I Don’t Even Know What To Title This

Stuck on being Stuck?

I am even unable to find the right key with my fingers, each finger feels like two, I am unable to even find words. Me! And now I cannot even find a title for this piece that I am also not even sure I can execute.

Something should be forth coming from this brain of mine to my fingers, whether they are typing or using my favorite pen. I should be able to come up with what it is I want to write about, or what I want to say in my ongoing project. But it’s not happening and I have no clue why. Most of the times this has happened it’s been explained away by myself, to myself. This time I am stumped. And I am stuck. I am so stuck I cannot even find inspiration to create a title for this.

I need to be able to write. I know getting stressed about not being able to find words is not helping. And that just letting it go is what I should be doing. Like walking away from the project that is not going well. Getting a clearer perspective. And it feels like on many cross roads that there is a force working against me. I cannot even keep my font on the same style or color to save my life. I’m sure it is because my laptop and WP have not been shut down for the last 36 hours. Tired laptop or WP, which I am not sure.Tired operator maybe? I don’t know.

But I keep telling myself that being tired is not going to be my excuse. It can’t. If that is the case than being tired is going to get in my way too often. I cannot afford to let getting tired matter. I have too much I am interested in doing. It’s not even about having TOO MUCH TO DO, it really isn’t. The idea that I am passionate about so many things and not being able to do them because I am tired does not thrill me. Though it may be a reality of mine it does not have to be one I settle for. I have the freedom and choice to make my reality change alter my reality from what it tends to want to be. 

My choice?

My choice to use the time that I am given by God, and by medicine to use for the people and the things that I am deliriously passionate about is what I cannot afford TIRED for.  NOT finding TIME; or in my case most often not finding “The Spoons” necessary to succeed this leaves me feeling deeply saddened. By that which I am not able visit my passions wears on me. I’m wondering if that is what is bothering me, why I am finding myself at this block. I need to express myself in some way almost daily. Either through my mind with words, or through my hands in creating something that can be touched. I need these outlets like I need water and sunlight. I am not meaning to be dramatic, just needing to find a path back to where ever my creative wings were dropped.

MY MOJO

Finding myself without words is unsettling. I know, you find it unsettling too that you are finding me say that I am wordless.  People that know me are going to be laughing at the mere suggestion of this. I am really good about filling pages with idle chatter and maybe there will be a good topic and some common sense in amongst what I chatted about. This being at a loss for words is not the norm for me. But I could move past that.

While not finding the words was leaving me feel a bit unsettled as I said I thought that since, especially since, my cool husband had shined on the fact that I had art supplies all around my LazyBoy that it would be appropriate to try working on a greeting card. I had elements I’d made sitting aside for one that I had left unfinished before my cervical procedure.  So I thought a piece of cake right? Despite orders from medical headquarters, to not us my arms away from my body for the 6 weeks of healing post the cervical procedure. It’s hard to be creative with your hands while holding your arms next to your body. Holding your arms next to your body is not hard, it’s the natural pose you want to strike while guarding that which hurts. But that which had been hurting wasn’t hurting as much so my thinking was Cool! I can work at my table for a bit.

Making a card is what I wanted to do. I did it. It turned out fine. I did not turn out fine so much the next day. I woke up unable to move not just my left arm and shoulder, but my right shoulder opted to join in the revolt. They were ticked off at me!

I had a great time making the card. It’s one of my passions. It feeds me in ways nothing else can. Much like writing does. I have been stuck for words it feels like for much too long. I am hoping the card making session will unleash creative flow for my writing passion as well.

Ironically I am finding that several people I know are dealing with a very similar problem. Their creative wings have been clipped as mine seemed to have been. But then that is the most wonderful thing about your wings just clipped. They grow back nice and strong with your flight wings firmly intact and stronger than evet before. 

Also writing about losing that feeling is Chris Donner. Her fabilous blog is quite a read, I invite you t read Chris’s post called  “Strong Writing Mojo” at Chris’s blog Chris Donner Mystery Writer which can found at this link: http://chrisdonnermysterywriter.wordpress.com/2012/06/17/strong-writing-mojo/#comment-973

I’m just waiting for t~hose creative wings to grow back so that my creativity may once again soar.

 

~

 

©tjhelser2012

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17 thoughts on “I Don’t Even Know What To Title This

  1. I am smiling a knowing smile and nodding in affirmation as I read. The phrase “been there, done that” most certainly applies! I have found telling myself, “you’re just having a little quiet time” can help me to enjoy the word-less moments a little more. However, like a spoiled toddler it also can put me into a screaming “BUT I DON’T WANT TO BE QUIET” tantrum. Obviously, I try not to piss myself off because when I am in that mood to be loud then damnit I will have loud or there will be no peace! In those inconsolable, loud moments laughter sometimes helps me reset my brain while other times and no matter how much it hurts I have to get out of the house and away from the taunts of paints, brushes, wood, flowers and glue. And if all else fails I go to Starbucks for my standing order, a venti Americano. If those damned brain cells won’t cooperate I aim to drown the weak ones in espresso!

    • I’m now the one smiling nodding her head knowingly. Ahh yes, better Living through chemistry sometimes when all else fails. I keep frappes around and they sometimes help. That nice rush of chocolate and caffiene.
      This is my brain on….

      Getting unstuck can ahve a whole hosts of issues broought on. Thankfully it dos not happen often because I just know everything I think should be put out loud somehow! LOl…everything I think must be said. And heard !!

      Hey there my sweet lady !, saw a comment from you somewhere here on my blog, still looking for it, but you were telling me about the hobby Lobby(?) not far from your dughters in CA. And that you would not go without. You’re on! 🙂
      You are so much a dear friend I could gently hug you.

      How’s the empty nest coming along. You were nesting to create a writing/crafting artsy room? is that what i recall? You know Fibro fog and all I hope I;ve not svrewed that up.

      Stay in touch dear friend. I’ve missed you !~ BB

      • OMGOSH…I am LOLing for real!!!!

        One of the things I am working on is NOT saying everything that runs through my mind. I understand the sensation. Oh we are so alike!

        My studio is still unpainted and I am okay with that because I have been wonderfully busy with amazing things which I am in the process of blogging about. I miss my girl so much though. The lack of paint has been a good thing because as I’ve been hanging pictures I’ve been changing my mind a lot–better to make extra holes at this point…lol It’s too hot here to paint walls anyway.

        About Hobby Lobby…yes, that was me. It is literally just down the street at the third stop light if I recall correctly.

        I’ve miss you too! I don’t know if you’ve found it yet but I did give you permission to reblog that post you asked about.

        Love ya!!!

        • It’s so funny how like minded people can be and have so much in common. I think it’s rather wonderful.
          I would not rush doing your room, let it all fall into place piece by piece. I made the mistake of filling mine with all my old things and ended up not feeling very inspired. I am in the process of re-doing mine piece by piece as I find the right pieces. i want a vintage shabby scic feel to my room.

          I’m so glad that you are staying busy and that you sound like you are doing fairly well. I so worried about a big flare after your daughter left..
          It pleases me to know it sound slike you are holding your own.

          Would you be a darling, you’re all ready a sweetheart. Could you bother to send me a link again to the post I had asked about. I am so behind my behind right now in comments I could be up a creek without a paddle, or something like that.

          Thanks so much. I am looking forward to seeing more of you my friend
          ~ BB

  2. I believe you are in OVERthink. Time to NOT think. Maybe you need a change of pace, a change of scenery and stop worrying about the muse. I’ve been there too and I know this happens to ME when, like Oliver Twist, I’ve asked, “I want more, please.” (when the well was dry and I had been pushing too hard).

    Do a half dozen OTHER things and don’t think about writing. You’ll wake up refreshed. I have fingers crossed.

    • Thanks so much Tess. Its great advice you share. I have been doing just that, not letting it consume my thoughts that I was not able to write. It’s helped greatly I think.
      I discovered I have been depending too much on my writing as an escape of late. Not being able to be as mobile and physical as I normally am left me wanting more. More that could not be. I had to redirect my energies into somewhere else. So, you know what I have been doing? Reading literature, and watching old film noir. They both have been like a salve on an open wound.

  3. I know just how you feel. I couldn’t and didn’t want to write at all EVER….I was stuck yep! I went back to pen and paper and it helped the words flow better but even then I am so sick of myself and my words that i can’t stand it…..it is just a flow i know that comes and goes. and right now it is gone baby, down the drain, out the door, back to walk no more…well maybe…………………………..!!! 🙂 🙂 🙂

    • “I am so sick of myself and my words that i can’t stand it…”
      This has been me. I’m not even sure why. I think you helped me realize that our flow does in fact come and go.

      Maybe our respected mojo’s are off on a walk about together. Maybe we do not lnow as much as we think.

      Maybe there is a place all creative mojo’s go to refuel and re-inspire. I sure hope so because frankly I kind of miss the release.

  4. Your enthusiasm and frustration are there in every word, Toni. Maybe it’s time to take a break. Something like… The Baroness has taken a barefoot walk into the forest; see you when I return.

    Blessings from your friend – Maxi

    • I so love you Maxi!! I think you are absolutely write!! Pun intended. I think maybe there was a reason for that break, although exactly why I’m not sure yet. But having been more laid back about WP has been good for me. Somethings are not meant to be so serious in our lives.

      Just prior to this break, block whatever it should be called I found a whole chapter in one week inside me. I worked on this chapter that has been ailing me for months, even moved passed it intending to come back. When I did I knew why the delay. It was a fabilous week. Maybe I’m just spent for the time being.
      A lovely barefoot walk in the forest is a lovely idea. Thank you.

    • It’s maybe a good thing that we have these breaks in the flow. I was stressed about and that stress helped me find my way to these exact words. Funny how that works.
      Thanks always Jules for your support. You mean alot to me in this WP community.

  5. Do you realize, sweet girl, how many words you just wrote? Brava! Now try a really easy one, like a letter of the alphabet, or choose a word. You have it in you, my dear.

    • You my dear friend are the finest sense of support for me. Thank you! I did realize after I wrote this that I still had it in me, just finding it is the issue.

      I love your tip and plan on using it when STUCK the next time. Because I just know that there will be many more times in my life when getting stuck will be my foe. Thanks so much for the tips,
      It’s support of our writing that I find amazing here. Maybe my first affection for some came from that support. Then grew.

      • My dear sweet friend, I draw info on writing from you with every post you write. I have often, in the course of my life, had some trouble remaining positive. My problem was always that I thought I had to be totally upbeat, and anything that had a single flaw was a total failure. You have helped me leave most of that behind. We are just very, very lucky to have run into each other. Big hugs!

        • No, I think it is I that is the very lucky one in finding you my darling friend. I have been so humbled by you in many ways and when I’m starting to feel blue I think of how hard you fight. I cannot stop fighting that easy then.

          The friendship that we have found and have been nurturing is good for me, good for my writing too. Good in so many ways I cannot count them. To have a writing buddy to encourage and to support is a gift I never knew I’d adore as much as I have found and adore you.~

You are most welcome to share your thoughts, comments, and/or complaints here. Know though complaints are only handled on the 2nd Tuesday of the week.~ The Management

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