Finding time to be reflective, meditative and prayerful have been mine recently. I don’t have to make time to squeeze it in between chaos, because for the first time in my life there is none. It may sound dramatic, it is not meant to be anything more than it is. My home is quiet and peaceful and that I benefit from in ways I’d not realized I would. Today is a gift and I will have These Days.
This today, which held all the promises of a rising sun first thing at the break of dawn has been with me since Sometimes that for which we hold out hope for seem unreachable like the stars seem to be in the skies above. Though I admit vacillating between being positive & less so at times, that all I hope & dream for will be my reality in given time; it is this very fact “given time” that gets in my way, that I wrestle with.
Time. A very weird measure when speaking in terms of the human heart and emotion. The correlation does not fit well and might have been my first clue that I was looking at the wrong units of measure for time. I have this thought; that maybe using stars in lieu of a clock, and rainbows instead of the calendar is a better means of measuring time in respect to my Hope, and Dreams.
Rainbow over Bend (2012)
(This is especially for you )
I am not a shy person with my emotions. I’ll agree I tend to wear my feelings on my sleeves, and so I am told. Though I have never liked the thought of myself like this I have heard this expression in terms of myself ever since I can remember, From my parents, grandparents, and even from my two brothers. Not sure I can accept their view of me, but it is unimportant as an adult.
This I do know: that what I feel I own. And no doubt that ownership motivates me to be expressive.
Time and my hopes & dreams sometimes become conflicted which makes it difficult to stay in that place of peaceful easy feelings of the moment, and to remain mindful of just the here and now of all I need to feel and see.
Just for This Time. Just for This now. Just for These Days.
Because when what I have hope for yesterday, and today, is not here when I have been looking for it for so long this begins to weigh on me. This is when I am likely to allow the clock and calendar to become my nemesis instead of making memories of These Days. I have to ask myself then: “Am I not losing out on living these memories that are being created while waiting for the whole of my hopes and dreams to arrive? “
And yet at the same time I know I must let go of the concern about time. I know I need to let myself live in the moment, and enjoy the time of making new history and new memories. To enjoy what is here in the Right Now. Most days I am just fine, accepting the Here and Now is enough. In fact, most days I am able to find it fairly easy and I am comfortable, as it is in accordance with my nature. And though I am tempted to NOT say “But” to this, my truthful admission still is a “BUT”: But I want what I don’t yet have. This is never going to change and frankly I don’t want it to. I do though want to be able to manage the how and when I spend my time being consumed by this want.
In my secret heart of hearts I admit it. I have These Days.
When I am distracted by a battle with the clock or the calendar I am missing the point of my life and all the hopes and dreams I have t reached already. and I am living out. Though the “whole package” may not be complete there is enough of it to live contented if I just stay mindful of the gifts that come with. It is when I don’t, when I forget there are reasons in this Now to pay attention to that I am missing out on. The very aspects I adore, those which have come to my life already are missed when my thoughts are focused full-time only on my hopes and dreams.. By being focused else where my mind does not allow the complete immersion into what is right here in the Now. It’s a lesson I thought I had made peace with. Obviously not all the time.
I will never give up on my hopes and dreams. I have zero doubt, none what so ever that I need to have both hope and dreams in my life. There are dreams that I have which I would rather give up my right arm for than to have to leave behind. Even just from a practical stand point I need my dreams, and my hopes for them. For it is through these dreams of ,m mine which I keep right side up, and beside me are everything I have hope for. This Hope & these Dreams for my future that I build my ambitions and goals in life upon.
This is my faith; that although I am unable to see and touch that which I hope my life to be, my belief is in tact. I have the faith in my future of my hopes and dreams. I don’t need any more confirmation than living what my life is. Knowing that this is where I put my energy for my future and trusting there is a reason for being is what I ask hope to hold for me. Safekeeping my desires and my dreams The timing of all THESE DAYS & all MY DREAMS are not mine to dictate all the matters of logistics, especially those of the spirit and of the heart. Staying mindful of this, and mindful of each moment Now will keep my energy and beliefs where they are intended to be.
I trust without any reservations; that with My Hope Bringing My Dreams home they will be mine…. In Time….
I am so Blessed ~
For More Oregon photos, and credit for rainbow photo please see Jaime Weatherford’s blogspot at link below.
http://beautiful-oregon.blogspot.com/2012/01/rainbow-over-bend.html
Just Click link to join us ~
http://geetoni.wordpress.com/2012/11/15/now-taking-your-requests-2/
©tjhelser2013
When you say you wear your emotions on your sleeve, I can identify with that. I can also see that in this honest, straight-from the-heart post. Some call what you describe “tenacity.” I call it faith. You do, too. Perhaps it’s tenacious faith…
I knew there was several reasons I liked you!
Someone who wears their feelings and emotions so openly is someone I will know where I stand with at all times,a nd in my mind this is a great gift.
So wear those feelings with pride Lorna. We may start a whole new fashion statement. That would be a whole new venture for me, I am so not a trend setter.
So delightfully happy & charmed to have you join me at Barefoot Baroness (BB)
My Dear Lorna, you have made my day!
Thank you Thank you Kind friend~ BB
all will be yours in time, beyond time where the heart truly lives and graces us with wisdom. Rainbow days to you, dear one. Many Rainbow Days.
Thank you so much Joss. I do believe that what you say is true There is is just no need to waste ones energy or breath dwelling on time.
I so love how you use those two word together, Rainbow Days, it is a perfect measure of time; and its the perfect name for it. Thank you~
Toni, this is a beautiful manifesto of hope and peace — what an inspiration you are! Love you, blibling!
Oh Jude… you also bring tears to my eyes. I have not had a comment today that did lot fill my eyes.
I am some what blown away by the showing still of loving support from everyone. This is why you all are my blog family, not just community You are my personal unit.
Thanks so much for this and hope it finds you well and smiling your shining smile. Hugs with & love
I am doing very well — thanks for your good wishes! I just thought of a new name for you — bloggy+sis=BLISS!
I hope you don’t cry too hard — hopefully your smile will push its way through! Love you, Bliss!
Oh My Gosh Jude~
Thank you!! What a really beautiful thing to say to me. Wow! I don’t know what to say I am so taken
I just have no words..,, j
I am just so humbled and touched by this. Thank you my blibling!
And you know what my lady, all your hopes and dreams will come to you. Your heart no matter where it is it is in the right place. My lady
My Kind Sir, Being a patient person while I have been waiting all my life for this dream to become a reality is not always my best side. but as there is to everything good a learning curve to be dealt with.
Thank you Gerry my friend, your faith in what I believe is in my future means much to me. I know with enough good thoughts and energy this cannot be denied. I believe in what you share with me.and trust what your thoughts about life.
Thank you for all of this, and for your devoted unconditional support. through all I venture into.
Your heart will get you through Lil Sis, not to worry. Even if you do wear it on your sleeve (or not). Big changes in life, even if they are internal, tend to turn ones world upside down. You are strong and will land on your feet.
Ah time, our enemy and our friend. I learned along my path: If I cry over yesterday and fret about tomorrow, I lose the joy of today.
“…mindful of each moment.” You have your way, my soul sister.
Blessings ~ Maxi
My Maxi,
Your words help validate what I am feeling and tell me I am on the right path. All along. You know I trust you as no other person like YOU in my world, you my authentic Sister of truth and wisdom.
These are not just words Maxi I know you, I know your heart like I know you know mine. It is a clear as crystal to me that there is a cosmic-bond somehow (for a lack of better word)
This has been the most interesting and teaching year of my adult life yet. Just when I think I have it all figured out I am reminded how humble I am. Sometimes gently. and sometimes not so gently. But reminded all the same, for which I hope to take graciously from.
Part of my recent decision to make such a change in my life has to do with time. I was watching all my years pass me by while not seeing any hope of change. No hope of growth. I think acknowledging my need for these two things released me from chains I had been bound in emotionally. for some time. I spent almost 7 yrs in reflection and prayer, not taking what I was in the end going to lightly.
One of the most amazing things for me is this learning curve to life, who knew at 58 (almost) there could still be? I know.. my Maxi knew!
I am empowered by this great need to learn the things that are still going to make an impact in my life. I am thrilled that this can even be so.
Thank you my kind and sweetest sister of the souls, in I am so blessed by you.
I keep telling those who will hear me out that I want to be just like Maxi, My Big Sis when I grow up. ~ you just keep showing me the way lovely lady ~
Much love and always my gentle hugs to you. ~ God Bless you My Max….and I know He does.
I admire you to the point of adoration and love this post/ Your wisdom is like a gentle breeze. Thank you for being you!
Awe Jules… you touch something very deep inside my heart my beautiful friend. You also make me blush, well that’s not true I make myself blush, but you give me reasons to..
You never cease to have such a validating influence over me, something that I am quite empowered by. I think you have heard me say this to you before, please know it does not diminish these feelings I have at all, in fact they have grown more so. I think you are one of the most compassionate brave souls I know. And if there is anything that I do that even taps your heart I am forever humbled by this Jules. That you who I admire and love find what II had to say worthy not only spins my world, but you give me the encouragement that is needed by every writer. And it comes from you Jules! What a gift to me that in my heart carries the weight of solid gold.
Did I say thank you?
And that I love you amaXing Jules?