Night Writer

I’ve come to find out that I’m doing things at night when I should be asleep. Things that I’m kind of amazed to find in the mornings. It’s not like I don’t remember what I’ve done exactly, just that I’m not aware of the full realm of what I’m doing at the time.

For instance writing. I find that I’m writing much about things I’d maybe not have shared had I been myself. I’m not looking for excuses, frankly there is nothing I even have to feel bad about. I hope. What I’m finding though is that sometimes I’ll start a piece with a very clear goal in mind, a vert distinct tale I want to tell. I’ll be passionate about the piece as I’m writing, getting carried away with the text of my feelings. Before I know it I look at the monitor and there are a hundreds of zzzzzz’s across the page.  I read further before the zz’s  and there is some very distinct feelings being shared about topics I’d normally keep private. I think it’s absolutely hysterical that it always seems to be the letter Z that my fingers fall asleep on.

That’s not too bad, right?

I could live with that. No biggie, just drag and highlight, hit delete. No biggie. And it’s quite noticeable even to these lethargic eyes of mine that  I can even get by with any spelling or grammar errors thanks to spell checker. So there are ways my fanny is covered when I’m spending my sleepless hours night writing.

What gets me in trouble are the sentences and paragraphs that I ramble on while discreetly nodding off over my laptop.

I’ll begin with a good idea, know what it is I want to say. Even know that there will be a learning curve to what I am trying to express during the hours of my exposition. I’ll even be able to write for several hours without ever feeling one bit of drowsiness.  But then it happens. I wake up after catching myself starting to drop my chin onto my chest. Finding line after line of Zzzzzzzzzzzz’s.

And the embarrassing parts. The rambling on’s about nothing that resembles what I was writing about, and not even that anything that makes any sense. I’ve taken the time to read a few lines, or what I can read. It’s Night Writing and looks like someone else has taken over my fingers. With a story of their own to tell.

I’m working through a writing program called “Writing Life Stories” by Bill Roorbach. I belive what is happening during those minutes or hours (I’ve no clue of how much time is passing) of Night Writing is that the last lesson is still planted firmly in my mind. Sometimes I will have dome the work that day, and sometimes all I was able to do was that day’s reading assignments. My Night Writing is an obvious extension of that day’s lesson.

Rambling on about “scaffolding” and ‘generic disclaimers” comes from what I’m learning in this writing course. It’s obvious since this terminology is not mine and is the Instructors. I find that I will have started a piece with a goal towards expressing a day spent with my grandson, and when I come back from the Night Writing I read the words of a rambling student regarding the scaffolding of any story written, let alone mine.

It’s obvious the lessons are sticking, but this Night Writing could be dangerous. Rambling on with a keyboard during an altered awake period is like writing drunk ( I actually would not know) Things that are not always in my consciousness are definitely there in my unconsciousness and while my brain would normally show some restraint with my finger tips, during Night Writing this censorship is not in place. And because so anything could come out.

It’s a good thing I have yet to post one of these Night Writer examples. a good thing that publishing has not taken place until I’m conscious of what I am doing. Thankfully I am able to edit and censor what should not be shared, and what is junk.

I’ve heard stories of people with chronic insomnia like myself who have done some pretty strange things during the time they should be asleep. I’ve read and researched this phenomenon that can take place, of actions drawn out while the body and mind should be asleep together. Not working against one another.  There are all kinds of weird and even some real dangerous actions taken by people who are not sound asleep in a safe environment. With the three stages of sleep it’s easy to see why this can happen, yet that does not make me feel any lighter. Or any better. It’s still a creepy feeling to wake up and find words you don’t remember writing. It’s a very weird sensation and despite knowing that it was me that wrote everything there I still find myself looking around for some culprit who worked their way into my writing. And into my night.

But alas there is no one else around and I have to face up to that it is I that is doing this alter ego writing. And I find other stories, other memories out of the times of Night Writing. So maybe it’s okay, and maybe since I’m able to articulate some of that which is in my subconscious this is a healthy thing.

Maybe there is some good reasons and outcomes for those times of Night Writing,   I’m learning even more about myself and the life around me.

tjhelser 2012

24 thoughts on “Night Writer

  1. Pingback: 7 x 7 Valid Awards, Points & Random Posts | Lady Barefoot Baroness

  2. Put every word to hard copy, Toni. Ya neva know how valuable those “zombie stories” can become. You may want to make a collection one day.

    Many Blessings – Maxi

    • Peoples who have opinions and advice that matter much to me have me convinced I should not only being looking at the writings with eyes wide open (sorry about pun) but also you have me convinced to save them all. Despte whether they seem to hold any value or not at the time.

      Maxi, your faith in me and friendship become more meaningful everyday. !

      Blessed Be my friend!

  3. You should be saving every word of it. Your conscious is writing your story or threads of it how very neat. Chris is one who will fall asleep on a dime and wake up fast too. She only sleeps 5-6 hours a night, on a good night. She loves getting up at 4am or earlier…it is her time of day. Ideally she would love to go back to bed around 8 and take a nippy nap.

    I’d would say honor what your body and psyche is doing….as long as it feels right for you. Don’t fight it just go with it. You’ll know if it doesn’t feel like it is right. Then that’s the time you want to do someting about it.

    Oh BTW, I’m feeling real good today!

    • That is so validating and encouraging. I’ve been doing this for so long I really don’t know anything different, except what I see and hear from other people. It’s best to just accept it and make something holistic out of those times. They are happening for a reason I have no doubt.

      D. can fall asleep at a “normal” time, sleep 8 and be up at the crack of dawn, just when I may be finally falling into a good sleep cycle. We are like night and day on how we sleep.

      Thanks so much for your loving support. Hope you’re okay today.

  4. Pingback: Scaffolding, or What Writers Can Learn From the Construction Industry with R.J. Davnall « Quill Shiv

  5. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ nope you didn’t make me fall asleep. I enjoyed it all!! It sounds like night writing suites you very well even if it is precarious at times. I have a diary that my grandmother’s aunt had writtten. Mostly poetry, and her life just unfolded on those pages tragedies and all. But the theme was goodness coiled around all of life’s events that she experienced. I feel lucky to have it! It is a wonderfult thing that you are doing… 🙂 🙂

    • Terri my sweet friend, you have some of the coolest memories and memory leepers from family. How wonderful! I too would cherish such a rich source of writing and family details
      I write snail mail letters with my late mom’s only sister, only sibling. We share our lives on those pages about every two weeks. They are not always long letters but they are always full of family news and then my auntie’s advice on life. I cherish them all and have never thrown one away. I hope some day my male cousins will realize the vale of the letters I send my aunt and at least ofer them back to me.

      You also make me smile and glad for your friendship and always wonderful comments. Thank you for sharing your stories with us, with me. When I see the email alert that there is a new post from you it;s like actually receiving a gift of a boquet of sweet peas, Frafrance and all. By the way, I just planted two perennial sweet pea bushes thinking about you as I did. Cannot wait for blooms.

      • I can only say a truly WOW! I have never planted sweet peas. It is funny because when I first started the blog I was only thinking of green vegetable peas. Because I needed (my medicine) to write….oh so much. There was no one there for so long, but you know it was a good thing. I wrote unaware listening to my own answers back to myself. It was only a few months later after I felt better that I started thinking…and actually crossed my mind that I had planted some sweet pea flowers in that blog. How great that you have a letter exchange going. There is just nothing so wonderful as a handwritten letter and finding it in the mail box. I have letters back from my sixth grade friends, and cherish them all. Have you ever seen the writing kits with wax seals and specialty papers @ Barnes and Nobles. I’m sure you have! They are so beautiful they would have to be sent in a manilla envelope. I was encouraged to see a young blogger talking about the wonderment of pen on paper. Ink words LIVE ON!!! Enjoyed the comment…how could I not!?!?!? 🙂

        • I think I told you when I first found your blog, or you found me.not sure how that went. anyway, I call my granddaughter Sweet Pea and my husband’s best friend has called me Sweet Pea for over years. I just naturally gravitated to your blog. Then once there I find your actual sweet peas for daily life, daily living. And am completely enamored. I love to find email alerts that you posted a new one. I know it;s going to be a great day.

          I’ve never tried this before but really have wnted for so long to send you some sweet peas. Here is my attempt to send you a virtual bouquetL

          Sweet Pea Bouquet

          Not sure at all how this will translate.

          I do know about the sealing wax stationary kits. Being someone who loves paper, makes cards, and sometimes out of my own hand made paper, and an old fashioned letter writer not much gets past me. I even have a person who puts together custom stationary packs for me.

      • Just had to ask, since some of them have the sleepwalking/driving/writing side effect. At least you’re not leaving your house or doing something bizarre!

        • You can always ask me anything my dear. I’d share my world with you. I know about the weird things people do on sleep meds, having done a few odd things myself. Being just altered awake while I should have been asleep on the meds was weird enough for me, but there were a couple examples of sleep walking and talking to my husband, Another couple where I found evidence of food binging while in the middle of the night when I should have been sleeping.
          I’d rather suffer the affects of insommnia than altered behaviors i have little memories of.

  6. Day or night, weekday, weekend, conscious, unconscious or subconscious. What does it really matter? You are writing and writing, I might add, some very groovy stuff. I had a chat with a friend and we were discussing the importance of self analysis. We came to the conclusion that it does have it’s place at times and then; sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. keep on writing, sister!

    • “Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar” Truly I love that one!

      You have a great point that writing is writing. Maybe another look and another on some of the stuff thet I find weird is definitely worth the trip. I completely agree with you about self analysis, it’s an important and invaluable tool that we need to apply often throughout our journey’s.
      Thank you for your kind comment about my writing groovy stuff, coming from a man who bares his own soul with such style and grace means an awful lot to me. I always come away from your stuff with a sense of new wonder. I also know you are sincere.

  7. This is very interesting and could be very therapeutic, providing you with valuable insight. You may have to spend some time coming up with a safe plan so that you do not publish what you do not want the world to know.

    • Another blogging froend suggest something similar. I like the idea very much of keeping these writings somewhere safe and then deciding from there what may be possible to publish here at WP, and that which should remain in my private journals.Having been a journal keeper all my life I do know the benifit of looking back and through past writings for answers and clues to my life’s wuestions and trials. I actually never throw much away in terms of deleting what I write. My poor kids some day. Thankfully they know their mom well.

  8. Hello, milady. Yet again we are in almost exactly the same place. My line is always ffffffffffffffffffffff. However, I find that some of the writing raises very good ideas. I have hit publish a few times, and some are good, some are bad. If I miss enough sleep, I begin to hallucinate. This is the address of the post I wrote about it.…ent-in-my-life/
    Very scary stuff! And I still don’t sleep.

    • I think you have a valid amd great point about there being awesome possibilities in the Night Writings. I was unable to find anything on your link, wondering if there is a problem on my end.???
      I’m very very curious and would love to read it, you have perked my interest, especially with the “And I still don’t sleep.” If it;s missing from your blog but you have it I’d love for you to send it to me if it’s not posted. Just thinking out loud, but I am wide awake. : )

  9. Well my Night Rider~perhaps you should save those night rider writings. they may hold clues to something you are processing. and…they may end up being a really cool book! Or at least be entertaining to you, right?

    • I’ve not actually saved most of it, copying and pasting what was salvageable and saving it. I agree with that there are possible clues that have to do with life’s processing. What a great idea compiling them into one tome. I like it!

You are most welcome to share your thoughts, comments, and/or complaints here. Know though complaints are only handled on the 2nd Tuesday of the week.~ The Management

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