Archive | October 7, 2011

Running on Empty~

Yeah, running on empty this morning.. Along with a drastic change in our climate here in the high desert my body is not digging what is happening, both externally and internally.  Autumn has finally decided to rear its cold head here in this part of the PacificNorthwe*t. We’ve gone literally in 24 hours down 20 degrees.
Nobody likes it. My body hates it.

Have not slept in a few nights again. Homage to my sister Fibromyalgiac “Fibrotofabulous” I suppose. I have not checked in with her today but I sure am hoping that The Sandman has been visiting her. That would explain where he has been.

Doctors visit yesterday is not helping. discussion weighing  heavy in my heart and on my mind. I was told to accept that there is nothing that can be done for my pain and other muscle skeletal issues. I will have to find a way to live with it. I’ve known this. I had come to acceptance a long time ago after much struggle.

Todays struggle has to do with the fact that my pain will not likely be managed like it once was. In years gone by and changing of the guards (my doctors) because of moving from one state to another my treatment modality has changed. Of course. Every guard has the right answer, knows what’s best. A very boring, long, story made short. Between my new and still current guard a decision was made I would drastically reduce the high dose of one medication I was on over three yrs ago. It was my choice too, I was doing great.

Fast forward two years later, one year post vacation road trip that sent me into a major flare-up. Now suddenly it is not my choice to have this new increase in pain spikes managed. I was her poster child. Seriously this is what she told me when I took my medication dosage down 75 mgs, on my own because I was able to. Said she bragged about me to her colleagues.
Wonderful, makes me feel so proud.

Apparently poster children or adults, in this case, should not buck the system. I am now in pain that I know can be better managed. I should not be awake for three nights because it hurts too much to lay down. The idea of my pain being completely taken away is not feasible and I know it. I don’t expect it. But I know for a fact it can be better managed and safely so. I’m not looking for “drugs” to get “high” on.
But not being able to function in an already compromised life is not the answer either. Being taken back to square one, from 27 yrs ago is not the answer.

Medical Improvements?

Growth in patient care?

I just wish someone could tell me where it is. My own doctor cannot seem to access it. Are the Changing Guards of Medicine this frightened? This concerned that patient’s rights to quality care do not play a part anymore?

Now I am frightened~