Indifferent

I’m feeling indifferent about things. And it’s now crept over into my creative world. I’ve cocoon myself away thinking it was the answer to unanswered expectations. Time for self-reflection and prayer.

 Because repeated attempts in an a couple of areas are met with stubborn refusal to embrace the frustration and disappointment I have not had the strength and courage to forge ahead. So I become indifferent. It’s a cop-out I know. But sometimes survival of ones spirit may become a priority, so becoming indifferent is a sense of protection I suppose.

When you know in your gut it’s wrong and as often as you’ve sought to find help you’ve been met with resistance,  it gets old. The edge starts becoming soft, the point becoming dulled, and the colors being re-directed to places that take the shadows off the focal point. A  pattern is developing and I worry watching where the leads take it.  I’m really uncomfortable & with the keen sense that something is wrong. And the control is not mine.  Never has been and maybe I’ve been fooling myself all along.

So I’ve become indifferent. Isolating those emotions since the frustration has finally won out.  Becoming indifferent rather than being devoured by it.  I’m at exhaustion point and with no clear path seen on the horizon  my body takes over, my mind becomes proactive trying to find the channel for these feelings. 

Apparently indifferent it is.

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4 thoughts on “Indifferent

  1. No! Not indifference! Anything but that! I had the rare opportunity to hear Holocaust surviver Eli Weisel speak. Not only did I hear him speak and what a powerful speaker he is but I had the honor of writing about him as one of my first assignments as a journalist. Here is what he says about all you are feeling:

    “The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it’s indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it’s indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it’s indifference.”

    Please do not give way to indifference.

    I know as much as anyone the struggle to soldier on.

    You are worth the fight!

    I hope the butterfly in you emerges soon.

    • It’s an important message you bring to me and one I am humbled by. Catching ones self during a vulnerable time because of uncast emotions maybe is not the best time to write so publicly. But I am glad I did.

      You do know as much as anyone how difficult, how exhausting, and how fed up we can become.
      It’s really nice to know at times when it just feels so dark no matter how many lights you turn on, that there is someone with a common kindered spirit cheering you on.

      Thans so much ‘Real~

    • Oh my sweet twin of mine, if I ever wake up and find you not there I will have to pack my bags and head SE to get my dose of sisterly love & devotion.
      How can such distance geographically matter when there is a sense of being glued to each other’s hips in so many ways?
      My bags are packed….

You are most welcome to share your thoughts, comments, and/or complaints here. Know though complaints are only handled on the 2nd Tuesday of the week.~ The Management

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