Family members hurt us. Friends betray us. And life keeps us moving forward with the pain in our hearts and scars on our souls.
And we are also the other part of that same dichotomy for others in our own lives.
Most people don’t set out to cause hurt and pain to others, and maybe this is why we embrace forgiveness for ourselves and other in these situations. Maybe so we can heal the wounds, and maybe leave a less noticeable scar on our hearts.
Treading on other people’s joy and expectations by making an unpopular and frightening choices is something I found difficult to do, and because so, well… it fed into my fear of making the drastic life changes I needed.
So I could gain back some serenity in my spirit I leapt off a cliff with no idea what my landing would be like.
Today I am grateful that I embraced the fear anyway.
That fear…it had been screaming at my own spirit that something was terribly wrong in my life….for some time.
Part of the fear was about having to admit I had been living a life that was not what it seemed to be to those close to me….
…. admitting that what seemed to be…really just wasn’t the truth… was difficult & frightening.
That fear though was maybe in the end more of a motivator than I realized.
I have tried to spend my life as authentic and as genuine as I can; and here I was living a bold face lie in my personal life.
I found that I was using my fear as an excuse to not change that about myself that was not genuine, and causing chaos for my spirit., and my day-to-day life.
Pretending to be happy when the truth is that the very air space I was in had become intolerable and a far cry from living any kind of serenity. The hypocrisy and chaos alone that it created was in the end what I just couldn’t reconcile with.
Thankful today I am for that fear, for it is what told me something serious was going on that I no longer could ignore.
Grateful for that fear helped me redefine my life, my life, ……and where I wanted to take it.
Humbled that the fear itself was not my hindrance, but instead it was my liberation.