Tag Archive | Emotion

You Can’t Direct The Wind But You Can Direct Your Sails

I have been spending quite a bit of my attention lately on focusing & reflecting on human relationships; This has brought me a realization that we as humans attract what our souls need during particular times in our lives, I know it’s not an original thought on my part, it just struck me recently that even those interactions that I see now as toxic still brought lessons I needed desperately to learn. I’ll not see this as regrets.

That someone you are with at any given time is bringing to your spirit just what it is you need to learn from that particular interaction,That someone will bring out in you those life lessons necessary to find your own truths and authenticity. 

Depending on the level
of intimacy (directing your own tailwinds) will dictate how vulnerable you will allow yourself to be with another .And frankly with yourself. But if we remember that everything we see in another is exactly what we are needing to see in ourselves it might allow us more emotional investment’s.
Mirroring those vulnerabilities with kindness toward not just others but just as importantly towards “Self” helps to get connected in ways that will feed our spirit. And in turn we help feed others.

If we can look upon our relationships with this in mind it can become a natural flow to then find a true kindness towards our self and towards others. Kindness that may very well be the remedy for so much in our own small world of worlds. It merely needs to start within and for ourselves.
Before we convince ourselves that there is nothing a given interaction can bring to our lives we might want to stop, reflect, & examine. Being mindful that which we see in another is just what we need to see in ourselves equates to Life Lessons.
No judgements.
No blame.
Just is.
Past and current relationships in my life have become life lessons intertwined with those interactions. During times when I couldn’t see the light at the end of ANY tunnel it has become my saving grace knowing that I am able to see the light shine with the much-needed warmth from someone else.
In someone else I find the lessons reflected in what I need to know to live more authentically.
 I didn’t always have the grace to direct my sails towards a rocky harbor.  
When presented with a behavior (rocky harbor) or a way of thinking by another that feels conflicted within my own scruples I balked. I judged. I certainly was not feeling abundant unconditional love & kindness.
Now with more emotional intelligence I know this is mirroring hat which I still must still learn. 
Learning to live with abundant love for others and for our selves is a kindness we are all worthy of finding, and though we may tend to think of being kind to our selves as something akin to being self-centered… it’s truly not.
Through the interactions with relationships in our life we can learn the fine arts of unconditional love, forgiveness, and the kindness of acceptance. Even the negatives we find in relationships can bring the positives if we see them as life lessons.
Trust me, I am not suggesting abusive behavior, intolerance, and judgement of others are that of which we should ever accept. I definitely do not advocate for staying in any relationship that is harmful to you physically, emotionally and/or spiritually. I do though know from personal experience that even in this type of relationship there was a great value in the lessons about myself I learned. I choose now to see it as such, rather than hold on to the resentment & anger that only starves my spirit.
Like the four key points o a compass these four key points will help direct your emotional sails
Unconditional Love.
Unconditional Forgiveness.
Unconditional Kindness.
Unconditional Acceptance.
There is an authentic grace knowing the great wisdom of practicing these four directions. Others will see the light in our faces when we are loving in these directions without any conditions,
If we can know this and trust this it helps release the light inside of any personal entanglement;;illuminating the shadows. It can take us to wonderful heights, the ups and downs of navigating any relationship. It just might become apparent that these ups and downs can bring us clarity & strength.
These ups and downs help us to remain grounded and balanced.
We might ask ourselves; what it is that our soul is longing to discover from each person who comes into our lives? It can bring into focus that it really is all about love being the mainstay that feeds what our souls need. To not be so leery or too cautious of what these interactions will bring us leaves our hearts and our minds open.
Embracing the shining lights we may see ins eyes of others, being open to what messages they hold allows our hearts be open, and we feel more approachable to the person we are connecting with. There is always wisdom for our spirits within each other  and the beauty of this is we need no special tools or training to receive and accept these. The things we see in another are maybe the most important things we can pay attention to. The kinds of things that touch our hearts if we just tap in. This very well can bring us that sense of being complete, and allows us to surround our lives with the presence of unconditional love with a genuine authenticity
My life lessons now includes this big paradox about the relationships in my life, that they in fact depend very much on the relationship I have with myself. These relationships that are so significant for me are mirrors of myself, they reflect not only how I am seen by others., but how I see myself.  And that’s pretty cool.
There is always a choice which path to take in our journey so that which our spirit is searching for our authentic self will lead us to.  As if by instincts, if we quiet ourselves, and open our heart every time we feel lost, If we listen, if we engage with others they can bring to our spirits love & life lessons that shape who we are..
If we share openly with those who we surround our small worlds we create deep spiritual connections.
Connections with the human spirit bringing us ever closer to living a life of authenticity, we will find that in knowing our self so intimately that we can become the master of our own destiny.

 

 

 

Signature 2013

 

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60,000 Choice Thoughts

We think up about 60,000 thoughts in a day. How vital it is that we make choices about our thinking.
Sound a bit too clinical for LBB? 
 
Maybe think About this: 
How important it is that we not think up 60,000 negative thoughts, or even 59,000. It is imperative that we not harbor cynical and negative thoughts. our brain has approximately 100 billion cells, and each is connected to about 20,000 other cells.  What this means is our thinking has the possibilities of billions, maybe trillions of various thoughts.
We have the freedom of choice
 Maybe we could begin anew if our thoughts of late have run into the fields of negativity.
My thoughts seem to revolve around my emotional intelligence lately, and sometimes the painful lessons my intelligence runs a foul with in that field of life.
With infinite combinations of brain cells to choose from why not try a whole new combination today?

While taking a self inventory you might find that what brought you to be the person you are today are the many painful, heart-crushing moments in our life that leave you winded. It might be a knee jerk reaction to run from those painful moments as fast as you can; thinking its the safest route.
Life just smacked you a good one and to stay in that moment and feel it.. is… well.. .painful.  Yes.
Life is painful, it is not that we are bad people having bad things happen to us.
It is that L.I.F.E. has to have pain in order to honor the joy.
Yes,  the yin & the yang. The negative and the positive.
Looking back on our thinking; without explanation, without apologizing, we can own the painful moments created along our journeys.
Painful moments exist. Life can hurt. But, remember we have been here before, we felt this before. We know we survived it. (though maybe it felt all to consuming at the moment)
There is that space in time again; The moment.  A friend shared that his bitter moments are balanced with his sweet, I love his thinking.
Without the bitter than can not possibly be the sweet. The positive needs the negative for their to be a true & concise connection.
There must be some truth to the adage “No Pan No Gain”.
Maybe it is how we evolve.
Life can hurt. A lot sometimes.
– The bitter.
Thankfully those painful moments come with built-in lessons.
 -The sweet.
For me quite often it is not until later that I realize there is a lesson, a sweetness garnered from the bitter moment.
Finally I see it.  Finally I feel it.
Feeling painful moments are good reminders for me to breathe deeply, and slowly; Inhaling the moment that came with its pain smack right in the middle of my living to bring & teach me some necessary growth.

Growth can come from places never even realized. Growth can come from places that we thought were not available to us, places we thought were dead & barren. Places of great disappointments.
Growth happens when we realize that it is not what happens in our lives that long stays with us, but it is t how we happen choose to respond to the happenings.
This is why it is called happiness.
Freedom to choose to see the sweet, balanced by the bitter.  (Thank you Groovy)
 I know for certain that I make the choice to hang on to hope, that what has ‘happened’ has happened for good reason.
Life it seems is much like a beautiful piece of embroidered cloth. The first half the embroidery is worked from the “wrong side’ of the fabric, stitching out the branches that will hold the blossoms, that bring the fruit.
The second half of life is the ‘right side’ of the fabric with its rich texture of all those pain-taken stitches.
Life’s lessons, even the painful ones, are much like how certain people are brought into our lives for a certain reasons.
I have a wooden plaque that sits in a prominent place in my home given to me my bestie in 2010 that I cherish to this day. It is also a reminder for me about the lessons that come into our lives.
It says:
” Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some people stay for awhile and leave footprints in our hearts, and we are never, ever the same.”    (thank you DCD) 
©tjtaylot2013

A Bittersweet Pill?

Recently my sensibilities towards life were hit with a big disappointment, a ‘broken heart’ if you will. 
Today I understand I once again put far too many of my eggs into just one basket for there ever to be a healthy outcome.
 It seems I sometimes get ahead of myself. Which is a complete bust when I am trying to be mindful of living in the moment.
In trying to analyze why I seem to set myself up I realized very quickly that was fruitless energy. To place blame on something or someone I have found over and over is an extreme wasted amount of emotional energy.
Instead I make the choice to move forward and find ways to change my way of thinking about not only this disappointment, but in how I let myself create expectations of things I have no control over.  That would be as my mother used to say, “most prudent.”
 
    So like a good daughter it seemed prudent then to begin studying disappointment. 
 From the basics:
Disappointment is the feeling of dissatisfaction that follows the failure of expectations or hopes to manifest. Similar to regret, it differs in that a person feeling regret focuses primarily on the personal choices that contributed to a poor outcome, while a person feeling disappointment focuses on the outcome itself. It is a source of physiological stress. The study of disappointment—its causes, impact, and the degree to which individual decisions are motivated by a desire to avoid it—is a focus in the field of decision analysis, as disappointment is one of two primary emotions involved in decision-making.
 
So now I am thinking I am on to something. 
Regret vs disappointment, yes. 

 Season changes, summer being mid swing and Fall soon around the corner should have me focusing my attentions on what positives have changed in my life, and what the these previous months have taught me. Looking for the things (regrets?) that helped manifest the poor outcome which brought about this sense of disappointment.  Like anyone else I have suffered setbacks, experienced rejections, and had my hopes and dreams dashed.

That’s life, yes?

Typically I have a capacity for bouncing back from difficult experiences, and often find I am inspired by them.
But this time my knee jerk reaction was to feel a simple lack of resilience to courageously soldier on. So I started to mentally beat myself up for it. To look at only the poor outcome and not look beyond it for something more.
 
One of things that helped create the disappointment is unrealistic expectations about who I can be, what I can have,  and what I can achieve. My goals I imposed upon myself were ones with great struggles attached. When I failed to be able to create the outcome or goal I was expecting and desiring I was quick to think there is something wrong with me. When maybe it could be that I just took on too much and put too much expectations also on things I have no say in. I made a particular choice, or set of choices, and just maybe it was not be the best time in my life for such choices.  
Now I am seeing that with my knee jerk reaction to when I didn’t get to where I thought I should be, I hit bottom in disappointment.

My disappointment may also be an extension of the trust I put in what I thought to know to be true. When the truth as I knew it failed to meet my high standards of proof I began feeling a disconnect in every cell of my body and began feeling somewhat hopeless.

But, here’s the cool part I realized, at least I think it is cool: This is my emotional intelligence at work; my disappointments can be additional spiritual practices. I can turn this around and learn through grace, diligence and creativity to change the way I way I move forward from a great disappointment and live out the choices I made.

So how?  How would I begin to do this was my next question.

Maybe….

• I ask myself what is it I am disappointed about?  I name my disappointments and then let them go, making a commitment to not keep replaying them over and over in my mind.  And I will also to forgive myself for being disappointed.  I will try to keep in mind that disappointment is a natural response to difficulty. The trick for me is to not let it govern my mindset.

• Counting my blessings and knowing in my heart that I have more than enough. Seeing my wealth not in outward possessions but in of the spiritual intangibles of love, faith, hope, and dreams. 

………and the really tough one I struggle with, despite being convicted in knowing this is an imperative mindset:

  •  To not allow my ideas about what should or could happen to determine my happiness or sadness 

I shall try to remain mindful that to stay in the present.

I am a perpetual student of life, and would be interested to know what you do when hit with disappointments.

How do you assimilate disappointments?


ttaylor2013©

On Mindfulness: This Moment In Time.


Through all these times 

I wondered about:

 the wounds of my soul,

all the mistakes, 

and all of the miracles.

~

Through the tears,

through the laughter,

along the side.

I obsessed.

I sighed.

~

And then

I begin 

to let go. 

~

Sighing,

 finally

letting go,

 always returning 

to the silence.

Over and over.

It heals my soul.

 

I am certain this is not news to anyone that trying to live a philosophy or concept you believe in 100% can still be trying. 

For instance just the day to day logistics can try to get in the way, and old habits are hard to break even when you want to. 

 

Some say Being Mindful of the Moment is just an expression, I disagree. “No surprise there” I hear someone saying. 

it’s true I believe mindful is a verb.

 

I often use to find myself feeling needy of knowing what tomorrow would bring. Today I know this is a feeling I do not have to react to, it is not my need to know what tomorrow will bring. 

Because in all honesty my future is not where I want to be. I want to be mindful of just this moment. I want to be fully present in the here and now.

But because often with that needing to know I could also make myself wicked crazy waiting for the answers.

 

I could. 

I did.

For some time. 

 

It has only been in the last decade of my life that the realization and wisdom come to me that fretting over what tomorrow or even hours from now will bring serves no rational purpose. Least of all it does not serves me.  

I’ve researched, studied, observed, absorbed, and experimented with ways to help myself remain mindful of Staying in the Moment. I needed some lessons, teachings, or maybe some magic tricks that would help me remember to be mindful.

It is too easy to fall back into old habits, old ways of thinking, even when we are trying to change our thinking to grow and enhance our life’s journey

 

Once I had some logistics in place, some ‘teachings’ I could grasp, that which allow now to be gently reminded to remain in this moment by practicing these lessons daily. 

 

First three teachings:

1. Practice Self-Love.  (Another verb.)

2. Practice Self-Compassion 

        &

3 Practice Self-Forgiveness

 

Practicing even one of these teachings helped me remain grounded, to retain a balance in my small world in the beginning. I say go slow..

It was quite remarkable how when I chose just one teaching that seemed like magic in that it helped decrease my level of predilection for wanting (read need) to know what the future is going to bring. 

 

How do we remain in the moment, to stay mindful of the here and the now? It’s the only space of time that matters. This time.. right no.w

In the spirit of this blog I’d like to share the teachings that work for me. My wish is that you are able to take something away, and please be welcome to leave something behind in your comment.

  • I wear or carry “totems” (an Native North American term) sometimes also referred to as prayer beads, worry stones, or even amulets. My affinity for doing so came from my youth. I found great comfort in a “smoothed by time” river rock in the shape of a flat heart.  I found beautiful comfort in holding its warm stone between my forefinger and thumb, or in the closed palm of my hand. I loved the connection with earth as a girl, I treasure it now as an adult woman.

  • *On Mediation: I prefer to mediate regularly; typically it is once every day for at least 15-20 minutes. I found it is that regular practice of meditation that really starts to shape my mind and the way it works. I have heard that this has been backed up by the latest brain studies. I find it easier to maintain focus, have that stillness of mind I am looking for. Being mindful is becoming my norm.

 

  • Journaling: This is probably not a surprise to those of you who know a bit about me. Keeping a daily journal of my goals and my accomplishments while articulating (what I like to think are wise thoughts) into my way of living can be remarkably effective. Absolutely it’s a habit that requires practice. A lot of practice. Journaling at night when I can’t sleep and reviewing in the morning helps keep these teachings alive throughout the day.

  • Reminder Notes: By placing inspirational/motivational notes, and self-affirmations around my small world (as done even on this post) these become helpful reminders for staying grounded and not getting distracted. This can be favorite quote, important concept, notes from loved ones,  or even a short narrative or a poem. A personal favorite are two prayers sent from a very good friend who is one of my spiritual mentors.

 

  • Mind-fullness Alarms:  I loved this teaching especially when I began my quest of mindfulness. Although I don’t do this as a norm anymore; setting alarms to go off at regular intervals throughout the day can be a very effective teaching to help kick-start good mindful habits. This is especially helpful when marathon writing by the way. Having that reminder alarm helps me to get out of my head for a time with regularity.  


It is also important I believe to note of what to be mindful of. Buddhists refer to this as the Right Thought and Right View. 

 Things that consume us during the day, like anger, fear, worry, or frustration, comes from unwise or misguided perspectives. Having a wider & more open mind to other perspectives than our own is a big help. I heard once about a very effective practice of referring to the issues of certain circumstances in our life as “third-world problems”. This is short-hand for a reminder that while dealing with issues we think are monumental, we might instead be mindful that there are people in our world who don’t have access to enough to eat.

It is all about perspectives.

And how we think.

 Can this kind of daily practice of mindfulness achieve a state of bliss In The Moment? 

For thousands of years, practitioners have reported greater happiness and tranquility when we are able to stay In The Moment’ 

 

 So….I think… I shall stay right here in this moment….this here and now – and absorb it for all its worth. 

And this moment in time? 

Priceless!

 

 

Signature 2013