’d need you so much in my life.

 Yet I was not prepared to have you gone so soon across the mountain pass. To be so far away and yet as close as only a phone call away Or a couple of hours road trip.. But I still miss you and when I put all my Thanksgiving eggs in the one basket and made them all about you being here this year I set myself up for great disappointment. It’s only because I miss you and need you now. I was not ready to experience this Holiday without you – thought when you’re were coming across the mountain pass all would feel right. If even it was just for the 4 day weekend, in our world with you here all would be as it should. I’d have you here to watch, listen and to learn from. The first year with you gone might have been easier to feel the changes happening with having time being spent as a family again, and time to adjust to you living across the mountain pass. I’m sorry I’m still not there yet.

Without sounding too whiney or pathetic; and without practicing a pity party for one, let me tell you that this letter and dedicated song below are just my way of expressing the pain and fear I am feeling with you gone from the world  I knew. The one with you a big part of it. Slowly and definitely your cousin Ms K left this side of the mountain pass too. The busier and more wild side of larger cities that you both find yourself in are worlds apart from the one here in this small hometown in the high desert that you knew. With exciting and new events happening daily in your life away from this small town I fear your need for this Nana will not linger as I’d always hoped it would. I wasn’t expecting this my grandson.  I just was not ready for you to move on across the mountain pass yet .~

I’m just not ready yet, I’m not ready for you to move on and no longer need me.  Not ready for me to no longer cross your mind.

I miss you terribly, I love you so.  And I need you now.  

 

 Lyrics and song  BY:  LADY ANTEBELLUM:  For you my favorite, and my only grandson: (Love songs are not just written and sung for boyfriend and girlfriends. Love songs can also all about the love between a grandmother and a grandson.

FOR YOU MASTER T~

Picture perfect memories Scattered all around the floor Reaching for the phone ’cause I can’t fight it anymore
And I wonder if I Ever cross your mind For me it happens all the time
It’s a quarter after one I’m all alone And I need you now Said I wouldn’t call But I’ve lost all control

And I need you now

 And I don’t know how I can do without I just need you now
Another shot of whiskey Can’t stop looking at the door Wishing you’d come sweeping In the way you did before
And I wonder if I Ever cross your mind For me it happens all the time
It’s a quarter after one I’m a little drunk And I need you now Said I wouldn’t call But I’ve lost all control

And I need you now

And I don’t know how I can do without I just need you now
Whoa, whoa Guess I’d rather hurt Than feel nothing at all
It’s a quarter after one I’m all alone And I need you now And I said I wouldn’t call But I’m a little drunk

And I need you now
And I don’t know how I can do without I just need you now I just need you now
Oh baby, I need you now

HAPPY THANKSGIVING MY T-BERT!

I LOVE YOU NOW ONLY MAYBE  MORE THAN YESTERDAY, AND WILL LOVE YOU MORE TOMORROW~

PS. of course you know that this is just a song and though the words mean so much not all is relevant to you & I. It is a love song and My Love I love you more than I ever thought possible. You are the one and only young man I’ll watch from day one until I can watch no longer. You are such a gift and joy to me. I hope one day you’ll understand why this song. I hope you’ll always remember too that despite this song singing about missing a loved one it also and is speaking of drinking whiskey and being drunk; know that I am grateful you’ll know that is not who I am. That you never saw me drunk.