Archive | February 17, 2012

Please visit this blog of the most incredible family I have come in contact with in some time.
The strength ad courage it takes to master any kind of coping skills like this is pure love. Pure simple love.
Many of you do not know that I nearly lost my own daughter two yrs ago, Being in ICU fo 5 days just about did me in. My complete wonder and amazement that this mother blogs and shares their story is nothing short of the most impressive generosity I’ve had the distinct pleasure of coming across.
I encourage you to lend her a happy hello- a bit of kind support.


When something is funny but not funny, I think it falls into the category of slapstick, or black, comedy. Like this poor little pigeon outside the hospital, in amongst all the rubbish of urban, but having a ball!

Yesterday, when I left the hospital to come home to the farm, Son was still pretty ‘out of it’ and unable to move or eat. My mother took over staying with him and rang me later to say that he was like Lazarus in the afternoon and the physiotherapists and pain team were able to wind the bed up so he was nearly sitting up. He gobbled his lunch and didn’t vomit so all was going very well.

Late this morning, however, I found out that in the middle of the night he’d hallucinated. Here is a paraphrase of what Son told me on the phone:

“Oh Mum, I thought I was in a…

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Screaming At The Top Of My Voice


“Saw the world turning in my sheets,  and once again I cannot sleep”

Losing some ground in a fight to keep a life

Fighting to stay in control of the progress made over many mountains and turning tides.

Forgetting the panic that sets me aside

forgetting the fear

 Am not in charge.

Never was.

Walking down the streets of options and second chances.

Am not in charge

Fighting the knee-jerk reactions to the enemy

Instead needing the heavenly place we look to tend our selves.

Wishing for stars to ride on through the storms.

There is no place left feeling to go. No option that will leave the enemy at the door.

Remembering the rights that are now proving to seem so wrong.

“My mind is muddy, my heart heavy , does it show?”

Feeling as if losing track of that loses me, having choices taken away.

Am not in charge.

And some thing sent into fight has lost its worth, leaving in its place a hollowness that defies

still comes back and threatens in the night.

Pain has been my enemy, said to be in the fight of my life

Not asking for a second chance at life, just let this one not be full of such strife

Screaming at the top of my voice.

“Give me reason, but don’t give me choice?

I’ll take choice,and throw reason for another season.

I’ll make the same mistakes again

Pain Free Days, someday we will meet

“Maybe talk but not speak”

“I’m not asking for a second chance”

Not buying the promise,

Cause there is no promise that pain can keep.

“And the reflection troubles me”

Am not in charge. Never was.

“And so here I go….”

Morning Star Hear me roar!

©tjhelser  2012