With great joy in more heart from relief that this week finally came and has now passed without any drama I am still into sharing with you all how much I am grateful for. This has been a trying month in the baroness’s castle, and through the support and love from family and friends we made it through. Much more in my life than my own personal health issues were going on behind the scenes of which I write. Because this is MY Blog; and as you all know I rarely speak of my family, and if I do it is in subtle discussion. My family and close friends are private people and I have no intentions of breaking into their space no matter how much I care about what is happening in their lives and would love to write about it because that is what I do, Write. No matter what it could be about. This is just about the personal code of conduct I placed on myself for writing so publicly. I have become quite adept at this as my book holds no names or apparent connections to what I am writing about, even though it is a very autobiographic kind of story. NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED TO PROTECT THE INNOCENT. AND SOMETIMES EVEN THE NOT SO INNOCENT!
I have been focused so much of late on myself when writing here. I am grateful to have such a platform to write and get feedback from. I cannot say again in any more of a sincere expression just how much YOUR support and love I have found here means to me. I need to say that although my fingers seem to have been focused selfishly on just what is happening to me I do have people I live with, and live close by in proximity and in heart. These people whom I love all have things going in their lives as well. I will not detail any of it because of privacy but let me say this:
While I was seeming to be alone engrossed in “My Stuff” I want and need you to know I am aware, will never forget what it is that you are living. God has a plan for each of us, and part of that plan for me is to be part of your life in any way I can. Part of that plan is to stand beside you no matter when or what it is you are dealing with that life throws at you. Or what you threw back at life. You have illness, disease, emotional health. finances, parenting issues, chores, life, all to contend with and my prayers are always full of thanks and grace for that which is brought to you in your need. I also keep you in my prayers and thoughts, asking that you be lifted from that which holds you back, and I ask that you be free so that you can be the empowerment of love to all that you see and come near. Although my focus may have outwardly seemed only on myself, please know that not an hour goes by that at least one of you does not flood my thoughts and my heart. I love you and hold you close to my heart always. Nothing you can do, or not do, will ever change that. Nothing CAN ever change that. It’s the one thing in life I HAVE to do beside pay taxes and die. And that only one thing may seem so daunting, but it truly is not. My job to bring you love and a safe place to fall, it is as easy as pie. Because you make it so. You make loving you a celebration. A celebrayion of you and of God’s love and mercy. It’s not so daunting at all.
Thank you once again my Huge Wide World of Family. Inclusive is a good thing, and I am so grateful to have been included in your thoughts and prayers. What a very blessed Baroness I am.
Bare feet and all!
Now on to Share Your World – Week 26! Oh Yeah!
If you like what you are reading in as far as the questions go, and the challenge seems to inspires you I would like to suggest that you join us. It’s a great thing to look forward to each week. It is one of the best ways I have come across to get to know a room full of people. It’s just fun!
So let us pretend for a while that we are all sitting around a room,… No!! Wait!! It’s spring or summer all over this world, almost anyway…so lets get together this week in a lovely park. Water is trickling down a stream nearby. Kids in the distance playing tag, frisbee, hackeysac or whatever it is kids play today. We will sit around in a circle feeling the green grass underneath our feet. Take your shoes and socks off if you have not done so all ready and wiggle those toes in to that earthy green turf. One by one we will share, going around the circle, looking into one another’s faces.. sharing…smiling, loving….. ….OOPS!!!
1. What made you smile today?
My first thoughts when I see these words that question me is to say, ” Why, You of course!” And it is true. For it is those of you who have been taking the time out of your wicked busy lives to read my humble words. How important in your world does that leave me to feel? Quite a lot actually and I am most grateful for the reassurance that your loving support gives me. For which without I may have split a long time ago.
My answer than shall be a simple word that makes me smile today. That word is Grace. The grace I find in your friendship, The grace I find in knowing that you find my words worthy of a read today, grace that I find in simple gratitude for support of the likes I have never known before this. Grace in medical procedures that help a person find there place again in the world. Grace for family that stands together no matter how thick it may become.Grace for the simple things in life that help bring a smile to the heart and to the lips. Grace. I even love the way it sounds and feels when spoken. Grace. A perfect word.
The very word; Grace helps me smile today!
2. Have any hidden talents?
Hidden? Hmm.. this is a tough one Cee! I am going to go with that I used to sing lead and back up vocals in a band before meeting my husband. My hidden talent today would be that I can sing. Or, I used to be able to sing quite nicely even if I say so. I grew up with both parents being musically inclined. My dad sang, he even performed on a local radio show before I was born, in the late 1940′s. I heard stories about it that I just ate up like it was dessert. He also played several instruments. My mom also could play anything string, and she sang like a songbird, She could also she whistle a lovely melody which I coveted and could never learn. Both my brothers, one older, and one younger are musicians. My little one being the one who has gone on from our childhood dreams and which has kept music as his main passion in life. He has a band to this day, one for which at one time in my life I managed and even produced a CD of all their original music. They recorded no copy tunes. My Baby Bro being the song master authoring most of their playlist. It was a way to let me keep my foot in the door of a musicians life, and have a family which came first. It was fun…. It was exhausting. It reminded me how much my disease has affected my life once again. Only to share details do I share this; I could sing well until I had the TMJ jaw surgery. Prior and even after the implant surgery my range of motion for opening and closing my mouth was limited. To this day it still is, some days my jaws are locked opened. Some days it is locked closed, Mostly every day I just cannot open it wide enough to even yawn. This means hitting some notes, or octaves, and then holding them is next to impossible for me. Or at least impossible to create the sound I once knew as mine. To stay in the world of music and to keep my family was important to my life, as they are today. So when our girls were young in order to still sing I auditioned for and was accepted to study and perform with the University of Oregon’s Women’s Chorale Society. It was after some time with them that I had to admit that even with specific exercises I could not get those notes out .No matter how I trained and worked those muscles in my mouth, face, and jaws would not unlock to reach the notes I needed to reach. I resigned the choir. Then I was offered a management position to keep one foot in the door of the world I loved. Thanks to my Baby Bro. I have to add hear that living the life of a musician is not always so family oriented. For those reasons my Baby Bro and his Band Mates knew that I had an in with the business in town and that promoting is what I do well. Shhh.. Local Artists promotion is a secret passion of mine. But it was several months later that the late night performances for which it was necessary to attend caught up with me and my disease. The not getting in until sometimes 5am because a gig would run till the venue closed was cool by my husband, but not by my body. It resisted and kicked back leaving me feel much like a hangover had descended upon me only without the benefit of the drunk the night before. Since I do not drink this began to trouble me. I had to be there at the gigs; the unpacking & packing up gear, winding down time as a band together, all these things and more go into a one night performance. I would do the sound checks, the lighting checks, advocating for my band with the house management, making sure the band had what they all needed, making sure they were paid at the end of the night which always meant waiting until the door count was made. Being there early & late were required. It all caught up with me telling me in no uncertain terms that music other than listening to was gone from my would. That light went out.
3. Are you usually late, early, or right on time?
On time, or a bit early. I have a pet peeve and that is people in my life running on their time. We have a very good friend. Very special friend. He will know that I am speaking of him by this tale as will everyone else in the tribe he knows. I am detracting from the very policy I expressed above about privacy, but in this case I know I will be forgiven with a touch to inspire me for much more He is a rebel. Our good friend has his own set of rules when it comes to time. So much so that we have nick named it ******- Time. In any event or circumstance where this person’s presence is required or expected we inform him of the time, but we always give him a time which is at least an hour earlier than everyone else. If not we can count on him being late. It infuriates me if I let it. but we have been friends for over 42 years and this is so not a deal breaker. Just an annoyance. So long ago this in my attempt to fix how I view having someone show up late, this is how his own time zone came to be. I could either think of it as being a statement that I am not important enough to be on time, or I could see it as I believe it is. Our friend sees this as his right to live by his own rules concerning time. And who am I to deny him that right? Yeah he could complicate things, and does for many. But we love him and since there was not going to be any fixing on his part what choice do we have? He after all had nothing to change, it is the rest of the world who is EARLY. The rest of the world that is not on ***** – Time.
It is all about perceptions after all, don’t you agree?
3. What is the difference between being alive and truly living?
I am much like Cee in my belief here about the BIG difference between being alive and truly living. I have had the gift of doing both, so that I am able today to realize what the difference is. And simply that there is a big difference. I think back so long ago – prior to the fact that “DISEASE” entered my life. It was a lifetime ago. While thinking about the differences in truly living and that of being alive I think back to almost 29 years ago when I was a well person. How much energy I had, nothing could get in my way and keep me from doing as I pleased. Although I was alive then was I truly living? I’d like to think so, but how mindful of the fact was I? Not much at all of that I am certain.
Being prayerful and mindful of the fact that although I am living with disease I am also thriving to my very best capabilities and then some. I get to where I know I am headed, towards a day of living a life with some meaning, some grace, so gratitude and some sense of wonder. To go into a new day with my feet being planted squarely on the floor, having my eyes wide open for new lessons of wisdom, new colors to ignite my soul, and interactions with those I love brings me a day filled with intentions and love.
Who could ask for anything more? Fo me, the real difference between being alive and truly living is being mindful that my intentions are to thrive. Not just exist, or live, but to actually thrive…to live with purpose and intent.
Disease be damned! Mountain move outta my way…. I got me some thriving to do!!
Now it is your turn. Next!
Come on, don’t be shy. To find the park where we sit and answer the questions that our fabulous and brilliant facilitator creates each week for us. You can find us on Cee’s blog at: http://ceeslifephotographyblog.wordpress.com/2012/06/02/share-your-world-week-26/#comment-6151
We would love for you to join the circle. Please Don’t Wait Until Next Week. Come on in, the water is just perfect!