Tag Archive | Chronic (medicine)

Finally~

Living Proud * Living Loud

{Inspired by the project for September’s Chronic Pain Awareness Month 2012}

 Finally.

I am a person of deep faith. My faith runs proud and it runs loud and brings to my life a constant sense of Hope and Dreams. Having hope allows the possibility of my dreams to sustains me. I have finally found a way to own that.

To Live It Proud,  To Live It Loud. (in my heart)

I believe in the spiritual power of Hopes and Dreams. I believe that keeping Hope alive is as essential to my life as is breathing. The times without hoping for dreams are as dark as they are bleak. Time’s of my past, I know My faith needs to include hope for dreams, and now shines lightness and brilliance.

I am not so naive or such an overly positive person that I do not know things, events, life can get in the way and dampen the lightness & sparkle. There was a time when I believed chronic illness had wiped all those dreams and my hopes away. It was like a light had been switched off suddenly, and life became smothered in darkness.

Without HOPE dreams are useless.

Yet dreams are persistent in some magical way. maybe they never  really do leave you alone. Instead, possibly when the light went out it only shadowed all my dreams, I believe in all possibilities.

With light being what light is, it spilled glancing glows despite myself, showing me that it is I that has been completely unaware, and had turned away; reminding my soul that it is up to me to see and to feel the castings of the small glimmers of hope. “They are there” a reminder from the universe. A reminder glimmering in the shadows.

Possibilities?  Dreams? Hope?

Was it possible that I was not seeing that dreams were still there in the shadowed light? Could it be all along that they have always been right there under my own nose? Just because I was not seeing? Or refusing to admit what I was seeing was real.  Hope & Dreams” as I thought they should be, meaning = I was not seeing them at all. The Should have’s, the could have’s, the what if’s  all got in the way, they have no place in Hope & Dreams,  that is where I became confused.

Listening to my soul is an option. There are no should haves or would haves, there are no what if’s or could be’s.. It just is. That is what my faith is. It’s all, or it’s nothing with soul talk, no more second guessing, the light shines brightly through and I see it.

My eyes are opened wide today. Soul talk is a powerful thing. It takes a leap of great faith to listen to the soul sometimes when it feels frightening. I’d quite rather be frightened with a deep faith in something more powerful than I than to be without. This spirit feeds me, why would  I ever question it?

Today I Live Proud.  I Live Loud.  I Live again with my Hope for Dreams.

 ©tjhelser2012

When I Grow Up I Want To Be Just Like….

I first published this piece on November 16th 2011.  This morning after reading a tender & most loving piece by our own Miss Jules. (Julie, jmgoyder at her blog: http://jmgoyder.com/2012/04/29/love-story-11/  I was very quickly reminded of this piece I wrote some time ago.Because I had just TWO  follower’s back then , I thought it might be fun for me to repost a piece of my own again. How does that work, Repost and again in the same sentence? Anyway…I hope you’ll enjoy meeting my Miss E, and my bestie here in my non-cyber world.
 When I Grow up I want to be just like…

 TRIBUTE FOR MISS E.

This is a tribute to a woman in my life who I want to be when I grow up.  She will never read this. But it makes no matter. No need. I think she knows how I feel anyway. Along with telling her that I want to be just like her when I grow up I also share with her just how much I love her, and why.

Miss E is in her mid 80’s and I had the blessing of meeting her when I joined one of the most unusual and incredible journey’s of my life. And I am so blessed to have her and my journey’s cross on the same path.

I became a RED HAT SOCIETY member in 2004 at the age of 50. Had I known at the time that there is a young group in this society of women also for ladies under 50, called Pink Hatters, I would not have waited. I had much to learn., including that there are few to no rules in the Red Hat Society. One of the aspects I adore.

Another thing I was very quick to learn was that for the most part these are the most unusually kind and compassionate women who become Red Hatters, My world was soon to take on a whole new color.

I have also met another woman who has over time, albeit we’ve been friend’s from day one, who has become my best friend. We are one another’s “besties” and have an amazing friendship. One that is based on so many likeness’s but also without being needy that I’ve watched happen in so many close friendships. We’re both married to our best friends forever and time with our families always come first.

And then I have met Miss E. This beautiful graceful gentle spirit of loveliness. Having lost my grandmother many years ago I am often attracted to older women who I believe hold the truths and wisdom’s that are meant to be shared with the younger ladies in their lives. Generations of women passing on to other generations of women.

When I first met Miss E I knew that I had met someone of great importance instantly. I knew right away with no questions that this woman would be a key influence in my life. Whether she knew it then was not important. What was important was for me to absorb and be influenced by everything about her. Just sitting next to her sharing a meal is a calming and healing experience. Spending any amount of time with Miss E is a gift. Ones that I cherish maybe more than I cherished even those with my own grandmother; only because I was so much younger, and so much more ignorant than to the facts of life that she could have shared with me. I see this now. Funny how much more open we become as we grow older to the idea that our elders just may have something to offer us,. If only we listen. Ask questions. Engage.

So I am soaking up as much Miss E as I can. I have a chronic illness that often has taken me away from my regular meetings with my Red Hat chapter. One of the many thing living with a chronic illness has shown me is that I am not often fun to be with, to talk to. To say that all of my family and close friend’s have been able to deal with me and my diseases’ over the last 27 years would be a silly untruth. It’s true you know, what they say about really finding out who yours friends are…

So today I get a phone call from Miss E. Actually I received a call from her last week but was asleep and was only able to try to return her call today. I missed her. I was quite bummed but not as shocked as I was that I was bummed. I did not realize just how much I was looking forward to speaking with her. I left what I’m sad to say may have sounded like a forlorn message. So not like me. Even if I am not feeling well. I don’t usually feel sorry for myself, finding pity parties for one complete bores. I walked away from the phone feeling a bit lonely What was this? I went about my day doing what little I was up to. To feel productive . Read a bit but soon my eyes were tearing up so I laid the book down. My thoughts went back to Miss E.

This woman has lost a husband, a child, two grandchildren and has lived more in her 80 plus years than anyone else I know. And yet she never looks at the negative, she’s a strong woman of gentle faith, and she is someone I’d like to grow up to be like. To this day she stays incredibly busy which is why I did not find her at home. She was giving blood. Miss E does not have a cell phone, would not have a cell phone and this is just one of the vast many things I love about her. She also makes no apologies for it and why should she? She has taught me that I have little need to be tied to my land line phone and I don’t have a cell any longer either. Miss E knows there is nothing that important that an answering machine cannot pick up. There is life to live. And if you are so tied to a device that you feel you HAVE to carry, and always HAVE to answer, are you living it to the fullest?

As I was recalling her telling me one day how much a card I had sent her meant to her. I was stunned. This is a woman who on her last birthday received either more birthday cards than she is young. And here she was making a fuss over a card I’d sent her? She did not just say to me, “gee it was nice of you.” Nope! Miss E took the time to tell me that the things I’d wrote in the card had meant so much to her, and why. That she really liked the hand crafted card and she’d pull out elements to talk about, to tell what she liked about them.

I think there is a lesson there. No, I know there is a lesson there,…..and as I was doing my homework my land line rang. I answered it. It was Miss E.

We talked, we laughed, we cried, we shared. We both have adult daughter’s who have moved back home. She has so much to teach me, so much wisdom, so many lessons.

I want to be just like Miss E. when I grow up.

Full Circled Baroness

Excerpt From……….

 Circling Fully

 Barefoot Baroness

Finding out that you are sitting through life on a brick wall that you’re going to tumble off anytime is dis-heartening in a lot of ways. Some people may even find it earth shattering, especially if they happened to be an athlete. I’m blessed in that I am not an athlete and the diagnosis of the condition of the mechanics of my body being in such poor shape has actually been validating. For the first time in two years someone is not just listening to me but is being proactive………

To read more please go to this post’s home. at:

http://fullcircledme.wordpress.com/