Finally~

Living Proud * Living Loud

{Inspired by the project for September’s Chronic Pain Awareness Month 2012}

 Finally.

I am a person of deep faith. My faith runs proud and it runs loud and brings to my life a constant sense of Hope and Dreams. Having hope allows the possibility of my dreams to sustains me. I have finally found a way to own that.

To Live It Proud,  To Live It Loud. (in my heart)

I believe in the spiritual power of Hopes and Dreams. I believe that keeping Hope alive is as essential to my life as is breathing. The times without hoping for dreams are as dark as they are bleak. Time’s of my past, I know My faith needs to include hope for dreams, and now shines lightness and brilliance.

I am not so naive or such an overly positive person that I do not know things, events, life can get in the way and dampen the lightness & sparkle. There was a time when I believed chronic illness had wiped all those dreams and my hopes away. It was like a light had been switched off suddenly, and life became smothered in darkness.

Without HOPE dreams are useless.

Yet dreams are persistent in some magical way. maybe they never  really do leave you alone. Instead, possibly when the light went out it only shadowed all my dreams, I believe in all possibilities.

With light being what light is, it spilled glancing glows despite myself, showing me that it is I that has been completely unaware, and had turned away; reminding my soul that it is up to me to see and to feel the castings of the small glimmers of hope. “They are there” a reminder from the universe. A reminder glimmering in the shadows.

Possibilities?  Dreams? Hope?

Was it possible that I was not seeing that dreams were still there in the shadowed light? Could it be all along that they have always been right there under my own nose? Just because I was not seeing? Or refusing to admit what I was seeing was real.  Hope & Dreams” as I thought they should be, meaning = I was not seeing them at all. The Should have’s, the could have’s, the what if’s  all got in the way, they have no place in Hope & Dreams,  that is where I became confused.

Listening to my soul is an option. There are no should haves or would haves, there are no what if’s or could be’s.. It just is. That is what my faith is. It’s all, or it’s nothing with soul talk, no more second guessing, the light shines brightly through and I see it.

My eyes are opened wide today. Soul talk is a powerful thing. It takes a leap of great faith to listen to the soul sometimes when it feels frightening. I’d quite rather be frightened with a deep faith in something more powerful than I than to be without. This spirit feeds me, why would  I ever question it?

Today I Live Proud.  I Live Loud.  I Live again with my Hope for Dreams.

 ©tjhelser2012

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35 thoughts on “Finally~

  1. I so very, very agree, Mi’Lady.

    When I was a teen & suicidal, what went through my head when I crouched between parked cars, aching for the guts – car upon car upon car as it passed – to jump out onto traffic and kill myself – I WONDERED what my life could be if I HAD CONDUCT OF IT, if my life was mine & I wasn’t trapped in dad’s household, and it was half curiosity what I was born for/half hope it could be better than that present, that part caused me to not jump (also I lacked guts). So hope played a large part, indeed. I hoped for my future, it could be better/different.

    Hope on, hope all.

  2. Everyone must have faith, hopes and dreams. Those who live with chronic pain, be it physical or mental, must have even more faith, hope and dreams. Those things are a necessary lifeblood.

    • N* I can tell you what you visting this post means to me. That you found it and found meaning it means a lot. I hold you in admirriation. In fact just was mentioning you to my 35 yr old daughter. So how ironic to find this comment fro you,

      The other thing I want to share is that even though I wrote this it is valuable to me that you brought me back to it again, and that it was today is amazing. Thank you.

      Hope is what got you to where you are and my sweet friend you are a solid healthy woman, with history. Just like all of us are. I rin from a dead grandfather who will never get what he did to any of us. Leave that part of your life behind, they are never going to get it. I can tell from the little contact I had.

      Youa re so much more than that and you are also so much braver because of it. When afraid you sought hope That is damn powerful to me girl
      Its so awesome that you are away from that which tried to take you out of the game. I for one m extreremely grateful you are here and you call me your friend.

      As I said N, so proud… Hope on girl I am so lifting that from you. Hope on, yes!..:

  3. A great embrace of love to you for your awesome poem, we who live with this pain should aways be applauded! I am moved to a pure sweet joy by your words! I too am touched daily by this thief! But i will always move one, because what does not kill me shall always make me stronger! Thanks for sharing My sister!

    • Wendell, your words move me to tears my dear brother. I’ am touched with what you share. Although I’d never want anyone to be part of this club. and it breaks my heart that you also belong to this club I’m honored that you share such a private thing. Thank you!
      That which has not killed me has definiatly made me stronger, I can honsetly say there are tmes when I am reminded by the incredible love that my God holds for me that I become once again the grateful, thankful & humble woman …..for the love of it all.

      I am once again stunned by how small our world really is, it is a good that we are part of that same small world.

      May Blessings, and laighter fill your heart ~ BB

  4. Reblogged this on Fibromyalgia–It's a Real Pain and commented:
    This is a post from my dear friend Lady Barefoot Baroness. When I started my blog, my hope was to have just one person who did not already know me, find the blog and “get” my perspective. When I started blogging, I had not yet found many people who believed in THRIVING with fibromyalgia and in some way this was an attempt to reach out to the cosmos and hope someone else out there thought the way I do. Lady Baroness is that person and we have been fast friends ever since. We have an astounding number of other random things in common including our grandmothers share the same name! I do not talk about my personal faith often but I could have easily written most of this post had I been willing to write about it. I hope you enjoy it. It was the very first thing I read this morning and it moved me to tears. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

    • O my girlfriend how you honor me! I ‘ve read this once and cried. It didn’t help. I am crying again.
      It’s been over a year and we have journeyed this time together when we can and when not in one anothers prayers. Our grandmothers are proud sweetie.
      I could not ask for a better Fibro-Folk -Sister. (ooo-hh I am feeling an award developing there. I love this thinking on the fly ;_) That would be the Folk artists in me speaking I dare say. ~

    • Thanks so much sis caddo~ actually thought of you while wriying this. I knew what i wanted to say but it took me two days. Not like me.

      You are such wonderful support. Love ya Girl & God Bless ya.~ BB

  5. Oh lovely friend what a beautiful post! I came to WP first this morning so other than your comment on my post it is the only thing I’ve read today and it is enough. Beautiful! Now it is I who is asking for permission to reblog. May I?

  6. Okay without further adieu and because I was thinking about it *gasp* at the same time I had WP open…lol…here’s the link to the story you asked to reblog.

    http://wp.me/p1h8zJ-6f

    No need to ask in the future, I have several who reblog my posts all the time and at first it sort of bothered me but honestly I would rather have someone click “reblog” rather than “copy and paste”.

    Love ya!

  7. Yay!! Pretty much the only way to live, dear friend. Well, for me that is as I can only speak for myself. I remember a time when I didn’t “walk that walk”. Wooo baby, pain, suffering and the illusion of no hope.

    • Bumpy road Michael, eh? It is sometimes hard to remember the light shines on, it is just looking at it that gets you there.
      Kind of like shiny things M.
      Thanks for stopping by. I always enjoy seeing a friend!!!

You are most welcome to share your thoughts, comments, and/or complaints here. Know though complaints are only handled on the 2nd Tuesday of the week.~ The Management

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