Finding time to be reflective, meditative and prayerful have been mine recently. I don’t have to make time to squeeze it in between chaos, because for the first time in my life there is none. It may sound dramatic, it is not meant to be anything more than it is. My home is quiet and peaceful and that I benefit from in ways I’d not realized I would. Today is a gift and I will have These Days.
This today, which held all the promises of a rising sun first thing at the break of dawn has been with me since Sometimes that for which we hold out hope for seem unreachable like the stars seem to be in the skies above. Though I admit vacillating between being positive & less so at times, that all I hope & dream for will be my reality in given time; it is this very fact “given time” that gets in my way, that I wrestle with.
Time. A very weird measure when speaking in terms of the human heart and emotion. The correlation does not fit well and might have been my first clue that I was looking at the wrong units of measure for time. I have this thought; that maybe using stars in lieu of a clock, and rainbows instead of the calendar is a better means of measuring time in respect to my Hope, and Dreams.
I am not a shy person with my emotions. I’ll agree I tend to wear my feelings on my sleeves, and so I am told. Though I have never liked the thought of myself like this I have heard this expression in terms of myself ever since I can remember, From my parents, grandparents, and even from my two brothers. Not sure I can accept their view of me, but it is unimportant as an adult.
This I do know: that what I feel I own. And no doubt that ownership motivates me to be expressive.
Time and my hopes & dreams sometimes become conflicted which makes it difficult to stay in that place of peaceful easy feelings of the moment, and to remain mindful of just the here and now of all I need to feel and see.
Just for This Time. Just for This now. Just for These Days.
Because when what I have hope for yesterday, and today, is not here when I have been looking for it for so long this begins to weigh on me. This is when I am likely to allow the clock and calendar to become my nemesis instead of making memories of These Days. I have to ask myself then: “Am I not losing out on living these memories that are being created while waiting for the whole of my hopes and dreams to arrive? ”
And yet at the same time I know I must let go of the concern about time. I know I need to let myself live in the moment, and enjoy the time of making new history and new memories. To enjoy what is here in the Right Now. Most days I am just fine, accepting the Here and Now is enough. In fact, most days I am able to find it fairly easy and I am comfortable, as it is in accordance with my nature. And though I am tempted to NOT say “But” to this, my truthful admission still is a “BUT”: But I want what I don’t yet have. This is never going to change and frankly I don’t want it to. I do though want to be able to manage the how and when I spend my time being consumed by this want.
In my secret heart of hearts I admit it. I have These Days.
When I am distracted by a battle with the clock or the calendar I am missing the point of my life and all the hopes and dreams I have t reached already. and I am living out. Though the “whole package” may not be complete there is enough of it to live contented if I just stay mindful of the gifts that come with. It is when I don’t, when I forget there are reasons in this Now to pay attention to that I am missing out on. The very aspects I adore, those which have come to my life already are missed when my thoughts are focused full-time only on my hopes and dreams.. By being focused else where my mind does not allow the complete immersion into what is right here in the Now. It’s a lesson I thought I had made peace with. Obviously not all the time.
I will never give up on my hopes and dreams. I have zero doubt, none what so ever that I need to have both hope and dreams in my life. There are dreams that I have which I would rather give up my right arm for than to have to leave behind. Even just from a practical stand point I need my dreams, and my hopes for them. For it is through these dreams of ,m mine which I keep right side up, and beside me are everything I have hope for. This Hope & these Dreams for my future that I build my ambitions and goals in life upon.
This is my faith; that although I am unable to see and touch that which I hope my life to be, my belief is in tact. I have the faith in my future of my hopes and dreams. I don’t need any more confirmation than living what my life is. Knowing that this is where I put my energy for my future and trusting there is a reason for being is what I ask hope to hold for me. Safekeeping my desires and my dreams The timing of all THESE DAYS & all MY DREAMS are not mine to dictate all the matters of logistics, especially those of the spirit and of the heart. Staying mindful of this, and mindful of each moment Now will keep my energy and beliefs where they are intended to be.
I trust without any reservations; that with My Hope Bringing My Dreams home they will be mine…. In Time….
I am so Blessed ~
For More Oregon photos, and credit for rainbow photo please see Jaime Weatherford’s blogspot at link below.
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