Self-Efficacy refers to our self-image, stability of mood, and level of motivation.
Hopefully we have good levels of self-esteem, sense of self, and a sense of accomplishment.
If so it seems we might be acutely aware of our feelings, where they come from –
But are we accepting – of both our strengths, and weaknesses?
Likewise, we might likely feel that people who are important in our life understand us.
But people who are on our radar tend to be comfortable not giving in to peer, family, and other social pressures any more than we are. It’s human nature.
Family & close friends opinions are indeed important, but their expectations do not need to strongly influence our life. Instead our close family & friends tend to have their own well-defined ambitions and goals. The two shall not meet. We might even be very influential and persuasive with others. In fact, our family, friends and acquaintances may often come to us for ideas of guidance across a range of issues.
So, can we be real & honest with ourselves and them? Not say what they want, what we want to hear, but instead say what the genuine truth is?
I find myself wanting that deep emotional connection with those in my life more and more. An important aspect of loving anyone that should not be ignored. Being authentic can open that door.
Our self is the only thing we can change in any relationship, any situation. If it’s not working for you change ‘something’ within yourself.
The inner workings of relationships are not as natural to navigate as we expect them to be. It takes some effort to have genuine & authentic relationships with that soul to soul emotional connection of those who matter the most.
I have found some questions I needed to answer for myself in this quest as well as some thoughts and tips that seem to help me with keeping that feeling of dissonance further at bay.
Firstly, ask these three things and answer with brutal honesty.
I suggest a pen & paper and turn off all electronics, even music (I know) Phones most definitely.
Now spend some time with yourself. (make sure you will not be interrupted if at all possible)
“Do your positive qualities outweigh your faults? Why or why not?”
“Do you ever feel guilty when you do not meet the expectations of your family or friends? Explain.
“Are you the type of person who likes to stand out in a crowd or go totally unnoticed?” Why do you suppose this is? (just so you know, there are no right or wrong answers)
Secondly, there are things I know that let me live more authentically if I practice them on a daily basis. And I mean practice as in rehearse, make mistakes, and get back up again, and start all over. And do it again tomorrow…
#1 Don’t lie. We just have to give it up, even those little seemingly innocent white lies. Ask yourself what the lie is feeding?
#2. Know that we must not say everything out loud (this is a personal hurdle) We tend to get into a mind-set that all our thoughts are important and worthy of being shared. Not true. Learn to quiet your voice, not squelch it.
#3 You can change your mind. It’s allowed. Being rigid will not serve an authentic life.
#4 Avoid being en-guard.
#5 Have core plasticity.
#6 Be flexible, bend a bit, but don’t break.
#7 See family & friends attempts towards emotionally connecting as the good they are, even if not 200% successful.
#8 Have Team Spirit (whoever your team may be. Family, friends, lover, community…)
#9 Focus only on the good. Catch those who matter to you most doing the things that feed your spirit. Ignore those things that might not.
#10 Assert yourself.
Find a new voice.
One with an Emotional Reaction Redirection, An E.R.R.
We do this by changing how we say things to others. And to ourselves.
Sometimes let us try to numb down our response.
Let us try to be comfortable knowing not everything needs our reaction and response.
Be Comfortably Numbed Down. C.N.D.
Start there. .