are were four of them. ( sadly, three of us have now experienced what it is like to lose one of us)
And their names are BB, LM, SG. & our beloved VJ
That would be me and the three women I have grown up with. We are the four original Dirty Mothers.
A good friend whose name is David and we lost back in the 90’s realized something we were doing which we four women had never given a second thought to, It seemed a natural for us. David thought other wise, he thought it pretty eccentric of us.
We began losing our mothers in the late 1980’s. LM,’s mother sadly was the first to leave this earth. Then it was my mother. SG’s mom & her mom’s identical twin, and lastly VJ’s mom. Since our mothers had also been neighbors & friends the wakes for each mother were neighborhood affairs. Our friend David who was a photographer would grace the wake with his montage of personal photographs. Always beautiful, always tasteful.
It is also David who gave us this name. The Dirty Mothers, Not very feminine sounding I would agree yet David.. ..being David.. would just smile; shrug his shoulders, hold his hands out, palms facing up; as if to say, “and your point is what?”
It really is not as unflattering as it sounds. If you know now what the significance is to Dirty Mothers you should win a prize just for being in the know. You might even be considered just as eccentric by your friends as David thought of us.
One of these women I met at birth, mine. (so we are told) SG is the oldest with LM being the baby, and VJ & myself in between; all four of us born in 1955. Our family’s lived in the same neighborhood and our moms would do the stereo-typical “coffee get together” around the family dining tables most week day mornings. I have a vivid memory of them sitting together at my mom’s table, chatting about many things I did not understand. VJ rounded us out and made us the perfect quartet in the 7th grade, her mom was an acquaintance to our mothers as well.
Finding ourselves having to gather so often in our 30’s for wakes for our beloved mothers and other people in our joined lives that our dear mutual friend David nick – named us The Dirty Mothers. An Odd & eccentric name for a group of women who have known each all of their lives. We took to it naturally.
Where.,or how did David come up this unusual name? I know you are wanting to know why this name. If you know the why, or are on the same page as David was without me having to tell you than I am impressed. you can move to the head gf the class.
A hint, the nick name did not come from this song, However; I could not believe there is a song actually titled with the same name so I am sharing it with this anecdotal story. The Mothers would approve. All of them!
The name comes from an alcoholic mixed drink that we of the now dubbed Dirty Mothers would drink during the wake memorials of our respective mothers. Our friend David spotted this ritual we had begun even before we realized what we were doing.
Hence the club of the Dirty Mothers had been born.
So what is a Dirty Mother you are asking?
We would begin by making this drink in a blender, the trick is proportions. We would begin with taking a half-gallon (2.27 liter) of Half & Half Cream & four oz (28 gm) to six of good quality gold tequila to the mix. Next add the coffee flavored liquor such a Kahlua™ y a 50 to 50 ratio to the tequila. Depending on which Dirty Mother was making the pitcher of Dirty Mothers would be the deciding factor for how much is too much tequila. Blend till frothy, serve on the rocks. And please Friends if you are going to try this, do put your seat belts on before you even begin.
My friend and yours: A Dirty Mother.
These women and I would spend the evenings together after all family & friends had finally gone on to their own lives again. We would find a quiet alone place to huddle together, hanging on to one another for the evening or the night – often just spending the night so no one was driving. Albeit grown-up big girls we found slumber patties to be comforting on such evenings. We still do. This was not our typical time spent together obviously and we found being together like this required something to loosen our tongues the first time. It then became naturally our thing.
The Dirty Mothers Club.
We’d never had this when it came to the loss of any of our fathers but somehow the connection of being women made this ritual feel exactly like what we were supposed to be doing. What we needed to be doing. Even we felt we had our own mothers blessings. It was a time to spend together sharing tears, and sharing laughter. To this day I have special and cherished memories of these evenings. The painful memories are the months weeks and or days before the wake, and during the actual memorials. These evenings were the time when our healing began.
There was something about gathering together with my extended family of women. My Dirty Mothers. You see, not only have we been friends our entire lives we are also 2nd generation friends out of four generations of the same families being connected through friendships.
Let me explain…
All four of us have had children, all girls ironically. Our children who are adults, now have children. Each generation has remained friends. Each has been raised together, knowing one another, and as close as can be while growing up without being related by blood. We may be closer in fact having the gift of choosing this our extended family. All this wonder despite living in separate cities, and towns now as adults. Four generations of being friends that made family.
The women of the Dirty Mothers & I know we have been incredibly blessed. We know we have a special and unique friendship. And we do not take any of it for granted anymore. Like so many
Like so many things in my life…We, The Dirty Mothers have come Full Circle.
©barefootbaroness ( re-published on FB 01. 2013 )