It’s Really No Secret-


It’s been a strange Spring.

It’s become one of my busiest Spring’s I’ve had in some years. This isn’t a bad thing,  Embracing all life’s adventures that are appearing along my journey I have days when I “hit the rack” almost asleep before I get there. Though some days  I am reminded that I live with chronic illness being part of my life, most often I’m able to function pretty well in my self-accommodating ways without much interference. I say most often. Tuesday April Fools Day was not to be one of those days.

I’m writing this because what old symptoms masked could have been dangerous; and to share my experience of learning how foolish it is to self-diagnosis. No matter how well you know your own body.

The day started in my normal laid back routine. After washing my face & teeth, a brush through my hair I begin the day with music, coffee and toast. in that order. But that morning I wasn’t really hungry. I sat down at the computer to do some work for the artist’s I work for, needed to begin some new research for radio promo copy, and to transpose a live radio interview into a written narrative interview. I had plenty to do.  I’d been out-of-town the Thursday before through Saturday and just the road trip and sleeping in a different bed had incited muscles spasms that are a chronic problem,  just enough to pay attention. Nothing a good stretch would not rectify.

I soon could tell that the muscle spasms (thoracic back muscles) were beyond tense, spasms full-on that make me nauseated. The vicious cycle this starts has also become routine. I couldn’t keep the medicine down that would help my muscle spasms because the spasms themselves were making me nauseated.

I paid attention,  tried the usual treatment modalities that typically work, and tried waiting for the spasms to relax. To no avail.

By noon I was in full spasms.

Full thoracic spasms for me trigger nausea. Not always, but this was not to be one of the times not.  Typically once I can get the spasms to calm down and relax with medication I improve within a few hours. I assumed this was the same thing going on.

Only it wasn’t.

I had misdiagnosed myself.

My daughter had already arrived in response to my call to come help me put a Lidocaine transdermal patch on my back for me.  One of the tools in my arsenal of treatment modalities. I thought at one point that I was improving. But when the spasms intensified and started coming around to my chest muscles I got scared. I asked my daughter to phone the paramedics. I wasn’t sure what was happening , but I was getting freaked.  Literally,

By the time the paramedics arrived I was hyperventilating, as well as in severe pain and very ill.  These fine professionals (is it a prerequisite that all  fire-fighter/paramedic be good-looking?) were thorough, yet fast. They were able to assure me I was not having any type of cardiac event.. but  I was in obvious distress and was advised to go the emergency room.

I did.  I’m lucky I did.

I was diagnosed (first) with Pancreatitis.

When I say I was lucky that the doctor who treated me in the emergency room is a good detective this is no exaggeration. I was given by IV pain medication, muscle relaxer, anti-nausea medications and fluids for hydration. Once the meds and relief from the pain hit I apparently passed out.
Upon waking despite my reassurance to the ER doctor that “I felt fine now” and my assurance that my self-diagnosis was what I was dealing with I asked to go home. Unbeknownst to me this fine doctor had done some detective work with my blood  tests and after receiving my lab reports explained his detection of pancreatitis. He explained to my daughter and myself that this is a potentially dangerous condition and he was admitting me straight away. No if’ , an, or buts.  Do not pass go.
I tried to convince the doctor that I would promise to come back at the end of the week, that would fit in better with my schedule and the obligations I had. This was not to be. And trust me, he was not amused or impressed.
 I was admitted immediately, had an ultra-sound imaging of my pancreas, gallbladder, and liver. Finally a kind orderly transported my heavily medicated self up to my room. Angels watching over me yet once again because the room was private with an amazing view of my mountains..
mountain view from st charles_04_02.2014
Along with the diagnosis the night before the morning light brought this magnificent and majestic view looking west outside my 4th floor private room as well as another diagnosis of gallstones.  St Charles Medical Center is a Hilton of hospital’s including room service menu to order, and not your typical hospital food. I was a little disappointed that I was not able to order as I wanted off their menu, I went from ‘nothing by mouth’ to clear liquids, to bland-low-fat all in 3 days. Which is to be my diet for the next few weeks. The treatment for pancreatitis is to treat the pain and nausea, and to rest the digests system until the pancreas is no longer inflamed.
I was able to come home by that Thursday afternoon. I will have to have the gallbladder removed the first part of May.
I wanted to write about this because had another random ER doctor seen me the chances of finding the source of my distress might not have been so forthcoming. The symptoms I presented with were atypical, and the typical symptoms for pancreatitis were absent. The quick diagnosis was really a life saver. We can live without a gallbladder, but not so much without a pancreas.
My new found respect for emergency room doctors and the validation of the fine medial staff on the high desert has become a great source of the gratitude I’m feeling today.
I also wanted to write about the life lesson I found,  and an irony ( for lack of better word) in how the universe grabbed my attention. When I was hit with this news the first thing that went through my mind was “I don’t have time for this” I wanted, as I said, to just go home and get n with my life. There is a lesson I am trying to absorb. To slow down and appreciate the projects and work in my life. I went into this reinvention of my professional life out of passion, I need to make certain that passion has room in between all the minutia of work.
The timing of all this kind of blows me away. Funny how life lessons work in this way. I wasn’t home from the hospital 3 days when a message from an award-winning recording artist asking me to phone him with his phone number included. He graced my Sunday with a fantastic chat, his music (even a personal concert via the phone) and yet more networking for both of us. I look forward to working with him here in Oregon.
Add to that another business proposition concerning a record label in the works that I have been approached with I can hardly breath. From excitement and passion.
This is why I’m here  writing about not losing grasp of that fact.
I’m blown away n many ways how this is all transpiring. I know it’s happening because it is meant to, I also know it is happening because it’s where my dream chasing the last 2 years have led me. Thinking, wishing, praying, and being proactive towards working for those things that matter really does add a positive energy that can have a fabulous outcome. By keeping the faith and not allowing the negatives into that energy we create with our thoughts and actions,  this become goals accomplished. This becomes dreams chased down.
While a frightening and painful experience this has been and I’m still not through it all I’m still choosing to see all the positives. Ever heard getting ahead of your own good?  Or getting too big for your pants?” ( a favorite expression of my mom’s)
I find this “whoa-it down” an emotional intelligence lesson as well as physical.
I need to remember to not forget to stop and smell the roses all along the way.
Wings soaring- Wings descending.
Deep and slow breath in…. exhale slowly.
Repeat as needed.
brick fields and the chosen ones

Music by Brick Fields. (self-serving on my part here because Brick Fields is part of making my own dream happen by hiring me as their artist manager.)

Thank you Rachel & Larry. Love you Brick Fields!!



Support Independent Music and you are supporting me too. Thank you!





copyright  ttaylor2014


12 thoughts on “It’s Really No Secret-

  1. My Dear Lady, It has been too long, and inappropriate for me not to go beyond looking for you beyond the first click but, it dawned on me. Duh! Try recent random click, and there you are.

    As you always do, you grab on to life, and embrace it knowing, it is all part of your journey. You make it a happy rime, and an inspiration to others to enjoy life because, it isn’t necessarily just as you see it now but, where this all takes you for the future.

    In hopes you are well, and continuing to heal……

    As always,
    Cordially, I remain

    • My dearest Groovy,
      It has indeed been fat too long since we connected, I take ownership for not reaching out to you my brother. So much happening,, may I share with you that through that this fantastic voyage I have seem to be on that I think often of the things we have shared about living each moment authentically. The circumstances around this very post is a perfect example. I realized I I was forgetting to just live for the very moment. So grateful I am.

      Grabbing on, yes, being an active participant of this communality of absolutely what sparks my day. With positive energy my soul is filled with love and serenity, and my wish is to share that with others.
      It’s a choice most of us can consciously make, we know our thought guide us, so why not be guided into bliss instead of misery?

      Your comments always make me smile ~
      Peace & love my brother ~ me 😉

      listening to On A Threshold of a Dream right now. 😉

  2. Wow. Thank goodness he diagnosed the pancreatitis right away. That is nasty stuff. And gallstones? Why are they waiting until May? I am really impressed that you are finding positive lessons in all of this. My bliss sister, please be careful between now and surgery. It sounds to me like your overall state is good. That makes me happy. Good wishes coming to you from across the country. Much love.

    • I hear that is true Jude about pancreatitis, I had no experience before with even anyone I knew. I’m feeling especially blessed to be certain that it was caught. I cannot imagine feeling that way for longer than I did.
      I am doing well, almost two weeks later now. Thank you my Bliss Sis for your thoughts and love, right back atcha. I hope you’re well.

  3. Oh my lil sis, you gave my heart a really big scare. I am beyond sorry that you had to suffer so much; I’m not liking that. Still, Praise God that you are okay now. Aaand…

    Look at the good that came from the bad. Working wih award-winning recording artist! Artist Manager for Brick Fields!

    Don’t forget to breathe…

    I love you. blessings ~ big sis, maxi

    • My Dearest Big Sis, I am so happy that my outcome was so positive, but I do apologize for frightening you. I am really so blessed by so many people like you whose prayers are so powerful.
      I agree the good is pretty awesome, I am humbled beyond and just need to be mindful to enjoy the process too. I think I was getting ahead of myself so this was a powerful message I’m listening too.
      Thank you my beautiful Maxi ~

  4. You turned a very scary moment into a beautiful story and lesson. Sometimes, it is the weird which grabs our attention best. Perhaps if your symptoms had been typical it might have been overlooked. Maybe the doctor would have trusted your self-diagnosis and sent you on your way. Regardless the reason, I am grateful he listened. I hope you’ll be all the way on the mend soon.

    • My dear Echo, thank you so much for this comment, for being there during that ‘weird week’ and always. You are such an inspiration as well as comfort to me.
      I think you’re absolutely spot on, it all happened just as it was meant to, and for good reasons. I love that when it happens. How else can we look at those kinds of events?

You are most welcome to share your thoughts, comments, and/or complaints here. Know though complaints are only handled on the 2nd Tuesday of the week.~ The Management

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