Archive | March 1, 2012

Being Too Kind To Say No?

I CAN AND I WILL SAY NO!

From an email I received this morning from the friend in my life who lives just up the road from me and who is here for me in a heartbeat if needed. She & I like most women (and some gents) struggle with being too nice at the expense of more important aspects of our lives. This small article by Leslie Vernick is the now part of the gentle nudge i need to start practicing the word: “No” with some verbs attached.
When my friend QMD sent this me it was like a breath of fresh air;  for both of us. Ironically before posting this piece which neither one of wrote but could have because the piece mirrors what is happening in our lives. And around our lives.
I thought it was so good that its worthy of being posted.
In a funny twist of irony I had relied to my friend asking for the source of the article so I could give credit, other wise I could not and would not post it. I went back to my email to work on replies and there in my inbox was the very same article by the same author. How absolutely incredible!! And I can post this now as I have THE AUTHORS NAME  and URL for contacting her if desired.
 in my inbox from my friend QMD:
While my coffee is brewing, I decided to pull up the computer.  Look what God sent me!!!!
Love You….more later!
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
Do you ever find yourself saying “yes” when you want to (or should) say “no”? For example, several years back, a graduate student asked me if I thought she would make a good counselor. I knew her gifts weren’t strongest in that area, but I didn’t want to hurt her feelings. She left our conversation believing I thought she was capable.
We all do it. We say “yes” when our honest response should be “no”. But let’s take a look at the cost of being too nice.
We Hurt People
It amazes me how unaware we are of how we injure people by being too nice. Isn’t that why we’re nice to begin with? We don’t want to hurt people? When I wasn’t completely honest with my intern, I unintentionally hurt her. She spent time, energy, and money pursuing a career that didn’t reflect her true calling.
In another example, Lydia worked hard to be a Proverbs 31 wife and mother. But the more she gave, the more her husband and children took, with little concern or even awareness of Lydia’s needs.
Lydia became exhausted caring for everyone with no one giving back to her. Over time, Lydia’s niceness enabled her family to become more and more self-centered, self-absorbed, and selfish. Lydia didn’t mean to, but she weakened her husband and children by not inviting them into a more reciprocal relationship.
Here’s another way we wound people by being too nice. Debbie was a new believer who attended Nancy’s Bible study at church. Debbie began phoning Nancy at home, asking a question or wanting to talk something through.
Debbie always took Nancy’s calls, but soon grew weary. She didn’t want to discourage her new friend, but found her neediness overwhelming. Instead of being more honest with Debbie and setting a better schedule for phone calls, Nancy started using her caller ID to screen her calls. Eventually Debbie caught on and felt hurt and abandoned. Nancy’s niceness gave Debbie the impression that she was always available any time night or day.
When we are too nice and fail to set appropriate boundaries, we may not mean to, but we hurt people. The only person who can be always available without getting crabby or tired is God. Don’t try to do his job. You will fail every time and the other person will get hurt.
We Hurt Ourselves
There is nothing unbiblical about being wise with who you give yourself to. While in college, Sharon took a walk with a young man she wasn’t attracted to, nor was she very comfortable with. She said yes because she didn’t want to hurt his feelings by saying “no thanks”. During their walk, he sexually assaulted her. Every day she deeply regrets that she was too nice.
It doesn’t have to be a dangerous or suspicious situation for us to learn to simply say “no thank you, I can’t,” or “I don’t want to.” We all have limited resources of time, energy, and money. When we allow others to take from our resources without limits, it’s like giving them unrestricted access to our checking account and then feeling angry when we’re constantly overdrawn.
If giving to someone hurts you, count the cost. Sometimes it’s appropriate to sacrifice yourself for another, and other times it’s foolish. Jesus tells a story about five women who refused to share their lamp oil with five others who did not bring enough for themselves. Instead of rebuking these women for being stingy, Jesus called them wise (Mathew 25:1-13).
We Miss God’s Best
Each day there are endless things and people who clamor for our attention. Oswald Chambers reminds us that “the great enemy of the life of faith is the good that is not good enough.” Don’t allow other people to set your values, your schedule, or your priorities.
Many people asked Jesus to do things for them, but Jesus always looked for what God wanted first–even if it meant disappointing people. (See Mark 1:29-38 or John 11:1-6.) When we are too nice and passively accommodate others, we could very well miss God’s best.
Finally, here are some steps to help you stop being too nice:
1. Understand that nice isn’t one of the fruits of the Spirit. Being kind doesn’t mean you always say “yes.” It means that you learn to say “no” kindly.
2. Before you say “yes,” stop and say, “Let me think about that. I’ll get back to you.” This will give you time to think through whether you’re being too nice or if you really feel led to do it.
3. Let go of guilt. You can’t be all things to all people nor do everything people want. Jesus was perfect, and he still disappointed people.
You can sign – up for Ms Leslie Vernick and receive your awesome tips, affrimations and faith filled & based articles.

The quote below is part of my friend QMD’s signature I thought it perfect here~

“Getting out of bed in the morning BEFORE  praying, is like getting out of an automobile before it comes to a complete stop.  Depending on the speed of the vehicle, you might not get hurt, but why take the chance?

©TJHELSER 2012

Times of Mine

One of the hardest things to do in story telling, scrap booking, memory keeping, and even as an archivist is telling your own story.

It is such an easy thing to just leave it out. Talking about, and telling your own story somehow initially seems self centered.We talk without a problem about our family, friends and critters. Saying anything about “ME” is not as forth coming.

But it’s so not that difficult. And it’s really important. If you think about being the one who for many years, if not decades, keep records, dates, and family history and not write about yourself feels right. But it’s so not right in leaving out the story-teller.

But are your future generations not going to wonder who you are/were?

Where is the author? Why no stories, no images, no thoughts even from the person who is doing the telling. Who is it that put those page layouts, story books, collages together? Who is it that created all these facts in this particular family in such fashions?

You know that leaving yourself out is the easy way. I get it. But take the road less traveled by yourself, do a few pages whether its writing about yourself in a journal, or creating visuals in the way and technique you love. Take photos of yourself and make certain that others are taking them of you as well. But if you do not have photos please do not let it stop you. The more important aspect of these kinds of projects is all in the telling. Just do what feels right and be creative. And because its your own story it will be just what we were looking for. Your story, told your way. 

If you’re stuck; May I suggest “5 Random Facts?”

Just Have Fun!

(When you have created something I’d love it if you’d share here with me)

The two page layouts are posted here in the spirit of what I was saying above. The idea of doing this at first felt really so silly I almost dd not do it. But one of the more well-known story tellers through photos and paper encouraged me and I am so grateful she did.

Remembering When ~ 1955

The Cemetery Club. 1955~****


©tjhelser 212

Story Telling ~ Paper Art Style

Thinking that having all my story pages, scrapbook layouts in one place would be a brilliant idea as a back up. All these layouts and more are in albums. It will take me years to upload them here at WP but as another gallery online its a perfect idea in my mind.

Along with hand crafted cards, collages,paper sculptures & carvings, home decor projects,multi=medium altered journals, and hand crafted mini albums, & story books are all  just part of what I see my Paper Art Gallery containing.

I also will be taking a bit of a risk. But a very tiny,  small one.

I hope that anyone stopping by enjoys something a bit different for my blog. Another side of me… if you will.

Hoping you all enjoy, or even better yet become inspired.

 

"Talking About My Guy ~ 2011

 

"I Will Always Love you' 2011

 

" Original Daughter"

 

Rockaway Oregon ~ 2009

 

LIVE ~ LAUGH ~ LOVE

" DANCE TO THE SONG IN YOUR HEART" 2011

"FLEETING MOMENTS ~ 2009

These page layouts are all of my family. From my BFF, my husband of going on 42 years, YES! I said 42 years, to our two daughter’s who are our finest works, and our two grandchildren. Our granddaughter is 19 yrs old a freshman at The university of Oregon, and our grandson who is 12 years old and is going to be an NBS player & star.

Also included is our beloved Rockaway Oregon’s spectacular sunsets and my best galpal here where I live.

I hope you enjoyed this small glimpse into my small world.

Thanks for visiting and taking the time. ~

 

<©tjhelser 2012