Archive | October 17, 2011

Dan Wheldon’s Death Brings Unwanted Reminder About Dangers Of Racing – SBNation.com

Dan Wheldon’s Death Brings Unwanted Reminder About Dangers Of Racing – SBNation.com.

Indifferent

I’m feeling indifferent about things. And it’s now crept over into my creative world. I’ve cocoon myself away thinking it was the answer to unanswered expectations. Time for self-reflection and prayer.

 Because repeated attempts in an a couple of areas are met with stubborn refusal to embrace the frustration and disappointment I have not had the strength and courage to forge ahead. So I become indifferent. It’s a cop-out I know. But sometimes survival of ones spirit may become a priority, so becoming indifferent is a sense of protection I suppose.

When you know in your gut it’s wrong and as often as you’ve sought to find help you’ve been met with resistance,  it gets old. The edge starts becoming soft, the point becoming dulled, and the colors being re-directed to places that take the shadows off the focal point. A  pattern is developing and I worry watching where the leads take it.  I’m really uncomfortable & with the keen sense that something is wrong. And the control is not mine.  Never has been and maybe I’ve been fooling myself all along.

So I’ve become indifferent. Isolating those emotions since the frustration has finally won out.  Becoming indifferent rather than being devoured by it.  I’m at exhaustion point and with no clear path seen on the horizon  my body takes over, my mind becomes proactive trying to find the channel for these feelings. 

Apparently indifferent it is.