Moved To Tears~ My Beautiful Child

My child, my daughter ~   she moves me to tears lately in the most wonderful of ways 

Though I have always been determined about keeping my family for the most part out of what I share here at LBB I have on rare occasion left that decision by the curb side.  No real reason not to share, it is just my feeling that it is their lives, theirs to share, not mine.
I am side stepping this self-mandated protocol for a very good reason, in my mind anyway. 
I have something to say publicly. 
I want my youngest daughter to know how proud I am of her. Openly for the world to know. 
The back ground that is pertinent is my child is a survivor of emergency brain surgery that saved her life in 2010.  

Please allow me to introduce you to my hero, my beautiful child.

 Janis Cara 
Today 2013

Before I continue with my prideful boast  post let me address that although what I am going to share is not often common knowledge, nor mine to share, my daughter has given me her blessings and support.
I am writing about her because I have watched this young woman fight to save her life, and to work towards a complete recovery after complications from a subdural hematoma of her left front lobe in the spring of 2010.

A subdural hematoma (American spelling) or subdural haematoma, also known as a subdural hemorrhage (SDH), is a type of hematoma. A haemotoma is blood pooling from an injury under the skin or in my daughter’s case in her brain.
My beautiful child who survived emergency brain surgery also then developed a substance abuse disease. 
I mention this brief background so that my emotions which I am not holding in check at this moment make some sense. I know it was symptomatic of her brain injury. I want her to know that she has great reasons to hold her head high. and to feel some pride too.
For 5 days post surgery my daughter lay in an induced coma so that her traumatized brain would have a chance to heal.
For 5 days and 4 nights we did not know if she would live, and if she lived would she suffer any permanent brain damage? 
We didn’t know. I prayed on my knees in the hospital chapel, in her room, in my car, anywhere. Our community prayed. She was put on the World Wide Prayer chain by my best’ friend,
On Easter Sunday 2010 my child started rousing from her protected state of chemical sleep… to awaken. 
Or more perfectly said, to rise to the occasion. Her resilience shining brightly as ever.
A good friend said; ” She is an Easter miracle”
She has always been a survivor. 
To say we were ecstatic to see her open her eyes slowly, look around the room at her family, to simply ask where she was is a gross understatement. Immediately she was ready to go home and resume her life. This should have been an indication that she was not connecting properly.
But, we saw it as no impairment initially, albeit the neurosurgeon educated us a bit that because of the location of her brain injury she would have some difficultly with decision-making, being impulsive and compulsive.
I didn’t see it right away, engrossed in the fact that she was alive.
The last three plus years have been a bittersweet roller-coaster ride in her life. While in the process of her recovery from the brain injury she lost sight of who she is.. During the course of those 3 years she developed a substance abuse disease.
I thought I had lost her for good.
Today my daughter is clean & sober. Graciously accepting that she has a disease of addiction. She will always have the disease, but she works a very stringent recovery program and depends on her faith to get her through some tough times.
I mention the addiction because with substance abuse comes secrets.
With recovery comes honesty, there is no more need for secrets.
My child deserves to be recognized by me, her mom.
As my beautiful child is learning about genuine humility and serenity, this is what I want to focus on, not where she came from, but where she is going. ‘
This is about how proud I am of her.
This is her tribute. 
Janis ~ 2010
Fe My Sweet Beautiful Child Of Mine, Jani ~ 
Serenity in life is a battle scar, wear it loud, and wear it proud my daughter!’
Beautiful Child
You make me laugh you make me sing
You make me want to give you everything
In life that I never had
You say the sky is all vanilla
And you swear there’s a gorilla
Living in the bubbles of your bath
But now that you’re here what mattered has shattered
I’m shattered for good
Just remember my beautiful child
We’re just here for a little while
So live like your dying and laugh till you cry
And love yourself like I do my beautiful child
You say there are monkeys in the trees
You want to feed them some of your frozen peas
‘Cause monkeys get hungry too
Can’t wait to see when you turn three
The infinite possibilities popping
Like popcorn inside of you
But nothing before or after could ever
Bring laughter like yours
Just remember my beautiful child we’re just here for a little while So live like your dying and laugh till you cry
And love yourself like I do my beautiful
You will crash you will burn
When you do you will learn
Just like me in my youth
Search the trash for the truth
When the streets make you think
There’s no God down this deep
If it won’t cure you
It will surely make you smile
Just remember my beautiful child
We’re just here for a little while
So laugh like you’re crazy and dance in the aisle
And love yourself like I do my beautiful
Just remember my beautiful child
We’re only here for a little while
So live like you’re dying and cry till you smile
And love yourself like I do
Forgive yourself if you have to
Choose yourself cause I do
Never loose yourself cause I love you my beautiful child
“Beautiful Child” by Beth Hart

If you, or someone you know has an addiction to a substance please know you/they can come back from it.

Please seek professional and peer support. You can start now, right here>



37 thoughts on “Moved To Tears~ My Beautiful Child

  1. So should you, My Dear Baroness, be recognized for the beautiful mother you are to your child.

    I have every reason to believe this child is just as proud of her mother as her mother is of her.

    As Always,
    I Remain

  2. My dear friend. Today I wept for you and your precious daughter. My heart is filled for joy that your beautiful child has survived and mostly that you as a family came out of this stronger in every which way. Thank you for sharing. I saute you and your precious daughter and your family!! Much love and respect.

    • Dearest Tersia that you and I are now also bonded by stories of our daughter’s that we tell, is only an extension of the bond I have felt for you from the very first post we shared.
      Thank you so very much for the love you give. My thoughts and prayers are with you and yours daily.
      Love & gentle hugs my friend ~

  3. Hey there Big Sis….my heart is so filled with happiness for you upon reading that your beautiful Jani is on the road to recovery and through a tearfully joyous vision I write this. No doubt your love and support are and always will be a big help for her……especially if she falters, which of course we all hope and pray never happens but possibly will happen because of the after effects of the brain incident. Just remember if it does happen that she didn’t do it because she doesn’t love you enough. I’m sure she loves you immensely…and your understanding that she has a disease and your kindness in accepting her as she is will help beyond measure. I love you TJ and through Gods grace ALL is possible… with that I will keep your sweet daughter in my prayers~

    • Hello my beautiful twin, (No, we are not identical sadly, she’s more beautiful)
      Thank you sweetie so much for being here for this post, that your comment is here too is as it should be. Without your support, your tolerance for both epic novel length emails, and then silence I would have maybe lost my mind at times.
      That you are my confidante is only part of it as know you know. But that part was the most important at the time. You were always there to offer support, and always there to just be a soft cushion when I couldn’t even speak.

      I love you my Kentucky woman, you are and always will be the dot at the end of my exclamation point.
      So look out Thelma & Louise!!

      PS. Saw a drum circle this week, thought of you and the Rickster.

  4. A truly beautiful daughter and beautiful mother, I see two wonderful people that would conquer all that may be thrown at them. This a truly and honourable post to recognise the troubles and traumas experienced by both of you. I hope this journey continues on through the beauty and light of mother daughter…beautifully written, and shows true love and proudness. My lady, absolutely blown away. 🙂

    • Welcome back!! 😉
      Good to see your words that are always so significant to me, & hold so much meaning Old friend. I know you know that my being able to write this because things got better has been what I prayed for. It s good to be back in that light as you say of mother-daughter.
      Support comes in so many forms and yours has been priceless.
      Thank you for being there my kind Sir.

    • You My dear friend Les I want to thank for this. I will take your wish for my child and I to always turn to another in honesty and strength and think of you always now.
      Thank you seems so little when your words mean so much, but because I am unable to express my gratitude like I need please consider yourself hugged.

  5. Thank you for sharing this BB, Your family has been through a really difficult few years and it must have been heartbreaking watching your precious daughter fight her way back after the surgery only to become a victim of substance addiction. So glad this story has a happy ending. Blessings

    • Dear optie..sniffle. sniffle.. seem to be really emotional reading words of caring support from you. Because of all that you & I shared that you are writing these words to me touches my heart is such a way I am tearful.

      You know the pain, you remember the days past by and only could you look at a child hooked up to wires & machines wondering what life has in store for her next.
      That I am able to be writing this is a testament to the will of our human spirit; our daughters, mine & yours. It has been a long road for both us as mom’s in many ways.
      Thank you my dear dear friend. ~

    • Thank you so much Jules. Your comment here means so much, I know you that your strength as a mom was tested too there for some time. I recall when i first met you Ming had just had his surgery, I know you know that fright for our child.

  6. What a vulnerable, naked post, BB. Your love for your daughter, that horrible time praying on your knees, her revival only to spiral into self-abuse of addiction… I come from a family of alcoholics and users, and while I’m grateful I didn’t get the actual addiction, I sure as hell played in the addicts’ sandbox when I was younger.

    It’s because of parents like you that kids make it through addiction to recovery, and, like my mental disorders, it IS a DISEASE. Just because you don’t need a donor kidney or have a pacemaker doesn’t mean there isn’t something physically, chemically wrong. Fighting that stigma is a large part of blogging for me.

    That song is so beautiful, I cried. That was after I cried reading your beautiful post. You are so right in not “going there” in general, so your family members can live their lives, but I’m so glad she gave you her blessing. There are a lot of blessings floating around and through your family, like angels, you know? I’m so glad I’m getting to know you. Amy

    • Wow Amy you make me cry. Thank you kind soul I am happy we met and are sharing in each others lies.
      I think that this community is special, priceless actually There is such diverseness that it tells em there is hope yet for our society to live together in peace To get there though we still have a lot work ahead of us and you my friend are a big help i stamping out the biases that exist out of ignorance
      I like what you are doing on your blog, helping to get rid of old stigmas, false truths about diseases of the brain.

      My family is blessed beyond and my daughter is every day doing what she needs to not become spiritually bankrupt. She through hard work came to a serene place in her recovery and it is a wonder for this mom to behold.

      Thank you so very much Amy for your deeply personal share here,. I am really touched as well as I am grateful.

  7. Sounds like your daughter has the best kind of a cure for her ills.

    A mother who will NEVER quit!!! 🙂

    Glad she made it through surgery and has recovered so well! 🙂

    Love and squishy hugs!


You are most welcome to share your thoughts, comments, and/or complaints here. Know though complaints are only handled on the 2nd Tuesday of the week.~ The Management

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s