Unspent Anger


So what do you do with it? That kind anger that rolls around inside your heart giving you great reason to give pause. The kind that then causes me to ask if I am such a nice person, how can I hold anger in my heart for someone and still claim to be of goodness? I know the spiritual answer, Have That Down Pat. Don’t I?  It’s the emotional baggage that is a residual effect of unspent anger that I find I question.

Spending anger usually feels pretty good.  Awe,,, now come on… admit it. Even if it is just in the moment of the storm, isn’t that so sweet?  I have been known to enjoy a few “spout offs” as my grandmother would say. And don’t you know ladies; we as women folk should not get mad, angry or other wise upset. WE just should not, and definitely not in mixed company, God forbid. I say this tongue in cheek but; because I think it is a part of the background in many women’s cases that are near me generationally it has a valid point. (I’m sure that is not a legal word but I so like it)

Spent anger is a great release, it rids your body of the pent-up adrenalin just like that, it’s gone! Leaving instead the type of hangover relative to  that particular angst.

I’m curious what others do though. When you have reached a point in life where you have taught yourself not to engage and for the most part, this works really well. It helps to keep the limited contact you must have doable. Most of the time.

But when there are rare occurrences  how do you cope? what do you do?

I could get all caught up in the whys of being angry and start placing blame.Building more miserable history. I’d rather not though. I see it as a complete waste of energy which I could other wise direct back into the matter of living my life. But doing this and ridding myself of unspent anger are two completely different things. I refuse also to have to carry this anger around. It’s mine, I own it. Why not with do with it what I want?

I know it’s just a matter of finding a healthy way of releasing these emotions caused by my feelings that are involved. I have the Emotional Intelligence to work it out if I only give myself a chance. No knee jerk reactions need apply.

My release is words for sure, but not at someone, or about someone. The words that work for me are about feelings. This.

I put on some great music which today does not require having to change vinyl albums, flip them, or being called to the turn table over and over so I can listen to the great music of my life. I had no clue  however about the love affair I would soon be  having with YouTube…… Fabulous!! { A smiling shout-out to my maestro for this }

My way of dispensing that Unspent Anger in a healthy way has become more refined as I travel my journey in this universe. Today I load a play list on my laptop, not another thought is needed for the music. I usually turn it up loud for this purpose so I can feel the music tear into my soul. I bring up a fresh word page, blank space to fill with all that Unspent Anger. A perfect combination.

Rarely do these  written pieces go anywhere.. they are anything from hurt feelings to all out rage. Typically these pieces will be trashed after serving their purpose. Thankfully my blank white space can take it the abuse I throw at it. And it does not respond in like so getting IT ALL OUT is a sure thing. I am ever grateful for that.

I will listen to a song that really moves me, touches my soul deeply just as this Rascal Flatts tune above did for me today. I sing it loud and bold in a room with the best acoustics in the house, and I harmonize the anger away. I cannot tell you what song, most work any time, Some will speak louder to me on one day than the next. Mood is everything with music. And like magic music eases anger out of me just as if I was being played. Easing the words into a more mellow cadence.. my typing slows down….until finally… the words have spent the anger right on out of me. I must admit it is a marvelous technique that has taken me years to hone. And all along the journey has been amazing music.

Now it is your turn. Tell me how you deal with Unspent Anger. Or are you one of those brilliant people who can speak about their fury at the time of? I’m in admiration of you. I am unable to do so and consequently my hissy fits occasionally seem in the end to bite back.  So I will continue on singing and writing.

I’d love for you to share. Tag you  are it!

What is that you do with Unspent Anger? How do you tame it?

This Inquiring Baroness wants to know.


34 thoughts on “Unspent Anger

  1. Pingback: My Happy List « retiredruth

  2. I learned to change my thinking a few years ago, so it’s rare for me to have that amount of rage any more. Writing it out is a good outlet though. I try to talk it over with God and then remind myself that ‘the wrath of man (Angie) work etch not the righteousness of God. ‘. It helps 🙂

    • Ahh.. see Angie that is the trick, and one I recognized even as I wrote this piece.
      I am not turning the anger over soon enough. When I realize the impotenvy that the anger holds I need to let it go. It is an ego thing when I don’t.
      I am not more powerful without His gloriy & insight to me.

  3. Hey, sister girl, once again we sound alike.

    Anger is part of human nature, an emotion of release when one is hurt or upset. Everyone gets angry, we just express it in different ways. Carol has a great idea, draw pictures.

    I try to avoid negative people; they tend to stir the anger pot.
    Blessings ~ Maxi

    • My Dear Dear Maxi, Its no longer surprising to me. I do not mean that I am taking it for granted, instead I just now nod my head and celebrate knowing that you and I so alike.

      I think my challenge is like you say, staying a way from negative people. I can see that by nature I am typically a happy go lucky person, am able to let a lot roll off my shoulders.
      I am learning the act of dis-engagement and use it quite often. Not taking things so personal is another tip I use. I mean a really, who in the universe said it is all about ME?

      I also agree with Carol and never said but I draw, I have started a new passion in drawing too. It is called Zentangles. A wonderfully fancy art form of doodling. It’s fantastic for processing any emotions. A quite act that can lead to all kind soof possibilities.

      Bless you Maxi my friend I always look forward to hearing from you. Much love to you my Big Sister. You make me smile real BIG Thank you ~ BB

  4. For years, I turned my anger in on myself — I smoked, drank, smoked pot, slept around — all of these were obviously quite bad for me, and I avoided doing things that were good for me. Now that I have decided to control that kind of behavior, or do without altogether, I find I don’t really get very mad — I was mad about being a diabetic, but not so much now.

    • I thought I had answered this. Weird. WP Grenkins. I mean I know what I said an dall

      Oh by the wy too meant to say on your gratitude post thisweek that going back to the New England area in Autumn has been on my bucket lits befire I knew it wa scalled a bucket list. So although Oregon is stunning in the Fa;; so many maples, oak and the lovely birch leaves turning.

      So about abusing the body. I know I did this anyway I started internalizing things at age 9.. Went straight to my body It could have been then I developed the Fibro and lie dormant until something traumatic happened to my body.
      So anger and disease are hugely related also in the chronic pain world anger turned inward so common.

      Its just awesome that e can celebrate the other ways to cope that we have found. Mine is learning to talk about at the time, not to let 100 things build up. Nothing makes sense then.

  5. My release is words for sure, for sure… we so know. Yes, I agree there.

    Toni, this song – I’ve never even heard of the band. It was fantastic, just fantastic. The way the lead delivered it, it was so truly felt, I am sure. He sings ‘I will stand by you, help you through when you’ve done all you can do’… you know, I’ve so so often stood alone in my battles, no-one at side. I ache for a man like this! Ah love, come find me. I can’t be THAT hard to find – I’m on the internet!! 🙂

    All the best to you Toni. And with anger, well, I’ve always been physical. Except for in these last couple of years. I started drinking instead. I am now struggling to be back to physical. It’s more healthy, surely.

    Have a great day! Let’s make this weekend our own Soul Food Fest! I’ve put my piece of pie on the table, & you yours here now… let’s see what else we can find to nibble on 🙂

    • O sweetie.. let me just have you Rasca’sl number… don’t we wish. I can offer you some sound advice .I think you need to find as ongwrtter, that would be my suggestion. If you are looking for tenderness, sensitivity, gentleness, and someone who may not openly talk about his feelings, but will in a song.. Magic Love.

      Stick with physical okay. I hear you about abusing the body. I did when I was young to run from pain of the past, only it made things truly worse. I am grateful I realzied it before I caused any damage, I am blssed.

      Souf Food Fest Girl you know a way into this Baroness’ life. It’s Friday I can spend the whole weekend;( except for time to fly to my love in between.) I shall be there so set the table in the lounge for two ~

  6. That’s a beautiful song… hadn’t heard it yet.
    Music soothes me, too. I have a Playlist on itunes labeled “Happy” and one labeled “Sad” that I use frequently. But maybe I should make one for “Angry”…. should it sound angry like Heavy Metal? or should it be something that soothes me?

    • Hi Ruth, I think its the harmonics first that first grabs our soul, the the lyrics kick in to our heart. Its a spiritual thing with music I think. It has been part of my entire life, I cannot imagine coping with anything, or celebrating anything without muisc.

      Angry play list LOVE that idea!
      I suggest both. The heavy for that release, getting rid of the anger nothing better! Then the after glow. sad, or I would call purely emotional. Could be glad feelings too… now that the anger has mellowed.

      What do you think?

  7. Pingback: ANGER IS WHAT ? « " I DIDN'T SAY THAT "

  8. Interesting question BB, I have lots of experience with anger and hurt and from an early age was forced to supress my feelings. As these emotions were internalised they manifested in IBS or spastic colon from the age of 14. I have often wondered if I’d had the freedom to express myself I could have avoided years of suffering. Nowadays I do sometimes just blow. OH knows how to press my buttons and when it’s done deliberately in an obstructive and unproductive way I just have no patience with it. For years I held my tongue when the children were in the house so as not to cause a scene but now he gets it if he crosses the line and not surprisingly he quickly got the message. My main method of destressing is to cuddle my dogs -it’s really hard to remain angry when you have a warm puppy in your arms. Otherwise I write but not necessarily post it to my blog. Another method that works for me is to retreat into a good book until the anger is erased. I do find it takes time to put things in perspective, to ask yourself “how important is this going to be tomorrow, or next year”. I like to work through this on my own without involving anyone else. BTW I have had contact from my daughter – see my post “Bolt from the Blue”.

  9. Great post. I have much experience with anger (hasn’t everyone who’s ever been hurt?). Real catharsis has come from yelling and doing whatever to a pillow, pretending it’s the person who’s wronged me. But long-term, it seems to be in recognising that I don’t want to live as a victim anymore, or a martyr, and finding freedom through self-care. And allowing the God of the universe to love me deeply.

    • Great question optie! “have much experience with anger (hasn’t everyone who’s ever been hurt?”
      It is true,

      I have tried so hard to move past that forgiveness of self for holding such anger in. Still working on that one. Letting Go is not as easy a sit sounds somtetimes.

      I agree with you it also needs to be something physical, that spurt of energy to help the process of being released. Pillow Punching, dancing, throwing something. another personalfavorite of mine (not at somebody.. or at least yet 😉 )

      But my friend, we should be celebrating, yes? I am so excited for you optie. My prayers are full of you & yours ~ BB

  10. A great anger burst is cathartic and cleanses the soul. Every once in awhile me or Chris will just let go and scream or hit a chair or something. This weekend Chris took down a bunch of blackberry bushes from our backyard and released a lot. The best part of knowing that getting anger out is extremely healing and healthy, Chris and I just kind of laugh at each other once it is out. 99% of the anger in our household has to do with the AMA and my lymes. Need I say more.

    • Aww… yes the blackbery bushes of the valley with roots that live on down to hell and come back.I hope Chris protected herself, they are brutal.
      Can you believe people plant them on purpose? Cracks me up! It’s like morning glory; Its not even supposed to be sold to Oregon residents anymore.
      Sorry I digressed there.

      I know you are right about the release of all that negatove coated energy All the toxins After feelings of fatigue, by tomorrow I will be back to myself physically.
      Am back to myself emotionally immedailty after some music and writing. Between you & I it took more than Rascal Flatts. I listened to The Who & Foo Fighters too.
      . Now if I just keep this in mind and trust just going there sooner. Less stuffing you know

      Thanks so much my good friend ~ BB.

  11. I think your method is brilliant! I have been wrestling with this dilemma for a few days – for me it was to do with hatred and trying to turn it into indifference (I wrote a post on it). I came to the conclusion that I should laugh at my enemies and I have found that quite effective. I realize this sounds a bit melodramatic – after all the enemies are only a couple of stupid inlaws – ha! Thanks for this thought-provoking post, BB!

    • Stupid inlaws can be dangerous Jules. I know. I read your post.

      I agree laughing at them is a dlightful revenge I love it.
      It fels like I spent over 50 yrs stuffing feelings in one way or another.. I don’t men this like in some sad way, just what it was.
      It’s only been recently when I started asking is this it? Is this al there is? I realized as long as I am hiding my feelings there is nothing more. How could there be in a surreal world of denied feelings?

      Thanks Jules, somehow you commenting is comforting to me. I greatly appreciate my friend ~

  12. BB – I have control of my anger. I want to share my secret.

    Allow for anger for 10 minutes. Make a fantasy up of revenge – then let that sucker go.
    Anger is a demon set to destroy a beautiful soul. It has no place there. Carol is right. The energy taken for anger can be replaced with your own love for yourself and life.

    Once you have learned the art of DETACHMENT you will own the world you live in.

    I wish you thoughts of beauty, peace and calm. Own your own beauty. There is nothing like karma to see you through.


    • “Allow for anger for 10 minutes. Make a fantasy up of revenge – then let that sucker go”

      lLs I love you!! I love your sage advice too I am ready tp practice the revenge fantas.. i have the scenerio in mind right now… and is it going to rippp!…..

      Brilliant My lovey friend ~ BB

  13. Anger comes slowly to me these days, but when it does how I handle it varies. If it is something in the news, generally political, I’m like as not to spout off in a blog. If it’s husband, I steam, I stew, I stomp around the yard and then I just let go (husband does not do talking about disagreements) because the anger is taking far too much energy. For as long as I can remember I have dealt with anger, hurt, fear, all of those deep inside things by pulling in, visiting my personal “safe harbor”, often writing the words, then destroying the document, occasionally drawing a picture of my feelings.
    Hmmm – maybe fodder for a blog one day. . . .

    • Carol, thank you for sharing this with me. It is true that different people and differnt events can invoke different angers, requiring different techniques. I handle bad news about children, etc.. but tearing my house apart and cleaning everything out. Purging!
      Most others though as I have grown both in age and in wisdom music and words do it.I have been known to crank the car radio up and write on toilet Tissue just so I could get it out of me.
      My mom and two brothers say I just love too hard. Is there really such a thing as “too” anything when speaking about love?

      • You know, I think your mom and brothers have a point. One can love too hard, too generously in some cases, I think. In those cases where that love is being given to someone who is truly not deserving of it, who rejects it, who punishes for it being given. Yes. Otherwise, absolutely not – when the recipient respects the love, it cannot be given too generously or too hard.

        • I am extremely grateful Carol. Your perceptions are very keen my friend. Both my brothers who are still alive thankfully (albeit our mom passed on about 12yrs ago) have urged me to lighten up. That I am just as you said giving maybe to much where it should not be. But my brothers would have you think that no one is deserving to be in my life but them and family.
          I appreciate their protectivness but its not about them. I am agrown woman now.

          I always belived you give until it hurts, love till hurts. i thought all or nothing..Then i thought I just did not have it figured out and thought it was me.
          What a shock to learn that is not true at all.

          Thank you so much for this my friend. Maybe one day over a glass of wine ~ BB

You are most welcome to share your thoughts, comments, and/or complaints here. Know though complaints are only handled on the 2nd Tuesday of the week.~ The Management

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