Stuck on being Stuck?
I am even unable to find the right key with my fingers, each finger feels like two, I am unable to even find words. Me! And now I cannot even find a title for this piece that I am also not even sure I can execute.
Something should be forth coming from this brain of mine to my fingers, whether they are typing or using my favorite pen. I should be able to come up with what it is I want to write about, or what I want to say in my ongoing project. But it’s not happening and I have no clue why. Most of the times this has happened it’s been explained away by myself, to myself. This time I am stumped. And I am stuck. I am so stuck I cannot even find inspiration to create a title for this.
I need to be able to write. I know getting stressed about not being able to find words is not helping. And that just letting it go is what I should be doing. Like walking away from the project that is not going well. Getting a clearer perspective. And it feels like on many cross roads that there is a force working against me. I cannot even keep my font on the same style or color to save my life. I’m sure it is because my laptop and WP have not been shut down for the last 36 hours. Tired laptop or WP, which I am not sure.Tired operator maybe? I don’t know.
But I keep telling myself that being tired is not going to be my excuse. It can’t. If that is the case than being tired is going to get in my way too often. I cannot afford to let getting tired matter. I have too much I am interested in doing. It’s not even about having TOO MUCH TO DO, it really isn’t. The idea that I am passionate about so many things and not being able to do them because I am tired does not thrill me. Though it may be a reality of mine it does not have to be one I settle for. I have the freedom and choice to make my reality change alter my reality from what it tends to want to be.
My choice to use the time that I am given by God, and by medicine to use for the people and the things that I am deliriously passionate about is what I cannot afford TIRED for. NOT finding TIME; or in my case most often not finding “The Spoons” necessary to succeed this leaves me feeling deeply saddened. By that which I am not able visit my passions wears on me. I’m wondering if that is what is bothering me, why I am finding myself at this block. I need to express myself in some way almost daily. Either through my mind with words, or through my hands in creating something that can be touched. I need these outlets like I need water and sunlight. I am not meaning to be dramatic, just needing to find a path back to where ever my creative wings were dropped.
Finding myself without words is unsettling. I know, you find it unsettling too that you are finding me say that I am wordless. People that know me are going to be laughing at the mere suggestion of this. I am really good about filling pages with idle chatter and maybe there will be a good topic and some common sense in amongst what I chatted about. This being at a loss for words is not the norm for me. But I could move past that.
While not finding the words was leaving me feel a bit unsettled as I said I thought that since, especially since, my cool husband had shined on the fact that I had art supplies all around my LazyBoy that it would be appropriate to try working on a greeting card. I had elements I’d made sitting aside for one that I had left unfinished before my cervical procedure. So I thought a piece of cake right? Despite orders from medical headquarters, to not us my arms away from my body for the 6 weeks of healing post the cervical procedure. It’s hard to be creative with your hands while holding your arms next to your body. Holding your arms next to your body is not hard, it’s the natural pose you want to strike while guarding that which hurts. But that which had been hurting wasn’t hurting as much so my thinking was Cool! I can work at my table for a bit.
Making a card is what I wanted to do. I did it. It turned out fine. I did not turn out fine so much the next day. I woke up unable to move not just my left arm and shoulder, but my right shoulder opted to join in the revolt. They were ticked off at me!
I had a great time making the card. It’s one of my passions. It feeds me in ways nothing else can. Much like writing does. I have been stuck for words it feels like for much too long. I am hoping the card making session will unleash creative flow for my writing passion as well.
Ironically I am finding that several people I know are dealing with a very similar problem. Their creative wings have been clipped as mine seemed to have been. But then that is the most wonderful thing about your wings just clipped. They grow back nice and strong with your flight wings firmly intact and stronger than evet before.
Also writing about losing that feeling is Chris Donner. Her fabilous blog is quite a read, I invite you t read Chris’s post called “Strong Writing Mojo” at Chris’s blog Chris Donner Mystery Writer which can found at this link: http://chrisdonnermysterywriter.wordpress.com/2012/06/17/strong-writing-mojo/#comment-973
I’m just waiting for t~hose creative wings to grow back so that my creativity may once again soar.